I woke up at 10:00 AM today. I’m a little shocked by this feat. Lately, I haven’t been able to sleep much at all. I headed to the gym after prying myself out of bed. I did 30 minutes worth of cardio and then hit the mats to do some stretching. After that, I headed to the weights. All in all, I had a great workout, felt like I accomplished something and after yesterday’s Biggest Loser Marathon, one might say I was inspired.
I was famished when I left and every time I work out I immediately crave sandwiches, more specifically, sandwiches smothered in salt and pepper and oil and vinegar. (Oh, how I love me some vinegar.) I wanted a veggie sub from Subway but I’m trying to avoid the big chains these days. It’s a long story, I guess I just don’t feel safe eating that kind of stuff this close to New Jersey. Today, not unlike almost every other day last week, I decided on Bagelsmith. I ordered a roll with cheddar cheese, provolone, lettuce, spicy mustard and a whole slew of oil and vinegar. I was so excited.
I drove home, which is the distance of about a mile. When I arrived back to the neighborhood it was 12:36 PM and there wasn’t any street parking. The Tuesday side of the street would be off limits for another 20+ minutes. I drove around the block a few times, looked under the BQE, nothing was open. And I was hungry. And everyone knows how I get when I’m hungry.
As I drove around aimlessly looking for imaginary parking, I finally decided that instead of wasting gas looking for a parking spot, why not just park on the Tuesday side, consume my sandwich, and wait until 1 PM? Plus, if I spent 20 minutes today waiting for legal parking, I wouldn’t have to move it again until Friday. That’s what I did. I parked directly across the street from our apartment and began to eat my lunch.
I kept the keys cocked and the car ready for motion on the off chance some lazy parking attendant showed up. (Our parking ticket attendants are so lazy, they don’t get out of their cars in order to remove the duct tape from a car’s license plate when it sits on the sidewalk at the local mechanic. In fact, one time when it was raining I got a ticket for an expired inspection. But here’s the thing, they never actually got out of their vehicle in order to give me the ticket. It’s a good thing I’m such a parking ticket regular because had I not been online to pay another ticket, I never would have seen that one. At first I thought the ticket was stolen for some reason but a local mechanic once told me that if there’s any obstacle at all, the lazy parking attendants won’t get out of their car. And weather is a huge obstacle for them.) I really don’t have a lot of nice things to say about NYC parking attendants. And I certainly wasn’t going to let anyone give me a ticket.
So I sat there. I sat there for 20 minutes waiting until the clock struck 1 PM. And it wasn’t so bad because there’s nothing more soothing than a sun heated car in the winter. It felt really nice. I almost fell asleep.
I drive an old Volvo. On older Volvos, one must hold the handle up in order to lock the front car doors. So, you push the lock down, hold the handle up, and push the door shut. I don’t mind the extra step because it keeps me from locking my keys in the car, which would suck because we lost our other set of keys over a year ago.
I got out of the car at 1 PM and locked the door. It was right at that very moment I realized that the get away car was still cocked and ready to go. I looked in the window and saw the keys dangling from the ignition. Looks like the lazy parking meter people got the last laugh after all.
The car doesn’t have to move until Friday but I have no idea how I’m going to get into it. I guess we’ll have to pry the already broken sunroof open. What a pain in my ass. Welcome to 2007. Welcome to post number one within the ever long series entitled “Mihow Does Something Stupid”.
Mihow 
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