Blogging. Blogs. Weblogs. Blahgs. Much of this area on the internet reminds me of the cafeteria in elementary school only it’s worse because judgment as to who can sit where without being called a “stinkin bitch!” or a “filthy loser!” isn’t passed on one’s hot pair of (imitation) Jellies from Hills, it’s not passed on the Star Wars trapper keeper or the number of friendship pins one has on their shoe. Nope. Judgment comes down by way of a few not so honest words, uttered by a couple of BloGods who are temporarily rendered kind and link a few measly mortals who instantly develop God complexes.

And me? I find it wholly entertaining, I do.

Yesterday, between a few bar graphs, pie charts, and data points, I found myself craving distraction. I found myself on a blog housing the most amazing Jerry Springer-like cat fight. And I quite honestly could not take my eyes off it. It all started with one girl accusing another girl of (and I quote) “diluting her online personality.” She said something about being the first girl and that no other girl, or girl2 could exist. Thing is, said online name (or word) being fought over is a word taken from the Webster dictionary. Can one own words? If so, I call the word “moron” and while you’re at it, throw in “YAYA!” as well. These two went back and forth, fighting. Two grown women fighting about losing their online personalities.

Now, that’s what I call high-quality internet.

One ran off to her blog and wrote:

I hate women. Women are stupid and petty and never seem to grow out of junior high gossip mode. No wonder I’m not a lesbian.

(Sugarlips, lesbians have other lesbians to play with, they need not this).

I thought about commenting. I wanted to suggest a mud-wrestling event, fight it out. Someone suggested the two girls fight it out by showing us (the judges) their tits. Someone called them “Idiots” and “children” someone else said something about “getting a life.”

(I’m reading this. I thought to myself. Perhaps I need one as well).

While the internet is strewn with amazing bits of information and packets of knowledge, it is also filled with human excrement, name-calling, unworthy ownerships, and petty fights. People make cheap shots, they hit below the belt, they waste precious time on things so very small in the grand scheme of things. When I asked Toby to (quickly) talk me out of posting something (not so nice) on this person’s website, he told me it’d be pointless. And I knew it’d be dumb and pointless.

So I said nothing. I just could not stop watching. The flow of poorly constructed sentences and catty name-calling (which, by the way, if you’re going to get your bitch on and slap someone, make sure at the very least you spell everything correctly) was ten times better than Style Network’s reruns of Melrose Place.

And, yesterday as I sat there from the quiet table in the corner of the internet cafe watching the popular girls pull hair and slam lesbians, I cued up a soundtrack in my head:

Oooooma gooma! Oooooma goooma! One of us! One of us!


  1. Yes, it is like high school. I want to assume that the blog you were reading yesterday is actually written by someone under the age of 21. If so, can you blame them? hee hee.

    I once wrote an essay about 90210 on my site. I was then accused by some popular website (which I wasn’t familiar with at the time) of “stealing” their ideas and using the nicknames they “made up.” I mean really. It’s got to get exhausting, going through all these websites to see if you are getting the credit you “deserve” for making the same observation that 100 other people have already made.


  2. (by the way, by “you” I certainly don’t mean YOU) :D


  3. Is this like a game of Mad Libs? hee.

    Working with women is pretty much the reason why I quit my job “effective immediately.” When you get too many women in one area, they become manipulative and crazy. Even on the internet.


  4. one of the women __2 is 24 or 25. The other is 30-32.

    Not under 21. nope.


  5. I really want to know the URL of this blog. Email it to me. I love a good stoopid catfight.


  6. yeah that’s dumb. i wish i would be accused of theft, of course i would need to post to do that, but anyway, maybe i’ll make a point of it.

    oh and there is a DJ in NYC now called mihow. for some reason that feels appropriate to mention.


  7. Nope. I don’t feel the need or desire to spread it. It’s not hard to find, however, so just do a little shopping. :]

    And besides, _ took the comment section down so there is no record of most of the trash.


  8. We’ve got it pretty good here at Mihow’s, I think. And then we go to Freakgirl’s, and she’s a fantastic host, too. (Megan, have you figured out the comments thingy on your site yet? You’re a good host, too, only we can’t tell you!)

    But I’m ready to start a fight.

    Mihow, I think Freakgirl has dibs on “YAYA!”, no?

    Freakgirl, Mihow’s diluting your Freakiness.

    Go get ‘em. Have at it. Pull hair.


  9. Chandler you are a thief.

    You stole my heart.


  10. I do believe I coined the term “yaya!”

    But I’m a lover, not a fighter.


  11. Who coined the term, “Woop!?” I believe the “The Yaya Sisterhood” movie coined “Yaya”, no? hee.

    I did kinda figure it out, Girl27, but don’t expect anything fancy, now. ‘Cause it’s not. At all.


