Woe is Me at 33

Today is my birthday and the biggest pair of pants I own no longer fit. Today is my birthday and it’s so cold out, my snot froze to my upper lip and I didn’t even feel it it was that cold. Today is my birthday and I tried to go to the gym. I walked outside and slipped on the ice and so Tobyjoe told me I had to go back home, that our fetus wanted me to. Today is my birthday so I did go back home, snot covered and fat. Today is my birthday and earlier I accidentally pushed a post live that wasn’t meant to go live about stats and lurkers and it was grumpy and I screwed up because Mephisto still confuses me. Today is my birthday and I grabbed a hot pan without an oven mitt and that made the word “F*ck” come out of my mouth. Today is my birthday and tonight we’re going to Bond Street Sushi where I can’t eat that much of what is awesome but I will deal. Today is my birthday and I’m pregnant and the spit won’t stop coming and my tummy is upset and I’m fat and my pants don’t fit. Today is my birthday and I will wake up tomorrow without the hint of a hangover, which is a good thing believe it or not. Today is my birthday and the book I’m reading bores me to tears. Today is my birthday and I haven’t showered yet and my hair is stringy and my eyes are filled with goo and my right nostril was bloody this morning and then my snot froze. Today is my birthday and I woke up with a zit on my neck. Today is my birthday and I’m 33 and I like that age because I like threes but I don’t want it to be cold and I want to go swimming. Today is my birthday and I can’t stop peeing.

Today is my birthday and I don’t feel at all pretty.

Today is my birthday and I bet we’re having a boy.

Today is my birthday and I don’t yet have a Cookie Puss and I’m not sure I really need (or want) one.

44 Comments

  1. Happy Birthday. Enjoying that fat feeling. You are pregnant….you know another human living in you kind of changes the way you are shaped.

    I hope to god you are not reading the bookI recommended to you. If you are please read 100 pages before giving up!!!

    Meg

    Reply

  2. Nope! It’s the one Nico suggested. (Sorry if you’re reading this Nico!) I am not sure what it is but it’s boring me to tears. :[ I hope that it changes soon. It seems to be turning, so that’s good. But I’m 114 pages in and it just isn’t grabbing me.

    Reply

  3. nervous and small January 29, 2007 at 4:43 pm

    H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y !!!!!!

    Reply

  4. Happy Birthday, first and foremost!!

    I’m sorry! I knew it was my recommendation when I read the post. I should have warned you that it is a very slow, contemplative book. Try reading it and think about families and (future) children and the like.

    or just sell it. sorry.

    you need a cookiepus. I had one for my 30th and ate myself sick.

    Reply

  5. Happy Birthday to you! 33 was a great year for me, hopefully yours will be just as wonderful.

    Cheers and hugs and best wishes, and I still want to make you mac & cheese and deviled eggs sometime.

    Reply

  6. “Today is my birthday and the biggest pair of pants I own no longer fit.”

    But you’re pregnant, so thats awesome!

    Where’s the line “Today is my birthday and I’m going to have Toby’s baby!”

    I hate those neck zits. I woke up with one the other day. Tea-Tree oil. Go to the body shop or trader joes. Trader Joes actually has awesome skin-care stuff – it looks ghetto and cheap, but you’ll see the same stuff in health shops for 2-3x the price. To combat the stringiness I suggest getting some terax conditioner. Amber (remember her?) was addicted to it. Rather expensive hair conditioner from Italy, but freaking amazing.

    Reply

  7. Wait a minute, did I spell cookiepuss wrong? Dear lord, I feel like I have SINNED!

    Nico, I think it’s just my state of mind right now. It’s really well written but I think I’m just easily annoyed these days. I’m annoyed that he keeps jumping around so much! I just start getting into something and then a page later he’s onto something else.

    But I’m going to stick to it.

    Thank you, everyone.

    Reply

  8. Jonathan, I am hitting the city tonight for the first time since lord knows when, so I think I will take you up on that suggestion.

    Jen, I tried to make deviled eggs last night, based on your photograph, and they turned out like shit. The eggs were overdone and gelatenous (sp?) so they didn’t peel well so I made TJ make me egg salad, which tasted god awful. I failed MISERABLY at the deviled egg thing. I was so annoyed last night. haha

    Seriously, I have NO freaking clue how to make good hard boiled eggs. No clue at all apparently.

    Reply

  9. Happy Birthday my dear friend!
    I remember that feeling when you discover you can no longer fit into your pants. Kind of annoying but exciting at the same time. Especially when you discover that “hey! this calls for a new wardrobe!!” Believe it or not there are some quite nice and not too expensive maternity clothing out there….
    Also, forgive me, but what is a cookiepuss???

