Tuesdays With Murray (Chapter 95)

Murray is perfect. I don’t want this post to give you the wrong impression. But even perfect beings fart. And lately, our perfect being has been farting a lot.

This is entirely Toby Joe’s fault. He decided to pick up a few new varieties of Weruva. Usually, Murray and Tucker eat Paw Lickin’ Chicken, Grandma’s Chicken SoupMediterranean Harvest, and Polynesian BBQ. But this time, Toby Joe came home with On The Cat Wok.

While I can’t back up the following highly scientific information, I don’t think wild house-cats were meant to hunt and eat cows. So I have always operated under the assumption that beef isn’t a part of their diet. Fish? Sure. (Although a vet recently told us that cats aren’t supposed to eat fish either.) Chicken? While it’d be a cold day in hell before one of my cats take down a chicken, it’s not completely out of this world for a cat to take down a chicken. Pig? Not likely. (Dear Weruva, if you do come up with a pork variety, I might suggest the name “Swine Chew”.) And bovine? Cow? While hilarious to imagine—no way.

Weruva’s On The Cat Wok contains a little shredded beef.

This isn’t the first time this has happened either. No. A few years ago, whenever Murray was a wee one, Toby Joe decided to bring home a couple of cans of Merrick’s Cowboy Cookout. 

Hoooo boy! They should have just called it Blazing Saddles.

Our small creature, who did not yet weigh a single pound, was able to clear out an entire room. No joke. His farts were so bad they actually oiled the air. 

So beef? No.

But I tried again, thinking maybe Murray outgrew all the gas and the farting. I was wrong. Last night, as I scooped him up just like I do every night to give him belly and face kisses, he farted. Only this wasn’t just an olfactory sensation. I tasted it. 

And, Internet? It nearly killed me. 

But he’s still perfect. They all are. They just shouldn’t eat beef.

And while we’re on the subject, fellow humans, turkeys should not be stuffed with ducks stuffed with chickens.


  1. I’m telling you, try giving him some good, plain, all-natural yogurt. The stuff we get from our farmers’ market did wonders for Kirby’s digestion :)


  2. He won’t eat it. That’s the ONLY thing he won’t eat. But he tries to bury it. Weird, no?


  3. You’re not amused by the Turducken? Well looking at the word right now I’m seeing a blaring TURD sticking out and I guess I wouldn’t want to eat that. The only reason I have avoided the crazy bird stuffed with bird stuffed with bird is because it’s frigging expensive!
    Oh, and pet gas is always heinous. Just be glad you don’t have a dog.


  4. Have you tried mixing it into his food? Kirby will eat it straight, but his foster mom had originally suggested mixing it into canned food.

    Poor you. Kitty farts are the worst.


  5. Omg! That is so funny. I wonder why they don’t make cat food in flavors like mouse, rat, shrew, and lizard? And moth. My cat Tucker eats moths and other flying insects that he catches.


  6. ha! Oh, Melissa. That’s such a great idea.

    Jen: I’ll give it a shot. Can’t hurt!

    Somer: Yeah. Never saw TURD before. But that seals the deal for me. Not gonna do it.


  7. Our little gray cat gets the runs whenever we feed him beef. We didn’t realize this until one day he didn’t quite make it to the litter box in time. Since then we’ve stayed away from things they wouldn’t kill in nature.


  8. IssyCat used to ONLY eat beef catfood.. He turned his nose up (and tried to bury!) everything else.

    WARNING: Yuckiness follows:

    Man.. somedays I swear you could SEE the green toxic waves coming out of that litter box. We had to just leave the house once!


  9. Turduckens Rule! So do deep Fried Turkeys. Come visit in Texas. We can clog your arteries in half the time!


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