Mihow

Landmines.

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by

Mihow
in

I’m embarrassed to admit that last night I mistook peeing for my water breaking. At around 11:00 PM I finished my raspberry leaf tea, peed, and then headed to the bedroom to lie down. About five minutes later, I had to pee again. I got up, peed, and then went back to bed. About 15 minutes later, I had to pee again. I peed, and then went back to bed. At around 11:30, something weird started to take place in my lower abdomen. It felt like the baby was using my cervix as a punching bag. Every time he punched it, a jolt of pain would shoot down my legs and then the Braxton Hicks would start up. And then I felt a bubbling sensation right where his head is.

And then suddenly I had to pee so badly; I thought it might come out all over our bed. I waddled to the bathroom.

Having peed not 15 minutes earlier, I was shocked at how much urine came out. I haven’t seen that much pee since I drank too much beer at the England vs. Germany game during the World Cup and held it until halftime. It just came pouring out. It was entirely clear and odorless.

To make a long story short, I called the doctor at 12:30 AM and asked her if my water broke. It did not. I was being overly cautious. (Not cautious enough to visit the hospital, however.)

I have to admit to something. Lately I feel like I’m walking around on an area known to be filled with landmines and that at any given moment one of the landmines will go off. KABOOM!!!!! Only I won’t die at the end of it. Instead I get a miniature poop machine that looks just like Tobyjoe. It’s both exciting and scary as hell.

Comments

20 responses to “Landmines.”

  1. autumn Avatar
    autumn

    just wait, soon you’ll have baby boy pee all over you :)

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  2. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    I have a vivid memory of my mother changing my brother’s diaper on the red carpeted floor in our home in Pennsylvania. She took it off, said, “Oh, he didn’t wet after all.” And right as she was saying that he peed all over her face.

    I think I’ve told her this story/memory before and I think she said I must have dreamed it. But I know what I saw. I saw pee all over her face. I’d say she blocked it out, not that I dreamed it. :]

    Yes, pee. Face. I’m certain it will happen more than once.

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  3. robhow Avatar
    robhow

    I was changing Shep once and saw a look in his eyes and just knew what was about to happen. Fortunatly, I got my hand up just in time and deflected back on to him.

    I’m going to bring that up when I meet his first real girlfriend some day.

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  4. bjgunner Avatar
    bjgunner

    I just had to comment on the google ads… pregnancy pains and mine clearing. Nice assortment there.

    And for the record, I do not remember peeing on momhow. I think you made that up.

    And is the new nickname too weird sounding?

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  5. Sandi Avatar
    Sandi

    I haven’t been peed on while changing a diaper yet, but my son has peed on himself a couple of time. It is quite comical to see it arc up and land on him. The first time it happened I was in shock and I started to laugh. It took my husband who was standing right beside me to block it and start wiping off his face. I’m much better at telling if about to pee when I’m changing his diaper.

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  6. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    bjgunner, it’s a little weird – your new name. But that kind of depends on what you’re trying to say. ;] I read “BJ” and, well, we all know what that’s short for. But I do realize that you’re about to move from Brooklyn (hence, bkgunner) to Beijing. It’s up to you. I mean, the worse that will happen is that a bunch of gay men might think you’re fast and furious when it comes to certain sexual, recreational activities.

    And you did pee on mom.

    Sandi, hilarious. You know damn well that’s going to take place in this household and the story is going to end up on the Internet.

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  7. Charlie Avatar
    Charlie

    We always kept a cloth diaper on hand at the changing table. As soon as a dirty diaper was off Henry or Owen, we plopped the cloth one over them to prevent such mishaps.

    Once, just before Henry was born, we babysat his cousin (only 6 weeks older), and we had to change him. Our first diaper changing event. He not only peed, he shit all over us. Mustardy, curdy, breast-fed baby poo. It was quite exciting.

    Henry had some health issues (severe jaundice, premature) when he was born, so we spent about a week in the hospital. Every time he needed a fresh diaper, we rang for the nurse. After changing Henry for the 15th time, she let us know that WE could do that.

    Huh??? We were mortified.

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  8. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Mustardy, curdy, breast-fed baby poo. It was quite exciting.

    Ah yes, I have heard/read a lot about the colors of poo.

    Jaundice appears to be pretty common. I have heard stories of such problems recently. Either way, I’m sorry you had to go through that. It must be really scary having to go through all that and then discover your little guy might be sick.

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  9. Charlie Avatar
    Charlie

    We had to go through it twice: once with Henry (they discharged a 4lb 10oz preemie after 48 hours, we had a nice ambulance ride back to the hospital when the home health care nurse noticed that his body temp had dropped to 93 degrees) and once with Owen (resident noticed dicoloration of his leg and suspected a blood clot due to his polycythemia, so he sent him on an ambulance across town to Children’s Hospital). The worst part about both cases was that we never really heard from the docs UNTIL my cousin (who was president of the american academy of pediatrics at the the time) called the hospital to find out what the hell was going on. Then the docs rushed to inform us of the situation and kept us updated regularly.

