Some Contemplate Suicide When They have a Migraine. Me? I Suffer With Style.

The other day while suffering through the final stages of the most traumatic 12-hour migraine, I flipped off a great movie to watch the Style Network. The show that was on at the time was called Style Original Special, Tom and Katie’s Wedding

I loathe Tom Cruise. I don’t dislike him in that I’m-secretly-obsessed-with-him kind of way. (Although, I am a little intrigued by his arrogance.) Overall, I can’t stand the guy. I cheer whenever the media blasts him. I cheer when he gets fired. He repulses me. And I care more for pieces of cardboard than I do for Katie Holmes. But for some reason in my painful, teary-eyed state, I wanted nothing more than to watch Style report from Italy on Tom and Katie’s wedding.

When Tobyjoe returned from the kitchen with his lunch he looked at me, and then at the TV, then back and me, and then to the remote control that sat snuggly between my hands. Some other girl had replaced me.

“Baby, did you just turn off the Nick Cave movie to hear about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes getting married?”

“Yes. I need nothing right now.”

“Hmmm. Nothing?”

“Yes. Pain. Head. This is perfect.”

“I understand wanting nothing. But, honey, we’re better than this. We’re above that. We don’t watch celebrity weddings on the Style Network. Are you running a fever?”


J Lo was invited. So was Will Smith, Giorgio Armani, and Brook Shields. It took place in a castle or something.

“Why would she go to his wedding after all that ‘postpartum depression is total crap’ crap?”

“I don’t know. But I fail to see how eating ham sandwiches at an after party is news.”

“I wonder if a bunch of people will run out and eat ham sandwiches now. Do obsessed people do that? Do they run out and consume the finger foods of the rich and famous?”

Like most TV shows about celebrities, I was left with the television equivalent of blue balls. But in all fairness, I’m not sure what I expected. Did I expect Style to have the insider look as to why Katie tucks her chin in as if she’s avoiding a perverted uncle when Tom tries to kiss her? Did I want them to point out that she looks like a victim of child molestation when she and Tom hold hands?

Yeah, I kind of wanted that.


  1. My drug of choice is TLC’s “A Wedding Story.”


  2. That’s a good one, eh? I haven’t ever watched it but I have seen it on our digital display.


  3. top gun, like trading places, is an awesome movie.

    that’s all i plan on doing here – leaving comments about what movies i like.


  4. tien, that works for me.


  5. “A Wedding Story” is saccharine pap in its finest form. Seriously. It’s like candy wrapped in donuts and topped with marshmallow fluff. And it makes me cry darn near every time. :)


  6. We all have our little guilty pleasures. I also enjoy celebrity shows.

    Instead of A Wedding Story, however, I quite enjoy What not to Wear. I just love Stacey.


  7. nervous and small December 12, 2006 at 3:20 pm

    Movies to see? : on DVD? Hard Candy
    In the Theater: BORAT [yes, disgusting but yes, truly fearlessly funny!]

    And I know you’re addictively glued to your RSS feed in the land of comments Mihow ;), so DON’T FORGET to see the spanking brand new Institute of Contempory Art when you’re in Boston this week!! The “media room” looks to be trippy as all get out, and it’s smack dab right on the water………… looks like everything Herzog and deMeuron were supPOSED to do w/ the Walker Art Center expansion project, but just fucked it up completely….which is just so sad because their Tate Modern building is just so perfect, and the simutaneously constructed deYoung in ‘Frisco is also getting RAVE reviews…..
    I need a “scout” to experience the ICA in realtime anthropologically. Apparent the Skyline views of Boston from the inside are spectacular…ready to do a leetle reconnaissance fer ol’ nerve?

    Happy Birfday Tobyjoe!!


  8. nervous and small December 12, 2006 at 3:20 pm

    wow weird…why does my last post look so “odd” in Safari?



  9. nervous and small December 12, 2006 at 3:20 pm

    LMAO…..Michele, since your now appropriating “blue balls” as feminine emotional context, does this leave us dudes emancipated/emasculated/or demasculated?

    now my genitals are simutaneously shrinking, swelling, pupling and unpurpling as they trying figger it all out without proper caffiene dosing at this time of the morning……

    BTW, is “blue balls” sympathetically contagious, or is the female tenant of your shared cohabitat the only one afflicted, while the male is blissfully unsymptomatic [yet surely sympathetic] your loyak fan base needs to KNOW, and tomKat never returns my calls……[yipppeeee!!]


  10. I fixed it, nervous. NOt sure why that happens sometimes. :/

    Thanks for the heads up for boston! I hope to have time to explore that city. Finally.

    Regarding the blue ball comment? I guess I wanted more dirt. Even if they were caught on film having sex, that would have worked for me. Or if Tom admitted to having a gay lover way back when. Who knows. All I know is that show sucked and I wanted more crap.


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