More bites

I have 12 bug bites. I have a problem with even numbers. I spent the better half of the morning looking for mosquitoes, begging them to bite me because 13 bug bites is much more relaxing than 12. I received all 12 while sleeping. Last night one of them planted their pointy ass on my bottom lip now it looks like I was smacked. I was smacked, by a bug no bigger than 8 pt type. Toby? He doesn’t have any bug bites. I want to know what it is about my blood, my skin, that they find so penetrable. Do I exude a certain smell? Is there something in my blood which makes them feel all funny inside? Am I their massive, fleshbag, drug dealer? Go away you damn little vicious bastards. I can only itch so many places at once. Seriously. Someone make it stop. I’m gross.

32 Comments

  1. Mosquitos love me as well. It’s so gross, because when I get bitten, the bites swell up and I look like a leper. When I visit Key West, I sleep on the couch in the living room, right next to the french doors that lead out to the pool. My sister never closes her doors all the way because of the heat. I have woken up looking like I broke out in chicken pox. I’ve taken to sleeping covered with insect repellent, which is even worse.

    I guess my point is…I relate. Redheaded girls seem to be very attractive to bloodsucking insects.

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  2. I wish I knew if there were some sort of food I could eat that they would hate. Like something really pungent and gross, cuz I might just do it.

    This is goofy. I am a lumpy friggin mess and itchy too. It’s most unattractive.

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  3. I don’t get bitten as much when I’m drunk, if that helps.

    I’ve also found that burning incense tends to keep them away.

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  4. question: do you have a lot of dental work? fillings, crowns, etc?

    and personally i’m always very concerned about making things end up in groups of 5s. i don’t know why…

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  5. I have never (knock on wood) had a cavity. (I’m not sure I even know how to spell it).

    Here’s to genetics and well water.

    Why? You have my curiosity piqued.

    I have a sickness with numbers. I am trying to work on it but sometimes it gets to me. I have 18 sicknesses I’m trying to get rid of one or create another.

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  6. OH!

    I do wear a retainer at night (sometimes). If I don’t wake up with it in my hair or on my cheek it’s in my mouth. Does that count?

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  7. no, i was more interested in real down in it dental work…

    basically i was with some friends one day and two of them were being bitten horribly and another one and i were fine. the two who were getting bit a lot both had a bunch of dental work done in the past and the other friend and myself had never had any cavities, etc…

    so much for that idea. maybe you just breed backwards mosquitoes in “the city”…

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  8. i also find it REALLY funny that you measure the size of bugs in points…

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  9. Ok. So I still thing you’re on to something here with the bug and teeth thing. Is there something in a filling that perhaps I picked up in well water or some shit?

    how’s that for tearing something out of my ass?

    (was that out loud?) No really, there MUST be something in my blood. So I don’t think you’re wrong. And honestly this sounds (though vaguely) familiar.

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  10. no, i actually heard that it’s true-

    2 out 3 mosquitos prefer crest to the other leading brands.

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  11. actually, that wasn’t that funny. :]

    No, I am actually the son of two dentists, and mosquitos bite the hell out of me.

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  12. Actually, I did laugh.

    TWO dentists?! That is damn cute.

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  13. Haha. hmm, never thought of it as cute.

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  14. 2 Dentists has huge advantages. Did they give you anaesthetic injections in your mouth to keep you quiet as a kid?

    I did not get any mosquito bites.
    I had fish for breakfast.
    Those two facts might well be unrelated.

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  15. well i did get nitris oxide for quiet time.

    i always liked quiet time.

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  16. I like the dentist. Since (for reasons having nothing to do with my being a crazy health freak) I never had problems with my teeth outside of braces, and a retainer. So the dentist was a jolly dude who seemed to always smell good, he gave me free stuff like stickers and new toothbrushes and (sometimes) candy (which never really made much sense). And so I sort of liked the dentist. Tell me, jazz, if it’s not too personal, did your parents meet via some sort of dentist thing?

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  17. Ahh, you are one of the minority of the population that actually likes dental visits. Dentists like having patients like you (even if no cavities means less business)

    No – that would be great if they had met at some sort of dental thing. It’s actually a bit of a unique story. When my
    her became a dentist, I don’t believe there were very many female dentists, if any. Women had the professional occupational aspirations of either becoming a teacher, nurse, secretary, or maybe a dental assistant at best.

    It was only after my
    her had died that she put herself through dental school. She graduated in 82, 83? (I forget) – and even then she was one of 4 women in a graduating class of around 1000.

    She was really something of a pioneer for that time period. Had to put up with quite a bit of attitude in the industry as well (The ‘Hi there little lady’ syndrome).

    Anyways, that’s a long answer to your short question – but they were never dentists at the same time.

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  18. That’s a very sweet and inspiring story. I can only begin to imagine the comments she received—mean, jealous people everywhere.

    I am truly sorry to hear about your
    her though.

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  19. thank you.

    She is someone that I have come to really respect and admire over the years, especially as I have gotten older with some real life experience under my belt, realizing what it took for her to do what she did. she is definitely my hero. :]

    i am not sure how she deals with mosquitos though..

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  20. I think I just have to deal with them. :/

    This guy here just walked over and asked me to finish something for him and said,

    Why are you covered in hives?”

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  21. Mihow, you should have said, “I’m not exactly sure WHAT they are,” and then rubbed your arm on his face.

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  22. He’s the not gay gay guy. He may have fainted.

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  23. here’s a trick we learned in kenya—get an air conditioner

    mosquitos wont go into rooms with cool hair

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  24. that should be cool air. not hair.

    if mosquitos didn’t go into rooms with cool hair, i never would have had a bite in my life

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  25. ha ha ha

    I would still be eaten. My hair has never been what I would call, “cool” (sadly).

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  26. That’s so funny. For a minute I thought, “Hey, I guess my hair isn’t as cool as I originally thought.”

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  27. sadly, i have an mpeg somewhere of nifkin’s cool hair..

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  28. hey now! let’s leave my mullet escapade out of this…

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  29. YAYA!!!!!

    GET YOUR GOOBER ON!

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  30. “business in the front…party in the back”

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  31. WHEN GOOBER ATTACKS!

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