Friends. How Many Of Us Have Them?

Yes, I totally just quoted a Whodini song.

Yesterday, was a really, really rough day for me. My head was all over the place. I wasn’t very pleasant to be around. I certainly wasn’t very pleasant to know. It sucked. I sucked. I should bury my head in the sand instead of attempting the social thing at all. Plus, as I’m certain some of you may have noticed, I totally freaked out on here yesterday. Ah well. I can’t undo that now as much as I’d like to.

Last night, we attended a going away party for Rion. While I visit her site often, and we email back and forth, up until last night, I hadn’t actually met her. When I received the invitation to see her and her husband off to Paris, I said I’d be there. We went. For the first half an hour, maybe more, I was frozen with fear, unable to introduce myself to anyone. We stood about 15 feet away. When did I turn into such a coward? In the end, after I got over whatever weirdness I made up, everything was fine. It was great to finally meet her.

We are supposed to go to D.C. this weekend. Lately, for reasons I can’t explain, I feel a little friendless. I really want to see Soung, David, Donald, James, Mike, Kyra (this list could go on and on). While I have the most understanding, patient, and loving husband alive, I need (and miss) my friends. And lately, I feel like they’re really far away from me.

The problem is, Amtrak costs a bloody fortune. (The cheapest tickets I could find were 376.00 and that had us arriving there tonight at around 11:30 PM and heading back on Sunday at either 8:00 AM or 7 PM.) I am having a difficult time justifying that much for so little visiting time. It’d be one thing if we had a three-day weekend. But we don’t. Soung suggested the bus. Actually, her email read:

It did take me 6 hours to get to Brooklyn but the trip back was better. It feels long but if you have a book and music or sudoku puzzles then I still think it’s worth it.

To which I replied:

Sodoku puzzles?

(I kind of already knew what they were but only because it seems that all of New York’s commuters are trying to complete these damn puzzles. I just didn’t know their name. I’m cursing Soung, however, because after she mentioned them, I downloaded a bunch and now I’m hooked.)

We contemplated driving as well. But traffic is usually horrid all the way from New York City, through Jersey, and into D.C. Plus, the car would run us almost 300.00 dollars. I’m not about to drive ours all that way. Especially since I still haven’t gotten it inspected. Which is another reason why I suck.

So, we’re not sure what to do. And I feel lonely and I feel like I failed. And I’m annoyed with myself and I feel like throwing this site in the trash sometimes. And I’m angry that I very nearly did yesterday and I’m unsure why it even matters.

I had a mind steeping with the desire to sit around talking tea and sipping life. And I so enjoy doing that with Soung.

I feel a little empty today. I welcome spring.

13 Comments

  1. Mihow, as one who also moves a lot and tends to create chaos in her own life, I know very much how you feel. I have found that having amazing friends here doesn’t make you miss the other friendships (and times and places) less, and sometimes the differences in everything and everyone get overwhelmed into a sense of loss. I wonder if it’d be easier if I were doing this with a partner but I can’t say. I miss DC, I haven’t been back in a year. I miss my apt in brooklyn, i miss my life when I lived on Florida Ave in Dupont.

    It’s strange how big this city can feel when you want your friends close, and small it feels when you just want to be alone.

    There is a sudoku widget for the mac. I still think Chinatown express (while nutty) is cheap, fast and easy, except for the odd hours.

    I don’t know why we feel this way—if it’s something we create in our heads or if it’s a sort of accumulated feeling of moves, missing, loss, and shyness that comes from having used a lot of energy on the constant tackling of new situations.

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  2. mia, you’re the sweetest gal ever.

    We need to see each other more often. I hereby DEMAND it.

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  3. I don’t know what I would do with my friends. They keep me sane. Here’s to hoping you feel less empty soon. And that Springs decides to, well, spring itself upon the East coast. And the West coast, for that matter.

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  4. It sounds like 400 dollars would be well spent for even a few hours of closeness.

    I know all too well what it feels like to be away from those I love. If I were you, I’d just go.

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  5. Amtrak SUCKS. Busses suck more, but if you are with your hubby that means neither of you have to sit next to a psychopath and if you have music/books/laptop or other such entertainment, you’d be fine.
    You must go. Friends are the balm to ease our pains.
    You will be too sad if you don’t go.
    Hugs to you and lots of love, too.

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  6. Momhow is a Soduko junkie. I hardly ever see her anymore.
    Why don’t you fly? It’s cheaper and faster.

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  7. I’m sorry you had a bad day Sweetpea. I can’t wait to meet you, we are two peas in a pod.

    (did I just say that?)

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  8. There’s some soduko online community with an amazing css/javascript thing. i can’t find it online.

    use someone’s aaa card for a 10% discount on amtrak. that brings it down to like 340, which is way better than 380.

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  9. for my money, the drive is worth it. having family still in NY and a mom that hates driving, I’ve found that all the other ways are more expensive than driving and just as long. I can suggest, however, that time of day does help with the drive (If you are willing to leave in the evening, say after 7 or 8 pm you’ll probably miss some of the Jersey traffic and all of DC’s traffic) and also I know a kick-ass back route around Baltimore. Mileage-wise its pretty much the same, if not actually shorter, and you save about $7-9 in tolls.

    Let me know if you’d like the info.

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  10. Dude, I’ve lived in Raleigh for 2 1/2 years and I basically have no friends here. I have people I might go have a beer with, no one I feel I can really confide in. All my close, good friends live elsewhere… Texas, Georgia, NYC, Virginia. I’ve even had a hard time keeping up with them. These last few months I’ve been quite the hermit. I don’t call people, I don’t even email. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all feel lost sometimes. I need to stop feeling like I have to have awesome news to call people. I feel like they don’t want to here me say the same old stuff. I’m sure they don’t care about that though. It’s the talking, the writing in and of itself that people want, right? Not necessarily the info. Wow… sorry to unload so much!

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  11. Aimee, yeah, I’d love to have that information. Email me? Can ya? michele at this domain dot com.

    Camille, never apologize for unloading on here. Wanna meet for some tea? We can chat and whine together.

    Wow, rereading this post hours later, and I sound like a whiney fool. Sorry, guys.

    The good news is, I just got my 100 dollars worth of smelly candles I ordered in the mail! Tonight, it’s low-key livin’!

    I’m going to do Soduko by candlelight.

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  12. we love you michele, don’t you ever forget it! : )

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  13. we always use the chinatown buses going down to DC. it isn’t all that bad considering it’s only $30 RT for each person and they have buses leaving every hour every day.

    Reply

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