Wax On. Hair Off.

We’re leaving on Saturday. For a week we’ll be spending our days near a pool and a great big lake, surrounded by giant Florida bugs and 90-degree weather. (100+ if you count the humidity.) I’ll be wearing a bathing suit. A lot.

The last time I visited the salon, I asked the woman to “clean up the bikini line.” I was heading to Rhode Island in three days and I wanted to look less like a female bear and more like a skinned potato. There are few things more humiliating than being lectured by a woman holding hot wax above your pantless body.

“Did you shave?!”

“Yes. I thought I was supposed to for upkeep.”

“You not supposed to shave.” She said in broken English. “Very bad. Ingrown hairs. This will take time. I see many.”

We had already been through the whole wax, place, pat, and tear so ever pore was standing upright and screaming. But that didn’t stop her from pulling out the tweezers. And I sat there for another 15 minutes while she plucked. I thought for every hair, “I’m paying for this?” And then I thought, “I will never do this again.”

It hurt, people. I have tattoos and some body piercing and this bloody hurt.

Well, bathing suit time is upon us again. And I’d like to avoid having small children mistakenly think I have Chip or Dale tucked into my bathing suit bottoms. I simply must do something about this.

Here’s the deal. Because of the whole DO NOT shave lecture I got from her the last time and the fact that I’m neurotic about this sort of thing, I haven’t shaved since I visited her the last time. (I’m not a particularly hairy person, so it’s not that bad. It’s bad but not that bad.)

Is there such thing as too much hair for the public waxing establishment? Should I take a Flowbee to it first? Can I walk in there, drop my pants, and not get another lecture? I’m supposed to do this tonight.

11 Comments

  1. I would probably trim. They say you need at least a quarter inch of hair to wax well… But I would think that too much more than that would get in the way and/or hurt more. So yeah… I’d break out the scissors and trim it down to a half inch or so.

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  2. Your google ad right now is for a Free Muffaletta Sandwich.

    Enough said.

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  3. Dude, I would never, ever, ever do that. Ever. Good freaking luck.

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  4. YIKES. I would never do that either, the full wax, and I do shave the whole kit and kaboodle. Heh.
    Read this post—the woman is freaking hilarious, first of all, and secondly, she gives some good advice:
    http://thumbscre.ws/2006/09/anti-bush.html

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  5. Woah, woah! Hold your pants on. Who said anything about shaving everything? I might loathe the underpants and all, but I ain’t getting rid of what separates my parts from my pants.

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  6. It helps me avoid those pesky dingleberries.

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  7. hey mihow – here are some super fun female pain tips!

    i would trim. The waxer needs 1/4 inch to grab onto, but 1/4 is not really all that long.
    take 2 advil (or something stronger if you have it…) before you go, and avoid aspirin as it’s an anticoagulant.
    wear boxers.

    hmm, what else. definitely get drunk afterwards. and have fun in florida! :)

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  8. I totally chickened out, btw. Perhaps I’ll get one of these.

    boxers? that’s brilliant. You seem like a wise one.

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  9. have fun in floriday mihow!

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  10. You should buy those ‘boy short’ bikini bottoms and a bikini top! So cute, and totally solves the problem of that area. I LOVE THEM.

    Reply

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