E(ek)

Last night, Soung, David, Jim and I headed out to the 9:30 Club to see Beep Beep, TV on the Radio and The Faint. As we arrive, Beep Beep is playing. I can hear them from the door. We show the door guys our I.D.s, our tickets, and let them search through whatever bags we might be carrying. I am in a separate line from the three of them. And my line happens to be slower. Once they get through, they wait for me on the other side, just inside the swinging doors leading to the main floor area.

Jim is a nice looking gent. Jim is 34. He’s tall and pretty fit. He has a shaved head (due to male pattern baldness. I think.) Actually, he looks almost exactly like David. (You can find a picture of David here.)

Nutshell: Jim is alright.

So there they wait. And I finally get through the line. As I’m nearing them, I see a barely dressed woman with HUGE boobs stuffed into what looks to be a spandex running bra like two loaves of under-cooked white bread. But it’s not a running bra. And I’m willing to bet that under certain black lights you can see the faint “fuck-me” pattern embroidered onto it (pardon my language).

She has on a scandulously short jean mini-skirt. It’s entirely too tight for her butt cheeks. Her legs are busting out from below it like a can of Pilsbury dough that explode as you peel back the thin piece of cardboard. The cans I am so very terrified of opening. Her hair is blond. She is COVERED in make-up. It’s as if someone took a garden hose filled with the colors of Loreal and sprayed her face with it. She’s probably about 22 or 23. She approaches Jim, who is standing near the wall. She puts her hands on his chest and begins to rub his man boobs. She says, “I see you standing here. You’re just standing here. Why are you all alone? Standing here? Are you lonely?” Her hands move to his back. (Later, he will tell us, “I thought to myself, ‘maybe I know this girl? Do I know this girl?’ “).

She continues to rub. She sees me and suddenly says, “Oh, nevermind, oops. Oops.” I look at David and Soung who are steps ahead of Jim. Judging by their faces, they too are wondering what in the hell is going on. I move to them, fearing I may have interrupted something. Pilsbury continues to whisper in his ear and touch his chest.

I guess Jim finally realizes that he has no idea who this girl is and continues on with us up the stairs.

A bit later, after having made an earplug run, I meet back up with them by the upstairs bar. As I’m nearing Soung, I see she is engaged in conversation. I walk up and she introduces me to Nose Ring. Nose Ring takes my hand in the most disturbing, limp-wristed way. Soung turns back to David and leaves me with Nose Ring. Nose Ring is about 22 as well. She works with David but he barely knows her. (The word ‘crazy’ came out of his mouth later.) She begins saying stuff to me in a most husky voice. Her tongue sexually molests every word exiting her lips. These are the only words I remember:

  • Faint
  • Hot
  • Sexy
  • Miami
  • Friend
  • Absolutely
  • Like
  • Hot

I nod a lot. She grows bored with me and meets back up with her friend, Pilsbury. Pilsbury has her arms around two men at the bar. Pilsbury and Nose Ring know one another, go figure. Pilsbury is ready to dry hump the barstool. Nose Ring sidles up beside her. And then, just like one of those scenes in a movie where the person looks around and suddenly puts everything together (The Faint, Horny 22 year old girls, Random groping, Half-naked, Slobbery voices, Weird hand gestures, The Faint, dry humping barstool). It occurs to me. These two young ladies are on the GenEx (is that what they’re called? I’m not even sure.) drug of choice, E. Later, Jim, comes to the same conclusion entirely on his own.

Not one of us had ever done E. Does E really make people randy? Does it do this? If so, why? How? We spent the next 15 minutes trying to figure out what our generations equivalent was. Was there a now 30+ year old equivalent drug to E? I do wonder.

Abstinence, George? You’re crazy.

11 Comments

  1. Ah! Magical DC Memories!

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  2. Speaking of which, what are you doing tomorrow night? Wanna get dinner? My last night, sir pap. I could come to the studio and we could even eat there. As a family, like the good old days.

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  3. Equivalent drug for the 30+ set…Boone’s Farm Apple Wine? (just kidding) And yes that lil pill does weird things to people…but it does not help with “stamina” (sorry to be graphic). I seriously wish I got off my ass to go see that show last night…I now live two BLOCKS from 930 and have yet to see a show since moving over there…uugh!

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  4. If not Boone’s Farm, then definitely MadDog.

    I don’t know anything about E, but this younger generation of whipper-snappers seems to have lots of consumer/consumable items all their own. Do you know about Nelly’s applebottom clothing line?
    http://www.applebottoms.com/
    I just found out and am totally mesmerized.

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  5. I had NO idea Nelly had a clothing line! I will check it out. When did E become popular? I’m curious how many E babies and abortions there are these days (and the days making up the past 5 years.) I think pot was the drug of choice for us. Tho, Jim seemed to think LSD. Neither, would i say, is an aphrodisiaco. But I know nothing.

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  6. Bsmith, shame on you for not going. We were in the adult swim area. You know where that is?

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  7. Hmmm…upstairs either at the bar and the risers??? It is hilarious watching the crowds at that place (I love it!!!)

    With the exception of the last Wilco show I cannot remember the last time I was actually on the lower floor for a show…we are getting old. Soon we will be only going to the shows that clearly state “no tables or seating”…that will be the sign that my life is over.

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  8. The newest Tv on the Radio album is great…I must catch them the next time. I am seriously going through 930 withdrawl…soon as the Red Sox are eliminated I will reengage and get my ass over there.

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  9. They are playing again at the end of the month. With the Pixies. Say goodbye to the small venues, they’re taking off! Good for them. They were incredible, actually.

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  10. Cool…I did not know that and I have a backstage pass!

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