  12. I believe Mihow did coin the term YAYA. Although one could argue that Rebecca Wells is the one who started it.

    But Mihow is who made it cool, yo. I speak the truth.

    Stupid Question: If you don’t want to spread or publicize this website you’re talking about, why did you do a whole post on it? Just wondering. Although I guess if the comments are down, it’s no fun anymore. :)


  13. For the record, I think Mihow is the originator of WOOP. Although I picked it up from Uncle Bob’s website before I saw Mihow’s use of it.

    I am the originator of ASS YOU, although once again, Mihow was the one who saw the brilliance of the term.

    This is exactly what the Television Without Pity forums are like. People are really afraid of saying something witty and then not giving credit to the person who “created” the humor. It’s SICK!


  14. “If you don’t want to spread or publicize this website you’re talking about, why did you do a whole post on it? Just wondering.”

    If i DID want to publicize this website, I would have linked to it.

    This post isn’t about that particular website or that situation really, it’s about how the internet annoys me. It’s a reason as to why I don’t post on bboards, it’s a reason why I like to remain off certain forums and blogs for the most part.

    I don’t wish to be the linker of either one of those websites. It reflects me poorly.


  15. if i say “someone i know had an abortion and is really sad about it” it HARDLY fucking translates into “guess who had an abortion? guess! i wanna tell you!”

    i’m getting so touchy lately with passive-aggressive stuff, cynicism, bitter 30 year-olds turned agists (“fuck the young! they’re dumb!”)… not that all of that was present in certain posts above…

    anyway, somebody talk about some of the positive things they see, for christ’s sake. bitch bitch bitch, nag nag nag, diss diss diss, whine whine whine.

    to quote the ever-brilliant Greg Graffin of Bad Religion, I often think to myself that certain folks prove themselves to be “pathetic examples of earth’s organic heritage” and “just a sample of carbon-based wastage”

    two things with which i will leave you (and again, not all of this is coming from some of the above comments, more triggered by them, among other things) are:

    1. contrary to your own delusions, taking the negative approach to everything does NOT make you look/seem more intelligent. take off the turtleneck, fuckwad.

    2. the second you think to yourself “I know what’s really going on here” or “I know why he/she/they really did that” you’re fooling yourself into thinking you’re enlightened when all you are is insecure and hyper-defensive.

    Back to that Bad Religion now…


  16. And with that, I think I will take my leave for the day.


  17. Sweet cow.

    I wrote this as a silly, light-hearted way of poking fun out of how something entirely goofy seen on the internet can suddenly become so serious through some warped insecurity machine. I wrote this to point out how personalities can get in the way of an intended meaning, or the “real” point. I wrote this to quote a strange, ancient movie called “Freaks” I wrote this because I didn’t have anything else to say.

    And now it has morphed into exactly what it is I was poking fun at: word origins, name-calling, peculiar assumptions based entirely on personal, tangential evidence.

    Please. Stop. I added the “smiley face after my post earlier saying I wasn’t going to give the link out to let everyone know, I just didn’t want to spread so much crap around. And that’s it. There was no hidden meaning, I am/was not being rude. I just didn’t want to link to it. If I had, I would have done so on the post. However, I could not help but worry that someone would think I was in search of traffic and cheap, stupid banter.

    I am no gossip queen. You will never see my tits, I will never tell some fucked up story about how my boyfriend beats me, my parents call me names or that I’m really into asian chicks.

    I’m pretty god damn boring, actually.


  18. yeah, like i said (without great eloquence, i might add), i wasn’t trying to tear a new asshole into anyone particular for anything said today – i was compelled to tear a new asshole into a couple of trends i see all too often (not just here, in fact, less here than anywhere). i’m just sick as fuck of all the sad snotty, cynical, defensive, negative shit people bring into so many conversations (online and off).

    often enough, if you point to a cute kitten, the person to whom you’re pointing it out won’t say “how cute! isn’t life great!”

    instead they’ll say “it’s probably got rabies.” or “i can’t stand kittens. they’re too young and enthusiastic and it makes my asshole tighten to see that much energy put into having fun and exploring the world. have that cat call me when it’s 20 years old and riddled with cancer.”

    again, using michele’s site for my own ends…

    in the Genealogy of Morals, when Nietzsche is discussing the ascetic ideal, he says that humans would rather have a “will to nothingness” (subordination of life to nothingness) than “not have a will”

    he, of course, is talking about religion when he says “nothingness” and, given the world in which we was living, it was an understandable point.

    from where I sit, it seems that, with the offspring of the boomers, it’s become a Will to Nihilism itself.

    in other words, not a subordination of life to nothingness, but a subordination of living to seeking nothingness – a fearful fit where affirmation or positive approaches are concerned, because, i suppose, it’s safer to be pessimistic and cynical?

    bah. not the place and time.

    pardon me for my rambling.


  19. Bring me a donut and I’ll forgive you.


  20. damn it toby, i was just about to say you stole your post from Nietzsche!

    i agree, the kitten is cute.


