Paranoia

This weekend was sort of hectic. Nothing really happened but I spent a lot of it freaking out over little things and nothing at all. I hit levels of paranoia I have never felt before. I came up with ideas and stories that didn’t really exist. At one point, on Friday night, I blew a large fuse. Thing is, I have (as of late) started to actually believe my mind’s stories, in my head. I’m not sure if I need Toby to stop it, or if it’s gotten out of mind because he’s now there to help. Maybe I’m not strong enough to push it aside, but instead I rely on him helping me to do so. And, if he does not, I become worse off. I can believe almost anything at all. This weekend I convinced myself that the people who live on our floor are all plotting against us. Actually plotting against us. Like any of them are clever enough to do so. I contemplated removing this website from the internet in hopes of hiding. From what? Things in my head. That’s all. (This ended with the removal of my email [which I am sure will be put back up eventually], the ‘I am’ section and my picture). When did this begin? It’s annoying. (I know I’m acting silly). When does paranoia become real? When do I begin to change my every day life? I just want to write it down. I’m sure I’ll get paranoid and change it as soon as I hit send. I can’t shake it sometimes. It just eats the rational side and throws the remains out of my head. They skitter around looking to return as Mr. Paranoia kicks me inside out. I don’t know. It’s not something I can control sometimes. This weekend was one of those times.
Is anyone else paranoid?

8 Comments

  1. Paranoid? With all those flying monkeys just waiting for the right moment to pounce? What do you think?

    I think lil’ sis needs to come down to DC for a visit.

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  2. A visit? Try helping us move there. :) Yes. Virginia is for lovers. Right?

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  3. funny, i did that same “black it all out” thing on friday in a fit of the same thing. i think it has something to do with the alignment of the planets…

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  4. Don’t forget the full moon last night, guys. There was just a weird vibe all around, I’d say.

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  5. By the way, Mihow…I like what you replaced your picture with. That’s one of my favourites of your pictures from the subway.

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  6. Toby brought something up that made me think….

    Perhaps it’s the lack of vices i have any more. I stopped smoking. Drinking sucks any more and I don’t do drugs (or else I could blame it on the pot). Maybe now that I spend a lot of time in my head, I’m just sorting through old thoughts and this must happen before I am ‘clean’ again.

    Not sure if that makes any sense. Maybe it’s like spring cleaning. Maybe I need to get my hands dirty before it all makes sense.

    Being paranoid sucks.

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  7. i flipped out this weekend too:
    http://www.yayhooray.com/s-forums.cfm?action=read&id=48360

    not paranoid as much (though i am dreadfully scared of brittney spears)

    but i’ve had it w/new york. its giving me too much stress and making me hate everyone around me

    danny is a good person. so is my mother. but if i were in an elevator with either of them right now, i’d probably snap and try to kill.

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  8. Oh dear, jon. I think yayhooray is the last place I want to go right now. I can’t deal with any of that shit right now.

    I hope you’re ok. :(

    I need to get the hell out of here. That’s all there is to it. And I want to bring my tobyjoe with me, under my arm, dressed in blankets, equipped with pillows and head for stiller waters. :)

    Reply

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