“Why can’t you be in a good mood? How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?” – Lloyd Dobler.
It’s 10:30 AM and I’m already having a bad day. I am so sick of feeling this way. I’m so sick of feeling anxious, annoyed, irritable. I was told to stop taking my Atenolol since (yes, what I feared is true) my thyroid is entering hypothyroidism because it’s worn out. I am tired, cranky, and easily irked. And I’m so very sick of this feeling. I want to take it off, have it removed, this grand ol’ feeling of crank.
I’m irritated that it’s cold and never snows. I’m irritated that some idiot living on our street has a car alarm that screams “THIS CAR PROTECTED BY VIPER, STAND BACK!” I’m irritated that we live in a three-floor walk-up. I am irritated that there aren’t more yoga classes to choose from. I am irritated that the apartment is so messy and I don’t get a lot of time to clean it. I am irritated that I haven’t eaten yet today. I’m irritated that I still haven’t finished a post about bisphenol A I started writing over two weeks ago. I am irritated most of my socks have holes in them. I am irritated by the design of the Method bottles; they always slide out of my hands. I am irritated that I didn’t feel this way yesterday or the day before that. I am irritated by the things I’m reading on the Internet. I am irritated by CNN for how they report (or don’t report) the news. I’m irritated that I’m irritable. I’m irritated that there’s nowhere to go on this cold, January day.
I am irritated by this feeling. I am irritated that I don’t have any control over my chemistry. I’m irritated by me.
What does one do to shake this? How does one “decide” to be in a good mood? Why can’t I be in a good mood today?
Blah. Blah. Blah. God damn blah.
Try reading yesterday and today’s posts…maybe they’ll at least make you smile.
I’ve been feeling like that lately too. I don’t get why I just can’t be happy. My boyfriend has been asking my I can’t just be happy. I have no clue but I wish I knew. Everything and everyone has been irritating me lately and I feel horrible for it. I know it’s not my thyroid as I just had it checked a couple months ago and it’s fine so I wonder what it is. I hope you start to have a better day somehow and then maybe mine will get better.
Sometimes yah just have to get out of the house I find. Maybe head over to your local library with Emory or take a walk. I know….it’s insanely cold outside and that soooo does not sound nice at all.
Outside of that….I’d try listening to some of your favorite tunage. Something upbeat and happy.
Cynthroid? I know that under active thyroids can effect your mood like this. In the meantime, I always would smell Grace. It was like crack. I would get such a wave of euphoria. I still do it, only now, grace says, “Mommy what are you doing?” “Just smelling my baby.” “Mommy, stop smelling me.” Oh well, I guess that is why people have more babies.
I looked up the Brooklyn Public Library to see if they had any fun upcoming events for babies and irritable moms and found a babies and books program for next Friday. I know it isn’t going to help you today…but maybe planning a field trip out will help.
I dunno…it could trigger more irritation depending on what the Librarian decides to read or sing. Some books can be downright annoying to parents. Heh heh
I’m looking forward to your post about bisphenol A. I plan on using Born Free baby bottles since they are b.A-free. But maybe your post is about how it doesn’t matter. Or maybe it does. Ooo the suspense!
I hope you feel better. I know what it’s like to be irritable all the time. I just call that my personality.
I’m sure some of this is information you’ve already heard, but it might bear repeating so here goes…
Cold and windy though the weather may be, getting out of the house is critical. It’s difficult enough to be spending most of your conscious hours with a tiny being who has no language skills – even if he is adorable – and feeling trapped in a small, dirty space makes it worse. Getting out the door can be arduous, but even a quick trip around the block or to the drug store can be a godsend and remind you that there is a world beyond the walls of your apartment. Emory seems almost preternaturally good natured, so I bet you could even pull off half an hour in a coffee shop people watching or reading. He’ll need to be bundled up, sure, but babies are tougher than they look and I bet he’d love the stiumlation of being cooed over by everyone who sees him.
Cleaning is tough when you have a tiny person who requires constant attention. Maintaining order is important for sanity, but unless le husband is willing to take over the more, um, deatil-oriented tasks he can either learn to deal or buy some Windex. Don’t worry too much so long as you have some clear space, clean laundry and hygenic eating utensils.
For me it’s less about deciding to be in a good mood, which is an impossibly vague and infuriating directive if ever there was one – that deciding not to be in a bad one. Especially in times of stress it’s okay to aim for a C+ state of mind, what’s important is remembering that a string of D- days aren’t acceptable.
Well, shit – I hit submit comment well before I was finished with my mental diagnostic!!
So, here’s take two:
-levoxyl (synthetic thyroid hormone) taken
-weather conditions – rainy days and Mondays always get me down
I’m an engineer, so I have to try and figure out what’s causing my depression to see if I can fix it. And if its the weather that’s contributing to my depression, then I accept I can’t change it and go buy myself some chocolate :)
What you’re doing is not easy, and you have my sympathy and respect. I hope you start to feel better!
Sarah S: You are sweet as pie. Thank you. I am planning on taking Emory to baby/mama yoga tomorrow afternoon. Going to look forward to that. I need to meet more mothers. That’s important.
(for google: mothers, brooklyn, groups, Williamsburg moms, baby)
Laura, you are SO right. perhaps we’ll hit a coffee shop today. That’s a good idea.
I’m pretty sure you need me to come visit.
Yessum. I need you and every other stay at home/work from home mom to move closer to me or I to them. That’s all there is to it!
I would very much like to plan a lunch date with you. Bring Emory Frantastico so he can see the city from 52 floors up. :)
Why hasn’t your doctor started you on Synthroid yet, if they know you’re going hypo? It’s category A, which means it’s VERY safe to use while breastfeeding. And your general blah mood, irritability and anxiety most likely stems from becoming hypothyroid.
I know it sucks to think that you’d have to take a pill for the rest of your life, but it’s pretty small in comparison to how much better you’ll feel when you’re on it. They usually play around with the dose a little bit in order to find the correct dosage for you. After that, they usually just check your blood levels once a year to make sure they don’t need to change your dosage.
I know it sucks, both my husband and I have been there. I promise you this: it DOES get better. (Hope that doesn’t sound too trite.) :)
I don’t have a baby (yet) but I suffer from this same feeling on a pretty regular basis and I have to say that I agree 100% with the commenters who have suggested getting out of the house, even for just 20 minutes or a half hour. Last Sunday was the first time in a LONG, LONG time (maybe a year? I think it’s longer than that) where I didn’t have any obligations, nothing to do, nowhere to be. I got up and stayed in my pajamas all day and didn’t leave the house. I watched football and read part of my book and ate pizza and nachos and just revelled in the fact that I didn’t have to leave the house at all.
Yeah. That backfired. By about 9pm Sunday night I was feeling moody, cranky, tight, sore, wired, sleepy. I was a mess and I just knew that had I taken the dog for a half hour walk at some point during the day (which would have required me to change into real clothes) I probably could have staved off that irritable feeling. It’s so annoying, I’m naturally inclined to envelop myself in warmth and darkness, but it just really shouldn’t be done (at least not by me).
The short version of the above is: do get out of the house, even just for a fifteen minute walk in the freezing cold.
You were SUPPOSED to take the Atenolol today.
Girl, I hear ya. I love your blog because it is so real. You’re a great writer.