  21. the post where i called you a thief?


  22. No, in that one you ripped off gay.


  23. i just came back from getting my hair cut, and i could spill my brain out and share how i read, searched for links that seemed implied but didn’t find (fuck the stupid site, that’s not important. but the kitten? can i see?), and read much much faster than normal.

    It’s weird to read about Nietzsche while your hair smells strongly of pineapple pomade.

    girl27, i couldn’t agree with you more when you said there is a good thing here. i don’t read blogs in general, rather, i’m interested in things mihow has to say. and yesterday i couldn’t form words for how great i thought her writing was, and it was another time you said it perfectly. :)

    side-rant: #1 reason for loving the internet this week – inspriration on how to fix the antiquated, roundabout, JobSecurity JavaScript that the freaks who worked here years ago used to make shit that is now broken on macs. yay! WOOP © mihow



  24. You ever wish you hadn’t done something and you find yourself longing to go back in time, undo it, and hold no record of it? I do that sometimes, when I stay out too late.

    Today, my hand hovers over the “delete button” and I wish I could and would have just left up yesterday.


  25. yesterday was beautiful, and i believe that anyone who really read it can still conjur up the grains of earth blowing from one state to the next, toby with his toothpick, and michele dancing an uninhibited tango, celebrating infinite space, time, and the happiness created between them.

    there’s my picture of yesterday. i can see it again.
    you’re good at writing and stuff =)

    toby, does this clever tool of yours allow for delete and repost from an archived page?


  26. Toby’s rants got me thinking.

    A little while ago I shocked myself with how cranky I was getting. I remember one incident in particular last summer. I was driving with my wife and kids from Tampa to Ft. Myers when a couple of young guys came flying by in a Jeep Wrangler … top down, sunglasses on, sleeveless shirts fluttering in the air. They were flirting with 2 girls who were also on the highway, driving along in their little Honda.

    Anyway, my first impulse was to grumble and gripe to my wife about the “dumbasses” when something hit me … I suddenly saw the guys as my sons 15 years from now, having fun, chasing girls, doing “dumb” stuff. But let’s face it … it’s not THAT dumb (it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt!). I mean, being young and dumb and impetuous is liberating in a way. I suddenly felt really good watching the guys act like teenage guys. I eased up on the gas, gave them some room, and just watched. Eventually they drove off, but they reminded me of the exuberance and arrogance and sense of indestructability that I enjoyed when I was 20.

    Cynicism is easy … we put ourselves at the center of our universe with it. But lately I’m enjoying irony more. It takes a little more energy but is entirely worth it. That’s kind of how I see mihow’s blog and why I enjoy it so much more than Fox television (which is not to say that self-serving cynicism comes only from the political right … )


  27. It’s set up day by day. So i would have to delete this post, and add that one, twice.

    No big deal. I still got to put myself at a table with the other Freaks while singing “Oooooma Goooma!” etc.


  28. are you referring to that old b&w movie by any chance?


  29. GotJesus, you so eloquently put things, makes me smile.

    I too have been trying to ease up on the cynicism. Life is too good. The clay feels too nice, the pain I get from working out is a pleasure. Joy is easy, really.

    As Missy once said to me, “I changed my mind at one point, I decided my favorite color was yellow.”


  30. Eeees ok, Mihow. No delete.

    Although I am disappointed that we’re never going to get to see your tits…


  31. ha ha ha!

    My goodness, you’re the poo.


  32. Actually, I think nowadays it’s orange, but the point is the same. It’s not so hard to be happy & positive, once you realize your own cynical tendencies. I still scold myself on nearly a daily basis for my (thankfully, not so extreme) bitchy moments.

    Hey, Chicago opens tonight at the National Theatre. Tickets are expensive, but I’m thinking about going tomorrow night anyway. Maybe. I’ve got an early morning on Thursday…


  33. I’m totally interested. I can go tomorrow, however the next few days (Thursday, etc) are out of the picture, sadly. :[

    Is there anything next week? I would love to go.


  34. “It’s not so hard to be happy & positive, once you realize your own cynical tendencies.”

    Oddly, if you substitute “cynical tendencies” for a more general “neuroses” you just summed up the main tenet of psychoanalysis.

    And I couldn’t agree more with you… It’s the difference in saying “I know what’s really going on with the world” and saying “I know what’s really going on with me”



  35. TJ: Exaaaaactly.

    Mihow: Yes, I can wait til next week for Chicago, assuming tickets don’t sell out. I doubt they will. (Also, as an aside: web-based email in our workplace is now blocked. So I can be reached only through work email & phone.)


  36. Damn government.

    Hey, just buy tickets. We’ll go no matter what.

    Wanna do it that way? I can go any day cept Friday, really but prefer Mondays or Wednesdays. (Or weekend, obviously).


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