A couple of weeks ago I decided to make a sandwich only to discover we were completely out of bread. As I cursed at Toby for finishing off the bread and not letting me know, I heated up some soup instead. Later that day I purchased two loaves of bread at our local Key Foods.
A few days later I was lying on the floor playing with Emory when I noticed something peculiar underneath the couch. At first it looked like it might be Murray’s red catnip pillow. But we got rid of that a long, long time ago. What was this mystery object under the couch?
I put the loaf of bread back where it belonged and noticed that TobyJoe had finished off the other loaf. We were down to one loaf of bread that loaf was punctured by cat teeth and paw prints.
Our apartment isn’t exactly baby friendly. We live in a railroad apartment where one room leads into another making it impossible to have any closed off area for a baby. It’s just a big open space—no definite barriers, no doors to shut, nothing. It’s a great for giving the illusion of open space, but horrible if you have a baby. It’s just not possible to close off an area in a railroad apartment.
This means that on any given day I spend the majority of my time with one eye on him and the other on the laundry, cleaning, bathing, cat feeding, Internet writing, bill paying, etc. etc. etc. It’s not easy. I’m not trying to sound like a big ol’ whiney bitch, but it’s not easy.
Some areas of the apartment are just all out dangerous, take the computer desk for example. There are more wires leading to an from that desk than one might find at Clark Griswold’s house at Christmas time. I refer to this area as the Gaza Strip.
There are, however, a few areas where I can take one eye away from him for a second. For example, the rug in the living room is really safe. It’s usually covered in toys, wooden spoons, spatulas, and plastic containers for amusement. I call this area The Green Zone.
So, yesterday I was hanging out with Emory in the Green Zone letting him play and babble. I didn’t worry too much about his getting into trouble since it’s such a safe area. But then he started to crawl away from the Green Zone. That’s when my left eye began to wander.
If you have a toddler and/or a baby who crawls, you are very aware of the moments of silence that erupt when they’re not supposed to. Perhaps your little one stops moving suddenly, all babbles come to an end. It’s at that moment you realize he or she is up to a degree of something less than positive. It doesn’t mean there’s something horribly dangerous taking place either. It’s probably more likely that you’ll interrupt your little guy stuffing a handful of cat hair into his mouth or sucking on your very filthy sock. Or maybe you discover that he’s remoistening a slice of very stale bread taken from a loaf of bread that’s been stored in an otherwise empty side table.
Why Murray is storing loaves of bread, I haven’t the slightest idea. But he’s making childproofing this apartment all the more difficult. I really am starting to believe baby and cat are in cahoots.
And our bread is now being refrigerated.