    Reply

  10. no no. i spelled it wrong. cookie pus. ew.

    Reply

  11. Cookie Puss ad. enjoy.

    Reply

  12. Thanks for the link Nico. Now I remember what a Cookie Puss is….It has been years since I have thought of the Carvel ice Cream cakes….yummmmmm!!!!
    Mihow, if I knew how to send you a Cookie Puss I would! :o)

    Reply

  13. Nico, that needs a direct link so people won’t be lazy about it.

    What a great ad.

    Reply

  14. Happy Birthday & belated congratulations. I’m excited for you! I didn’t think you noticed my comment when I guessed you were pregnant, but you correctly ignored it. Hope I didn’t freak you out, but those feelings were toooo familiar.
    The first couple of months can be miserable. Tiredness did me in. My husband said he never saw me w/my eyes open for 3 months. I also mourned for the loss of my child free life and my image of myself. I planned my pregnancy, but the transition was very rough for me. If I can offer any words of wisdom they are, “Everything is temporary.” It’s the one thing I wish someone would have told me when the whole adventure began, and it applies to after the baby is born, too. Every phase of pregnancy & a child’s development is replaced by another. Sometimes it happens quicker than you think, and you just have to ride it out.
    In the meantime splurge on some maternity clothes or at least some pants right now. I looked better in my maternity pants than in my old, big pants & it did wonders for my self esteem. The first time I tried on maternity tops, however I cried, but that was part of the rough transition…
    Anyway, the Mihow community is on your side and sending happy thoughts your way. Enjoy your birthday!

    Reply

  15. Anyone know if I can get decent maternity clothing online? I can’t say I know where to go in NYC and to be honest with you, I really, really don’t want to have to deal with a HUGE crowd right now and NYC is so busy all the time, stores especially. I’d rather do this online. I’m too bitchy to go shop. Hell, I’m almost to bitchy to leave the house right now let alone deal with a bunch of skinny bitches at H&M. heh

    Any suggestions?

    Pghgirl, we saw your comment, for sure. TJ was like, “Who called you out?!” hehe.

    I want overalls.

    Reply

  16. michele-
    you can look at bluefly , nordstrom , smartbargains for fancy big brand stuff on sale
    for neater , smaller stuff , no clue. once you can handle nyc, i’d suggest century 21.

    Reply

  17. Nico and I tried Century 21. I don’t know. I just want to go in, not fight, buy some fat pants and call it a day.

    Reply

  18. hehehe. Once I sent it I thought, “How in the heck is anyone supposed to respond to that?” I knew that if you hadn’t mentioned it you weren’t ready to tell us. I just wanted to tease, but didn’t think before I sent.

    Not sure how you feel about the gap & old navy, but I bought most of my maternity stuff there on-line. I splurged on my jeans & they were great. I also had a nice pair of light khakis for the summer & the polos & tshirts were really flattering. I only bought what was on sale, except for the jeans, but found a bunch of coordinating stuff to make different outfits. Almost all of it fit in my regular size and what didn’t, a dress & a skirt, I took back to the store.

    Reply

  19. Happy Birthday and all that good stuff that comes with becoming 33!! It’s a fabulous year.. I’m 3 months into mine :)

    As for your fat pants- if you can stand it Old Navy. Everyone at ye old job was raving about their cheap yet comfy style.

    Reply

  20. I’ll do Gap online. And old navy. I don’t care. I just need to wear pants since it’s so cold out.

    Reply

  21. happy birthday babies!
    xxxxxooooooo
    how about a virtual cookiepuss?

    Reply

  22. Awwww, you’re beautiful and stop thinking differently.

    Find some baggy clothes and enjoy snuggling until it is warm enough to go out again.

    Reply

  23. Happy Birthday! just think how glad your mother was 33 years ago whe you popped out naked and screaming. Only 6 more months till you experience the same.

    Reply

  24. Gap, Old Navy, Target, H&M for cheap and cute. (Gap used to have awesome overalls which I lived in while pregnant.)

    babystyle.com, http://www.destinationmaternity.com are also two to look at.

    There’s a big maternity clothing store/outlet type place somewhere in the 50s near Madison, maybe 54th Street? It’s been a while for me but if I can find it I’ll let you know.

    Embrace the belly!

    Reply

  25. Jen, awesome. Thank you! I was just on the Gap site looking for overalls. They have awesome shirts. Thanks for the other sites as well.

    I need to embrace the belly, I know. But I really should have lost 10 pounds before getting knocked up. I think I’m just being really super critical of myself today.

    Thing is, I don’t look pregnant yet. I just look bigger, like I’ve been tapping into too many Mrs. T’s. Oh, wait, that’s actually true.

