“Why can’t you be in a good mood? How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?” – Lloyd Dobler.
It’s 10:30 AM and I’m already having a bad day. I am so sick of feeling this way. I’m so sick of feeling anxious, annoyed, irritable. I was told to stop taking my Atenolol since (yes, what I feared is true) my thyroid is entering hypothyroidism because it’s worn out. I am tired, cranky, and easily irked. And I’m so very sick of this feeling. I want to take it off, have it removed, this grand ol’ feeling of crank.
I’m irritated that it’s cold and never snows. I’m irritated that some idiot living on our street has a car alarm that screams “THIS CAR PROTECTED BY VIPER, STAND BACK!” I’m irritated that we live in a three-floor walk-up. I am irritated that there aren’t more yoga classes to choose from. I am irritated that the apartment is so messy and I don’t get a lot of time to clean it. I am irritated that I haven’t eaten yet today. I’m irritated that I still haven’t finished a post about bisphenol A I started writing over two weeks ago. I am irritated most of my socks have holes in them. I am irritated by the design of the Method bottles; they always slide out of my hands. I am irritated that I didn’t feel this way yesterday or the day before that. I am irritated by the things I’m reading on the Internet. I am irritated by CNN for how they report (or don’t report) the news. I’m irritated that I’m irritable. I’m irritated that there’s nowhere to go on this cold, January day.
I am irritated by this feeling. I am irritated that I don’t have any control over my chemistry. I’m irritated by me.
What does one do to shake this? How does one “decide” to be in a good mood? Why can’t I be in a good mood today?
Blah. Blah. Blah. God damn blah.