Today is my birthday and the biggest pair of pants I own no longer fit. Today is my birthday and it’s so cold out, my snot froze to my upper lip and I didn’t even feel it it was that cold. Today is my birthday and I tried to go to the gym. I walked outside and slipped on the ice and so Tobyjoe told me I had to go back home, that our fetus wanted me to. Today is my birthday so I did go back home, snot covered and fat. Today is my birthday and earlier I accidentally pushed a post live that wasn’t meant to go live about stats and lurkers and it was grumpy and I screwed up because Mephisto still confuses me. Today is my birthday and I grabbed a hot pan without an oven mitt and that made the word “F*ck” come out of my mouth. Today is my birthday and tonight we’re going to Bond Street Sushi where I can’t eat that much of what is awesome but I will deal. Today is my birthday and I’m pregnant and the spit won’t stop coming and my tummy is upset and I’m fat and my pants don’t fit. Today is my birthday and I will wake up tomorrow without the hint of a hangover, which is a good thing believe it or not. Today is my birthday and the book I’m reading bores me to tears. Today is my birthday and I haven’t showered yet and my hair is stringy and my eyes are filled with goo and my right nostril was bloody this morning and then my snot froze. Today is my birthday and I woke up with a zit on my neck. Today is my birthday and I’m 33 and I like that age because I like threes but I don’t want it to be cold and I want to go swimming. Today is my birthday and I can’t stop peeing.
Today is my birthday and I don’t feel at all pretty.
Today is my birthday and I bet we’re having a boy.
Today is my birthday and I don’t yet have a Cookie Puss and I’m not sure I really need (or want) one.


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