I stupidly began reading about my birthing options yesterday evening. Gave myself nightmares, I did. My birthing classes don’t start for another month but I figured I’d read up on some stuff, get to know it a little more, figure out what, exactly, might happen to me on the day I go into labor. Is it too late to turn back?
I like the idea of a natural childbirth. I really do. I give a great big round of applause to all the ladies who have done such a thing. Giving birth to a baby in a great big tub of water using nothing more than a relaxing breathing technique and some yoga chants, well, that just sounds awesome. (And a little crazy.) But I’d be kidding myself if I tried to be one of those women. I’m entirely too terrified of the whole situation, which is why I’m going for the epidural.
So, last night I read up on it. I knew they inserted a needle into a woman’s back but I wasn’t aware of how big the thing was. And I wasn’t aware of the fact that they leave a tube inside of you much like what’s done with an IV. And had no idea they give you a catheter. It makes sense, given you’re basically numb from the waist down. And since I sneezed the other night and peed myself, it’s probably best the doctors regulate such a thing. Certainly, things will tear and bleed down there during delivery. I read somewhere that some women poop themselves, which sounds downright humiliating to me. Also humiliating is that if the epidural makes me numb from the waist down, I read that the doctors, nurses, and significant others will have to move my body for me. All of it makes sense when you actually think about it, but I never really thought about it until last night.
Sometimes, when I’m standing in the middle of Grand Central Station, I’ll think, “So much happens here. So many things come and go at once! How does this place function at all?” That’s how I picture my body during delivery – like Grand Central Station.
But I’m still too much of a pussy to go through this naturally.