We’re leaving on Saturday. For a week we’ll be spending our days near a pool and a great big lake, surrounded by giant Florida bugs and 90-degree weather. (100+ if you count the humidity.) I’ll be wearing a bathing suit. A lot.
The last time I visited the salon, I asked the woman to “clean up the bikini line.” I was heading to Rhode Island in three days and I wanted to look less like a female bear and more like a skinned potato. There are few things more humiliating than being lectured by a woman holding hot wax above your pantless body.
“Did you shave?!”
“Yes. I thought I was supposed to for upkeep.”
“You not supposed to shave.” She said in broken English. “Very bad. Ingrown hairs. This will take time. I see many.”
We had already been through the whole wax, place, pat, and tear so ever pore was standing upright and screaming. But that didn’t stop her from pulling out the tweezers. And I sat there for another 15 minutes while she plucked. I thought for every hair, “I’m paying for this?” And then I thought, “I will never do this again.”
It hurt, people. I have tattoos and some body piercing and this bloody hurt.
Well, bathing suit time is upon us again. And I’d like to avoid having small children mistakenly think I have Chip or Dale tucked into my bathing suit bottoms. I simply must do something about this.
Here’s the deal. Because of the whole DO NOT shave lecture I got from her the last time and the fact that I’m neurotic about this sort of thing, I haven’t shaved since I visited her the last time. (I’m not a particularly hairy person, so it’s not that bad. It’s bad but not that bad.)
Is there such thing as too much hair for the public waxing establishment? Should I take a Flowbee to it first? Can I walk in there, drop my pants, and not get another lecture? I’m supposed to do this tonight.