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  10. jenblossom Avatar
    jenblossom

    Don’t they make little pee pee teeepees now – shield things to help deflect any squirts?

    My little brother peed on our pediatrician. He’s going to love that I’m sharing that with the internets.

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  11. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Yes, they do. That reminds me, there are two things left that I need to pick up before the baby is born: a breast pump and some teepees for the peepee. And those nipple guard things. I have to remember what they’re called.

    I know I’ll forget something. It’s inevitable. But as soon as I start to panic I think, “How did we get this far without all these modern conveniences?” And then I relax a bit.

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  12. shelley Avatar
    shelley

    oh my! this is actually happening! : )
    I thought of something that I would have liked a heads up about.
    The shock only lasted for a second but his dilly wacker was odd shades of red, purple, and blue. not to mention the swelling made it take a different shape than I expected!

    make sure your epidural is ready for you if you want it. Once your dialated
    so far, they won’t give it too you. Trust me when I say that you have to stay on them and your measurements! They have a way of walking out of the room
    and coming back to say,”Opps, I’m sorry. It’s too late now.” By then your so pissed at the nurse that you can imagine you squeezing her head in a huge set of vice grips rather that squezzing something out of ell you know…

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  13. meshbetty Avatar
    meshbetty

    It is so funny that you made a post about thinking your water broke b/c you peed so much. That happened to me when I was pregnant with Aubrey. One morning late in my pregnancy I woke up to find that I had peed in the bed. I thought my water had broken because there wasn’t any smell at all. We went to the hospital and had a friend watch Isabel thinking that the baby was coming and such. On the drive there Mike and I realized how unprepared we really were…I didn’t have any thing packed nor did we have any names picked out. We got there and found out that I just peed and the baby really wasn’t coming after all. (quite embarrassing!)
    Although about two weeks after that my water did break for real and b/c I wasn’t sure it was really happening I check on line to find out exactly what I should look for to determine what it was. The site I found said that if you think your water was broken you should first put on a maxi pad then go
    lie down for about 30 minutes, assuming you are in a position to do so, like home. The amniotic fluid then pools inside you so than wen you do get up you will feel a flow of “water” that you will not be able to control. The site also said that it will be clear and smell slightly like ammonia. I followed those simple directions and discovered my water had indeed broken unfortunately I never ended up going into labor…..Aubrey was born the next day via c-section.
    Anyway, I hope this little bit helps!

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  14. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Meshbetty, I didn’t know you had a c-section! Wow.

    The other night Toby said, “Does it smell like bleach?”

    I said, “Umm, no?” thinking what a weird thing to ask me.

    Wonder if you guys found the same site. :]

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  15. pghgirl Avatar
    pghgirl

    My son peed while I was changing his diaper only 2 or 3 times and only in the first week or two. I was surprised each time & jumped & squealed so I think he got the hint early. Then for at least a week or maybe more he pooped everynight at 3am on the changing table…bf poop, like runny, natural peanut buttery poop. He pooped with enough velocity that I had to clean it off of the wall across from his butt until I learned to position a diaper or two in strategic places. My advice is to change him from the side, looking like the letter T and not from the bottom facing his butt.

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  16. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Awesome advice. I’d rather not have to clean poo off the walls at 3 AM. Hell, I don’t even want to clean poo off his butt at that hour, but I know I’ll have to!

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  17. rachel Avatar
    rachel

    poop explosions are par for the course and happen at those moments when you just need to laugh at yourself. We had it on us, walls, and cabinets in one shot. Those little sphincters are amazing. I would much rather clean up baby poop than the 2 year old taking a dump on the floor poop which at that point really is human and there is no fooling yourself.

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  18. sam Avatar
    sam

    i know you will have the little man while i am away, but congratulations in advance ;) i hope is is as healthy and happy as can be.

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  19. Meshbetty Avatar
    Meshbetty

    Mihow,
    this was the site I found when I was wondering if my water broke. It is very direct and simple to follow.
    :o)

    http://pregnancy.about.com/library/howto/htwater.htm

    Oh, and yeah, Aubrey was via c-section as I never went into labor. Isabel on the other hand was born at 42 weeks she was born via c-section as well only after 9 hours of being induced…then the Dr. realized why it took so long: she was 10lbs 1oz!!!!

    I am hoping for a very quick and easy labor for you!

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  20. Sandi Avatar
    Sandi

    I’ve not tried the pee pee teepees, but a friend has. She told me that they just fly off. I guess it depends your son has a strong the flow of pee.

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