Mihow

A Small Confession

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by

Mihow
in

As I was sitting around last night craving comfort food and feeling a little sorry for myself, two words suddenly came to mind: I’m lonely. And then saying them out loud later to my husband gave me a bit of relief.

I’m lonely.

When it comes to friendship, I tend to put most of my energy into only a few relationships at a time and I have done that here as well. This time, I distributed most of it between my husband and my friend, S. (My son is a given, so I’ll leave him out of this.) S. is still in the hospital. And I’m not able to visit her just yet because I’m not family. And that makes perfect sense. But the other night I had a dream about her. It was the most mundane dream. We were talking—simply talking; sitting on a bench letting our kids play. Talking. Which is precisely how we actually spent most of our time. And the dream made me realize that I’m lonely. And that I miss my friend.

And that it feels a little less lonely admitting as much.

Comments

17 responses to “A Small Confession”

  1. Kizz Avatar
    Kizz

    So maybe now you work out a way to branch out and when S is a bit better you’ll have someone good to introduce her to.

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  2. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Kizz: I’m in a coffee shop. Making me cry in public? UNFORGIVABLE. :]

    I think you’re right about branching out, but that will take some major personality remodeling. Not even sure where to begin…

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  3. Elle Avatar
    Elle

    I know it is hard when a close friend is so sick and you can’t reach her. I know you don’t want to hear this but I lost a very close friend very suddenly (she was only 18) in 1994 and there is probably not a day that I don’t think of her, what her kids would’ve looked like, etc. and I often wish and could talk to her. Now I treasure the few close friends that I do have. Hang in there. Don’t worry about crying. I’ve done it loads of time. When it gets warmer again and you can go with E to the park you’ll meet more moms again and hopefully S will be able to join you soon too. Wishing her a speedy recovery. You need her back. :)

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  4. Mere Avatar
    Mere

    I am the same way – I have a very small group of friends that I spend my time with. And when they are involved in relationships or are otherwise occupied you realize no one else wants to hear the mundane parts of your day. The obvious fix is to make more friends. But if you are anything like me, it cannot be any friend, it has to be the right friend. Maybe reach backwards if there are people you liked but could not invest the time to cultivate? You DO need support with a sick friend. And at some point you will want another ear to listen.

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  5. Leball Avatar
    Leball

    I am lonely one my son goes to bed before I do. When my son is away with his dad and I have finished all my chores and errands. When I want to cry and I feel stupid, because I am just crying because I miss my girlfriends too. Being lonely sucks.

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  6. Roo8382 Avatar
    Roo8382

    I’m lonely as well, mihow! I moved away from my friends and haven’t had any success making new ones where we live now. My husband knows I’m lonely, but it’s super-hard for me to branch out. I’m friendly and outgoing in social situations, but I’m super reserved about my real feelings.

    I’m glad you wrote about your loneliness. You aren’t the only one. My prayers and thoughts are with your friend for a speedy recovery. And with you, to find some comfort.

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  7. Taking Inspirations from Others « Utter Shit

    […] _uacct = "UA-2521863-1"; urchinTracker(); Taking Inspirations from Others January 27, 2010, 9:20 am Filed under: Uncategorized I just read this. […]

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  8. JessicaP Avatar
    JessicaP

    You’ve made me cry here… because I’m lonely too. The people that I’ve lost and the friends I have selfishly thrown away haunt my dreams, and every day I wake up and I wonder how I’m going to work up the courage to reconnect, to go out in the world and find new friendships. It’s scary and heartbreaking being stuck in a pattern where all you want is someone to talk to but you’re too closed off to do anything about it.

    I’m sorry your friend is in the hospital and you can’t be with her right now. Maybe you should write her a long letter that she can read someday when she’s doing better?

    Don’t worry, Mihow, everything turns out all right in the end.

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  9. Alice Avatar
    Alice

    Giving Murray a big hug would help. everything. And he will smile too.

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  10. bambooska Avatar
    bambooska

    I tend to think of myself as lonely sometimes, and that’s okay because even though I feel that way, there’s nothing stopping me to find ways of feeling better, engage in some different activity and find new friendships. It may look hard at first, but I’ve noticed you’re super fun and charismatic. You’ve got it in you, mihow, and you’re very easy to like. :-) Also, I think Internet can provide us some good friends, and who says they should remain just “virtual”? Drag them to your reality, lots of people feel this way, Internet is not a parallel world. It’s only a way to communicate with others. It’s one thing I love about it, personally. ;-)

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  11. Taratory Avatar
    Taratory

    I get lonely too. I had several very close friends move away last year and it was tough.

    Your friend is in my thoughts.

    And if you ever wanted to grab a coffee, feel free to e-mail me.

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  12. jonathan Avatar
    jonathan

    if you bake me cookies, i will be your friend.

    actually, i’ll be your friend regardless. but if you bake me cookies i’d let you talk to me and listen to you with intent ( or at least feign to do so ).

    cookies. that’s all it costs. think about it.

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  13. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Jonathan: Deal. Seriously. I love baking and Toby Joe won’t eat it. :]

    Taratory: I will take you up on that, darlin’

    Thanks, everyone for listening to me whine so much!

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  14. Jonathan Avatar
    Jonathan

    ok. fyi- i dislike bananas, but i do like plantains. i’m not quite sure plantains belong in baked goods though.

    i can also teach you espresso making tips on either of my machines.

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  15. chele Avatar
    chele

    When my ex and I broke up he took a lot of the friends with him. I realized that my world had gotten very small.

    So I decided to go to the “Friend Store” AKA the internet and joined some groups. Some were real life (in the same city) and some were virtual.
    It took a while, but eventually I had a new circle of friends. I met my 3 best friends and the love of my life at the Friend Store. I met you, one of my favorite people in virtual life, at the Friend Store!

    I’m sending lots of virtual hugs to you today, my friend. xoxox

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  16. WarsawMommy Avatar
    WarsawMommy

    Aw, I get it. I have a very small group of friends in Poland – made smaller by the language barrier – and I can truly say that when E. is out of commission, I am desperately lonely. I have other people here, but most of my good friends are back in Canada. Phone calls and e-mail are just no comparison to a good chat over coffee.

    Oh, dear. Now I’m lonely too. Good thing E. is coming over later for coffee.

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  17. midwesthive Avatar
    midwesthive

    Gosh, I’m glad I’m not the only one who has struggeled with this – making friends in adulthood. Both my husband and I are lonely, moved from home, isolated. We even made friends and then they evaporated when we had children, they were past that stage.

    My new years goal is to be more friendly to people, more compassionate, so that I can connect with them, even if they’re serving me tacos.

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