I have put on 22 pounds since getting pregnant. 22 pounds. This is troubling for me. I know I’m supposed to be putting on weight, but 22 pounds, man. Here’s how I think: since my baby currently weighs (at most) 1.5 pounds and will probably weigh 7.5 pounds when he’s born, I’ve got at least another 6.0 pounds to add to that total. That means I can depend on gaining 28 pounds by the end of this. And that doesn’t include the other stuff: fat, water, placenta, or boobage. At the rate I’m going, I’m going to have put on well over 35 pounds by the time this is all said and done.
Oh, and I can no longer see my crotch. Shaving my legs has become a comedy routine. I have great difficulty rolling over and sitting up in bed. When I do, I resemble one of these creatures. (Video clip.) My hips ache. I pee constantly. This list is endless.