To humanever it may concern,

I regret to inform you that my friend, feeder, and feline keeper forgot it was Tuesday. She didn’t forget about me—she will never forget about me. I won’t let her. I drool on her, stand on her fat rolls, and steal her food.

She has promised me that she will write about how awesome I am next week.

Sincerely yours,

Murray

P.S. Also, I want you all to take notice of the fact that not every cat on the Internet writes like a retard. I has good pawmanship.