There’s so much to write, I don’t even know where to begin. And I’m going to wait on all the glorious birthing details because it’s just such a massively long story, I’m currently trying to come up with a way in which to share it all without having it turn into one, really long post. It might take me a while to finish, but I need to do this because in time I’m certain my memory will fade and I simply must hold onto this one. It’s far too important to let age, diminish, and crumble.
The mornings are incredible and the days are filled with “I love you so much, little guy.” And, “You’re the single most amazing thing I have ever done.” But the nights have been a bit rough. At dusk, I am suddenly hit with a deep feeling of sorrow. I know it’s chemical, but it doesn’t stop me from crying. I sit around and sigh. It’s weird, this feeling of sorrow. I haven’t felt this variety since I was a kid. I have adult things to worry about now instead of monsters, dark closets, and poltergeists so the feelings are a lot more intense. I know this will pass but it doesn’t make it any less real.
I know it to be a cliché but I love this little person more than I can put into words. I spend hours on end just staring at him, reminding myself that I did this! I created this little person, his ears, nose, mouth, fingers, toes, and lips – even his miniature plumber butt. This realization is enough to bring a person to their knees. And I’m an entirely different person from the one I was a week ago.
(Mama needs a lesson or two in how to put a diaper on. Oops! Probably the smallest plumber butt ever.)
I’ll write more in time. I want to compile my birthing story (in a certain fashion) and really capture the time I spent with Emory in recovery (which was a very trying time for me/us both physically and emotionally). In the meantime, I’ll just write about how much I love him and how amazing it is to be a mother. Oh, and there’s Myrtle Man, aka Murray to reckon with as well. (Tuesdays with Murray are not over – not at all – but they might be on hold or half-assed until things settle down a bit.)