    Reply

  26. Found it:

    Maternite Works Outlet
    16-18 West 57th Street
    (212) 399-9840
    Hours: Monday through Wednesday 10 AM to 7 PM, Thursday 10 AM to 8 PM, Friday and Saturday 10 AM to 6 PM, Sunday 12 to 6 PM
    Mimi Maternity, Maternite, A Pea in the Pod, and Motherhood Maternity are all owned by the same company and this second-floor store is a clearinghouse for all their wares at significantly reduced prices.

    I forgot the most important thing – HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    Reply

  27. Nah, the most important thing is finding me some pants. ;]

    Reply

  28. Happy birthday Mihow!!
    You’re not fat – as someone above noted, you have another human being growing inside you! There is a big (no pun intended!) difference!

    Reply

  29. I heard that if you let your eggs sit in the fridge for a day or two before boiling them, the shell will not stick.

    Reply

  30. Snotty and/or fat (you’re so NOT fat, come on!), I hope you have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

    Reply

  31. happy birthday!!!!!!!!!

    put eggs in water with some salt and vinegar, bring to boil start “egg-timer” set for ten minutes….buzzer rings plop eggs into bowl of ice-water. the fast chill stops the cooking of the egg and contracts the insides away from the shell. at least that’s what grandma told me, but maybe it’s magic?

    just remember this…..there’s nothing sexier that a pregnant woman! my 2 cents on the issue!

    Reply

  32. My eggs are always super jelly like. The yolks are always really orange, not at all what I remember from being a kid (super yellow and dry-ish). I have no idea why they are so bad, my hard boiled eggs.

    Reply

  33. Happy Birthday Mihow!

    Reply

  34. Happy Birthday. Personally I believe you can eat whatever the heck you want while preggos. My boss’ wife gave me that piece of advice when I was pregnant and at some point I realized she was right… raw alligator meat and all.

    Reply

  35. gummy eggs, i’d guess they are not cooked long enough. just remember, ten minutes “after” it comes to a boil and i mean a rip-rollin’ boil, not just a simmer and there you go!

    Reply

  36. See, that’s what I thought but then last night I set the timer for 15 minutes (admitedly, I didn’t stand there to find out when it began to boil so I don’t know how long the boiled for) but after 15 minutes from water in pot to boil, they were gummy. I bet they were in there for 10 minutes, easily. Did I overdo it?

    I had a similar post before about egg salad. I still haven’t figured this out and before I got all preggers, it didn’t bother me. But last night I was crying over having bad eggs. haha

    Sharlene: Raw alligator meat? You don’t say!

    Reply

  37. Just found your blog and I’m glad I did. Anyway…
    Happy Birthday! Pregnancy stinks, but it gets better.

    Reply

  38. Michele,
    As far as maternity clothing, check out the Gap and Old Navy as others have suggested. Some of my favorite things I wore were from those stores. Motherhood Maternity is cheap and the quality of clothing is just as cheap. I did find some success with consignment stores for kids clothes. They usually sell maternity clothing too. Because they are at a consignment shop, most of the clothing is in really good shape and have reasonable prices.
    Good luck.

    Reply

  39. and happy birthday to that.

    Reply

  40. When I’m boiling eggs, I usually just wing it and they usually turn out. I do always chill them in an ice bath right after taking them off the heat, which seems to help.

    Food and Wine dot com has this to say:

    In a large saucepan, cover the eggs with cold water and bring to a boil over high heat; boil for 1 minute. Remove the saucepan from the heat, cover and let stand for 10 minutes.

    Drain the eggs and cool them under cold running water, shaking the pan vigorously to crack the shells. Add ice cubes to the pan and let stand until the eggs are cool. Drain and peel the eggs.

    Reply

  41. Michele, Happy Birthday! Target has some cute maternity clothes too! Once you have those clothes that fit, you will feel much better!

    Reply

  42. Happy belated b’day! Liz Lange does a cheap line for Target. Don’t dry any of it in the dryer and you’ll be OK. Try Babystyle (www.babystyle.com). They have super-cute stuff and sell a lot of transition clothes (not really showing but nothing fits). I did a lot of gap and old navy too. You might also consider a bella band so you don’t have to buy anything yet-www.bellaband.com

    Reply

  43. Re: the maternity wear, I just saw this on nymag.com and thought of you:

    1/31 and 2/1 Select mommywear at Cadeau is on sale from $25. 254 Elizabeth St., nr. Prince St. (212-994-1801); 10–7.

    Reply

  44. Jen, you rock.

    Y’all rock. I am totally going to go shopping in my underwear tomorrow!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s