Last night, while Tobyjoe was at work getting ready to head out with friends, I stepped out to move the car. Our car’s sunroof leaks and it was raining hard. I usually move it under the BQE. Right before I decided to do that, however, I also decided to put on some tea water, which I promptly forgot about.

I grabbed my car keys and ran downstairs. What I didn’t realize was that I hadn’t grabbed my house keys. And the only reason I didn’t totally lose it was because I totally didn’t remember that I put water on the stove at all.

There I was, standing in the pouring rain, wearing Birkenstocks, pajamas and a sweatshirt. I had my umbrella, my car keys, and thankfully my cell phone. But that was all.

“Toby, I did something stupid. I locked myself out of the house.”

“Haha, OK, well, I’m coming home. I’ll call Keith and let him know.”

“I’m so sorry. I’ll pick you up at Graham since I have to sit in the car anyway.”

“OK.”

And I wait. By the time he surfaces, the rain has stopped. We drive home, park, and head upstairs.

I’m deaf, which is exactly why I didn’t hear the whistle from the second floor landing.

“Did you have water on?”

“No. I didn’t. OH Expletive! Yes! Oh [Expletive]. I am the worst!”

The house didn’t burn down but the cats were pretty freaked out.

“Baby, you have to be more careful when you leave the house.”

“Tell me about it. I’m not sure where my head has been lately.”

The teakettle had been totally full so it wasn’t that bad. There was still some water in it, boiling away. And it’s a good thing I was in my pajamas at the time because for a minute I almost suggested that I take him out for dinner because I made him come home to rescue me. Then something terrifying occurred to me.

“What if someone living alone has a heart attack right after putting water on the stove? What then?”

“Well, then they die and the house eventually burns down.”

“When I am old and if I live alone, I’m no longer drinking tea.”