This weekend was sort of hectic. Nothing really happened but I spent a lot of it freaking out over little things and nothing at all. I hit levels of paranoia I have never felt before. I came up with ideas and stories that didn’t really exist. At one point, on Friday night, I blew a large fuse. Thing is, I have (as of late) started to actually believe my mind’s stories, in my head. I’m not sure if I need Toby to stop it, or if it’s gotten out of mind because he’s now there to help. Maybe I’m not strong enough to push it aside, but instead I rely on him helping me to do so. And, if he does not, I become worse off. I can believe almost anything at all. This weekend I convinced myself that the people who live on our floor are all plotting against us. Actually plotting against us. Like any of them are clever enough to do so. I contemplated removing this website from the internet in hopes of hiding. From what? Things in my head. That’s all. (This ended with the removal of my email [which I am sure will be put back up eventually], the ‘I am’ section and my picture). When did this begin? It’s annoying. (I know I’m acting silly). When does paranoia become real? When do I begin to change my every day life? I just want to write it down. I’m sure I’ll get paranoid and change it as soon as I hit send. I can’t shake it sometimes. It just eats the rational side and throws the remains out of my head. They skitter around looking to return as Mr. Paranoia kicks me inside out. I don’t know. It’s not something I can control sometimes. This weekend was one of those times.
Is anyone else paranoid?
Paranoid? With all those flying monkeys just waiting for the right moment to pounce? What do you think?
I think lil’ sis needs to come down to DC for a visit.
A visit? Try helping us move there. :) Yes. Virginia is for lovers. Right?
funny, i did that same “black it all out” thing on friday in a fit of the same thing. i think it has something to do with the alignment of the planets…
Don’t forget the full moon last night, guys. There was just a weird vibe all around, I’d say.
By the way, Mihow…I like what you replaced your picture with. That’s one of my favourites of your pictures from the subway.
Toby brought something up that made me think….
Perhaps it’s the lack of vices i have any more. I stopped smoking. Drinking sucks any more and I don’t do drugs (or else I could blame it on the pot). Maybe now that I spend a lot of time in my head, I’m just sorting through old thoughts and this must happen before I am ‘clean’ again.
Not sure if that makes any sense. Maybe it’s like spring cleaning. Maybe I need to get my hands dirty before it all makes sense.
Being paranoid sucks.
i flipped out this weekend too:
http://www.yayhooray.com/s-forums.cfm?action=read&id=48360
not paranoid as much (though i am dreadfully scared of brittney spears)
but i’ve had it w/new york. its giving me too much stress and making me hate everyone around me
danny is a good person. so is my mother. but if i were in an elevator with either of them right now, i’d probably snap and try to kill.
Oh dear, jon. I think yayhooray is the last place I want to go right now. I can’t deal with any of that shit right now.
I hope you’re ok. :(
I need to get the hell out of here. That’s all there is to it. And I want to bring my tobyjoe with me, under my arm, dressed in blankets, equipped with pillows and head for stiller waters. :)