I ran 11.6 miles last Friday. It was a slow run due to the usual bullshit. Bellyaches started up 15 minutes in. I brought an Imodium with me and took half at that time. It didn’t stave anything off initially. But I think it may have helped overall. I walked almost an entire mile to get to the bathroom at the marina. But after that I was able to run solidly until mile 7 when I had to stop and walk to find yet another bathroom. Whatever. It is what it is. I’m getting used to this and even though it greatly messes with my overall run and therefore time, I deal with it. I have no choice.
But the real problem took place after I finished. I got a very painful, dull ache in my lower hide, almost like a contraction, radiating throughout my lower abdomen. I wish I could explain this sensation. I have no clue what it is. It’s happened before. It happened after I finished Disney’s Wine and Dine half marathon in 2012. I was in the fetal position in the middle of Epcot Center’s World Showcase. While many were celebrating their feat, drinking and eating plates full of fantastic food, I was on the ground in the fetal position, unable to move. (Granted, I wasn’t the only one sickened after that race. I haven’t ever seen so many people throw up after a race. It was almost comical.) Anyway, the pain goes away within an hour. But it is such an uncomfortable feeling. And I do wonder what causes it.
Friday’s run was also wonderful at times. I have to remember all the good stuff that takes place during each long run. Unfortunately, the gut issues are what I most discuss after I run. And that sucks. Because I can honestly say that there were many moments during my run where I felt absolutely amazing. I got the biggest runner’s high at mile 6. I felt completely euphoric. “THIS is why I run.” I had thought. “Remember this feeling.”
And you see, that’s the thing: I love running. I truly love it. It’s something I hope to do for the remainder of my life. I am left sometimes wondering what it is I’m doing right now, training for a marathon. And I’m starting to wonder if it’s a smart move. I very much would like to finish a marathon one day and the NYC marathon would be an amazing first one. But am I potentially ruining what it is I so dearly love by taking on so much so quickly? Why can’t I simply run every single day, enjoy it, and not try and do something so huge so soon after having a baby? I risk injury, burning out; hell, I got stung by a bee last night and nearly crashed from a panic attack wondering if I might be allergic. (I’m not. And I felt perfectly horrible for the bee who surely died after I pulled its butt and stinger from my skin.)
I don’t want to run a marathon because it’s on some bucket list. I simply love running. I want to run forever. The training for 26.2 miles is far more important to me than the actual event. I just love running.
So, what am I doing? That’s been my big question as of late.
I don’t know. But I do know that when I was pregnant and couldn’t run, I felt horrible. I envied runners. I sunk into depression. I missed it so much. I don’t want to burn myself out trying to train for a marathon. So, I’m going to keep going. But these thoughts started to trickle in. I don’t want to ruin doing what I love by doing what I love too much so quickly.
Anyway, I am rambling. I am going to continue training. I am to run 14 miles on Saturday, which I am looking forward to. This week, I will take half an Imodium the night before. I will carry the other half with me and hope for the best.
Left the house at 9:37 AM. Temperature: 70s, overcast, then sunny and HOT.
Pre-run fuel: coffee with cream, yogurt with granola and strawberries, water.
Route: Forked River Run. Around lakes to marina, back to Rail Trail. Ran Rail Trail into Waretown, hit 6 miles out and headed back again.
Time and distance: Average 11:53 minute miles, a very, very slow one thanks to the usual bullshit. Total of 11.60 miles. Supposed to do 12.
Post-run recovery meal: Banana, homemade zucchini bread.
Personal Stuff: Gut issues. Still nursing. Hate the heat. But got high and I missed that euphoric feeling.
Pros: I love running in Forked River.
Cons: The usual. Belly issues. Plus, very hot and sunny for the last half of my run.
Upward and onward!