French fries with ranch dressing. Why? Because I turned 35 today and french fries are good.
I’m not sure what 35 brings a person other than closer to 40. Lately, I have felt as though my life is flashing before my eyes in slow motion. I know, that sounds absurd—like I’m trying to write something deep and it comes off as sophomoric and trite. I’m sorry about that.
Let me at least try and explain.
The Flashing Part: It’s 20 years down the road and I’m looking back and wondering why I didn’t do this, try that, take risks, avoid cowardice.
The Slow Motion Part: I realize this is happening right now and I’m not doing anything change it.
It’s like someone took the next 20 or so years of my life, recorded them and then showed them to me all at once on slow motion, like a scene from a movie, where the sound and faces of its actors are distorted. It’s like that, only it covers a lot of time—precious time—and I’m watching it before it happens knowing it does.
Does that make any sense at all?
I don’t know. This post wasn’t meant to sound depressing, I am eating french fries after all and things are going quite well. It’s just that I’ve been doing so much thinking lately (mostly selfishly) and I just can’t figure out what to do now to make later seem fuller. And so this cripples me and I do nothing.
Maybe that’s what 35 does for a person: opens the door for a second and shows you your future midlife crisis.
Pause, just for a second. Please?
UPDATED TO ADD: OH MY GOD I AM SO ANNOYED WITH THIS POST.
It’s taking every bit of self control I have to not delete it. I am in a good mood today! What’s not to be in a good mood about? Where did this post come from? I have no idea.
I would delete it, but that would mean deleting some of the comments, which are really great. Sorry, folks.
Happy Birthday! Yummy looking fries.
Also, “And so this cripples me and I do nothing.” Yeah, me too.
Take a breath, sit back, and be thankful for french fries and family and all of the wonderful things around you. Think of all you’ve lived through – good and bad – in the recent past. You’re here, today, stronger and wiser and hopefully happier, and we love you. The future can wait until tomorrow.
Speaking from someone currently experiencing the midlife crisis, painful as it is, it is also kind of liberating and clarifying. Having kids, reflecting on your life, reaching a certain age…it helps to define what is important and how you want to live. Take a little step each day towards the life you want and you’ll make it there.
I never really planned for my future, but i got plenty of tools to help me deal with the future as it came along. At 35, i had regretfully abandoned a budding career in academia and was working in the business world as a secretary. Within the next two years, i got a job with my current employer, was kicked out by my alcoholic long-term boyfriend, bought my own house in the country…and so it goes. I bought that house to be a safe haven for my beloved cat. I didn’t mean this to be about me, but what i’ve found is that if i keep learning, keep enjoying each moment, keep open to friends and family, keep some time for myself, i feel happy and fulfilled. You’re a great mom to Emory, and i’m sure that’s what you will look back on later mostly with pleasure…all the growing that you and he did together.
I am not sure what it is, but having a child is making time go by so fast. Too fast. It’s also making me face my mortality and how short this really is.
Like I said, not meant to sound depressing, just thinking a lot. Sorry, guys!
happy birthday! theraputic french fries for everyone!
There is some inheritance left, but, not much as the casino at Atlantis hasn’t been good to me. However, Momhow had her best day ever last night and she is the one that counts as far as her kids go.
Hey, the more time you waste wondering where all this time has gone…is more time you waste. I know, easier said than done, but true nonetheless! Hope you enjoyed the fries, and that the coming year brings you blessing after blessing after blessing!
Happy Belated Birthday! Hope you come back soon and I’ll contiune to follow you and Toby on Twitter. But not in a stalk-y kind of way.
You have nothing to apologize for – your honesty is always refreshing and besides, I think a lot of people can relate! I’ve always wished my life had paused for a few extra years around 25 so I could get my shit together before I turned 30 (I’m solidly into my 30s now and definitely not where I expected to be at this age). Regardless, I hope that 35 is a great year for you, and happy birthday!
those fries look really good. where’d you get them?
Happy (belated) birthday, Mihow! And also sorry to hear that you are taking a break (I did not find your posts to be tedious, though) and hope you’re back soon!
New here.:) I’ve been feeling the exact same way as you-not sure what to do and feeling like I should be doing more. Is there any small thing that you always wanted to do but put off? Maybe now you can do it. :)