The other day while suffering through the final stages of the most traumatic 12-hour migraine, I flipped off a great movie to watch the Style Network. The show that was on at the time was called Style Original Special, Tom and Katie’s Wedding
I loathe Tom Cruise. I don’t dislike him in that I’m-secretly-obsessed-with-him kind of way. (Although, I am a little intrigued by his arrogance.) Overall, I can’t stand the guy. I cheer whenever the media blasts him. I cheer when he gets fired. He repulses me. And I care more for pieces of cardboard than I do for Katie Holmes. But for some reason in my painful, teary-eyed state, I wanted nothing more than to watch Style report from Italy on Tom and Katie’s wedding.
When Tobyjoe returned from the kitchen with his lunch he looked at me, and then at the TV, then back and me, and then to the remote control that sat snuggly between my hands. Some other girl had replaced me.
“Baby, did you just turn off the Nick Cave movie to hear about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes getting married?”
“Yes. I need nothing right now.”
“Yes. Pain. Head. This is perfect.”
“I understand wanting nothing. But, honey, we’re better than this. We’re above that. We don’t watch celebrity weddings on the Style Network. Are you running a fever?”
J Lo was invited. So was Will Smith, Giorgio Armani, and Brook Shields. It took place in a castle or something.
“Why would she go to his wedding after all that ‘postpartum depression is total crap’ crap?”
“I don’t know. But I fail to see how eating ham sandwiches at an after party is news.”
“I wonder if a bunch of people will run out and eat ham sandwiches now. Do obsessed people do that? Do they run out and consume the finger foods of the rich and famous?”
Like most TV shows about celebrities, I was left with the television equivalent of blue balls. But in all fairness, I’m not sure what I expected. Did I expect Style to have the insider look as to why Katie tucks her chin in as if she’s avoiding a perverted uncle when Tom tries to kiss her? Did I want them to point out that she looks like a victim of child molestation when she and Tom hold hands?
Yeah, I kind of wanted that.