Tuesdays with Murray (Chapter 30)

Murray is fodder for hundreds of stories. But for whatever reason, the stories that make us laugh the most – the things that stop us dead in our tracks, uproot our days with comedic relief – have to do with food. To be honest, I’m not sure if these stories are even remotely funny when they stand alone. I think it’s whenever you put them together that they begin to individually stand out a bit more, warrant a chuckle or two.

And so today I have yet another story about Murray stealing food.

TobyJoe went away on business last week and since I am having some trouble holding it together these days, my mother came to the city to keep Emory and me company. She came bearing cookies and soup. She even watched Emory for a few hours so I could attend a yoga class. What more can a gal ask for?

On Wednesday night, we were sitting on the sofa talking and snacking when a loud THUMP! echoed throughout the kitchen.

“What was that?” I asked.

“I’m not sure.” She answered.

“Shit! Where’s the cat?”

The moment the word “cat” came out of my mouth, but before I could get up from the couch, Murray rounded the corner carrying the entire bag of cookies my mother so kindly baked and brought along with her. (The picture below was taken after the fact. He reenacted it for me today with a much lighter bag because he’s Murray; he’s predictable yet totally bonkers.)

We made eye-contact, the cat and I.

The bag of cookies was difficult for him to carry around in his mouth. They weren’t nearly as difficult to carry as the sack of diapers he decided to move from below Emory’s crib to under our bed a couple months back, but the bag was still unruly. In order for Murray to carry these heavy things, he walks with his two front legs really far apart so he won’t trip as the loot can swings freely from side-to-side. There is nothing funnier than watching a small cat walk like he has a giant load in his pants.

“MURRAY!” I yelled out from across the room. My angry voice was spiked with laughter and did nothing to convince the small creature to drop what he had stolen. Instead, he began to trot, his legs spread even further apart, and he ran directly under the sofa with the bag and (most) of the cookies in tact.

My mother and I laughed heartily. And methinks that Ziplock is missing one hell of a advertising campaign here.

(P.S. Murray is for hire.)


  1. He could be no cuter! Though I hope you managed to salvage a few cookie pieces!

    My cat insulted me the other day. I had no sooner given him morning kisses while he stood on the bathroom sink than he walked over to the oversized bottle of mouthwash, grabbed it with his teeth, and pulled it across the counter towards me. I wanted to laugh at the coincidence of it all…but instead I just took his advice and gargled.


  2. Murray is awesome. And so are you. I hope you’re having a great birthday, sweetie – we should get together again soon. xo


  3. Oh, holy crap, Milissa, that’s a really funny story. They are silly creatures.

    Jen, we went to Enids WITH THE BABY even though I am recently tainted by a thread over on Gothamist about having babies in bars. We were not loud or rude. I swear.


  4. he is the cutest. Once my mom made 2 sandwiches to take to work w/ her. When she went to get the saran wrapped things from the counter only one was gone. A cat had stolen the other one and was eating it behind the toilet in the guest bathroom. Cats can be sneaky fuzzies.


  5. He isn’t really a cat! I mean, all cats do crazy shit, but Murray takes the cookies.


  6. Your cat reminds me of my 28-pound beagle—only he’s a cat! Cats aren’t supposed to do that! Too funny.


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