Tuesdays With Murray (Chapter 37)

It takes anywhere from five to 15 minutes for Murray to take a poop. It’s never an easy, in ‘n out kind of deal. I think he plans for it, actually, like a vacation or a picnic in the park.

I’m usually in bed or watching something REALLY IMPORTANT on the television whenever he decides it’s time to unload. Never in my life have I met a cat with such a noisy poop ritual. (Incidentally, this is the main reason we got a DVR. The TV must be paused for the duration otherwise we miss everything.)

I guess it’s a good thing the noise I’m complaining about doesn’t actually come from within or due to anything passing from one place to another. According to TobyJoe, that’s not even possible since cats are incapable of making fart sounds on the account of their having only one sphincter.

The things you learn while married to TobyJoe.

No, the noise doesn’t come from Murray’s butt itself. The noise comes from his inability to carve out the perfect dirt dent. No doodoo dent is good enough for Murray. He probably creates anywhere from 5 to 35 holes before doing his business. Perhaps it’s the feline version of searching for that perfect magazine? I have no idea what type of hole he considers good enough to envelope his poop. They always look the same to me.

I realized today that (if I’m lucky) I’ll probably know Murray for another 15 years and in that time the only thing I can be absolutely sure of is that I’ll never, ever figure him out.


  1. in 15 years, science would have found the fountain of youth for cats.

    the rest of us will be screwed, but cats will live forever.

    mark my words.


  2. Ah, Murray and my cats seem to share strange bathroom habits! One of our cats also takes AGES in the box. This morning, I was in the back garden gathering some rubbish, when my husband signaled she was on the box – it is right next to the door- so I had to wait to come in as to not disturb her. I was out there for a good ten minutes. The other two (the boys) like to go in together. One of our cats, Paddington, is also VERY noisy on the box. Not farting? It certainly sounds like it. And he likes to look at us while he does it.

    I have never had cats before we got these three little devils, so everything they do just baffles me. But in a good way.


  3. Before my old cat died she did the exact same thing, it drove me nuts. She was so particular about where she did her bussiness the other cats used to fuss.

    It was kinda funny, but it resulted in a line for the litter box.


  4. I’ve heard my cat fart before. At first I thought I was imagining things, but other people have heard it, too. I have a strange cat.


  5. And in that 15 years he will have dug 164,250 holes and only actually pooped in 10,950 of them. Such a waste, such a waste.


  6. CC: Hilarious. And an excellent point.

    My cat, Schmitty (may he rest in peace) farted a few times but he was sick at the time. I guess what I meant was an audible fart. It’s rare for kitties to make sounds while farting. But man do they ever fart! Murray used to clear the room. Seriously.


  7. randolph farts (and mortimer sometimes too), but it just sounds like air releasing. like a light “tsst” sound.

    and if we’re talking about poop, randolph has a bad habbit. he takes awful smelling poops and doesn’t cover them.


  8. All three of our cats have weird bathroom habits. Dub definitely had some gas issues when he was sick with his GI problems, and all three of those little nerds can let some major stench rip.

    I shudder to think what sort of weird search strings are going to turn up in your stats as a result of all of this cat fart talk.


  9. At our house, we call it burying a moose. My littlest cat, Ada, is quite good at this. The other night, I woke up, convinced that someone was coming up the stairs. I poked my husband to wake him up, and he listened for a minute. Then he put his head back down and told me it was just Ada burying another moose.

    We love our cats! :)


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