Holy bat with insecurities, crapman! Some times I just feel only drastically smaller and more pathetic than I do at other times. I’m in bed Saturday night, it’s very late, and all I can think about is everything I have done and said wrong over the past day and a half. And of these things that were perhaps not “wrong” were they taken to be a different way? Were they misinterpreted? Do I need to apologize. Do I need to set things straight? And if I set things straight and they’re not bent will only then people start to wonder and think of me as rude? (I should learn to be quieter and listen more). And I want to wake up Toby and tell him I’m sorry and not to give up on me I want to call my family and let them know I don’t care that much about two-or-more car-owned households. I laid awake for hours, hating the heat because it wasn’t something I could blame myself for. And even when I finally fell asleep, it was unsettled and restless. And you just have to wonder if it’s chemical. Or hormonal. Or I’m just plain crazy—hopped up on caffeine.
Sunday, I switched my brain over to something more tangible. If I can’t settle it down on my own, I’ll put it to work, right? So now I’m addicted to Halo. Sunday night, late, I’m zooming in with my sniper rifle ready to kill aliens on a circular planet.
Is there a doctor in the house? In the House of Pancakes? :] (mmmmmmmm pancakes….)