Let Me Introduce You to My Little Face Pets.

When I was 18, I discovered that my eyebrows were unruly. Not only were they really hairy, but also they liked to migrate. You might be asking yourselves, “What did Michele do about it? What did she do about her eyebrows?” I did what any normal girl would do with unruly eyebrows. I started to comb them with a toothbrush.

Here’s the deal, back then I flat-out refused to buy a 10 dollar eyebrow brush. I was that cheap. Instead, I decided to employ an old toothbrush.

Yeah, I know, it’s really freaking gross. I did not primp the toothbrush before taking its picture. And I keep this one (I have two) in my gym bag. My eyebrows aren’t made up of long, red hairs. That’s my hair hair. It got mixed up and whatnot.

I have used a toothbrush to maintain my furry eyebrows for over a decade now. I’m so cheap; I have used an old toothbrush to comb my eyebrows instead of buying a 10-dollar eyebrow comb. But here’s the irony. When I’m at the gym and it’s time to pull it out to beat them into shape, I do so on the down low. Sometimes, I hide in the corner or bend down and let my hair cover the event. The damn toothbrush embarrasses me. I imagine being approached by naked ladies armed with sentences like, “Hey, what are you doing with that toothbrush?” So I hide from the naked people.

The question still remains, why not spend 10 bucks on an eyebrow comb and proudly comb my face pets? What’s wrong with me?

24 Comments

  1. You’re chock full of weirdness.

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  2. hey, if it works… but i’m pretty cheap myself.

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  3. What does that say about you, young man?

    what does that say about you?

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  4. why don’t you proudly comb them with your toothbrush so all the naked people can see? maybe it’ll turn out that the people that blew $10 on a “eyebrow comb” are the ones that feel silly…

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  5. Um, I believe the word you are looking for is eccentric.

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  6. aimee, you are a freaking genius. But, in all honesty, New Yorkers and especially the majority of the ladies who frequent the gym at grand central station, like to spend their money on the most unnecessary shit. It’s true. And eyebrow comb to them is nothing. Now, they do sometimes (sometimes) bat at eye at a 400 dollar hair cut or a 800 dollar hand purse.

    You know, next week on mihow.com I might try and breakdown the clientele of the numerous NYSCs out there. The Grand Central Station gym has the fanciests (and someteimes meanest) ladies I have ever seen at any of their gyms. Oh, one time two women got into a cat fight while naked. This might sound erotic. It was not erotic at all. It was like watching two pieces of white unbaked loaves of bread knead one another. Truth.

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  7. Oops. Fanciest. Not Fanciests.

    I am not fancy.

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  8. “It was like watching two pieces of white unbaked loaves of bread knead one another.”

    damn, that’s funny.

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  9. cat fight? over what? a hand purse?

    (what is a hand purse?)

    I use a toothbrush instead of an eyebrow brush too. Eyebrow brushes always fall apart, even the schmancy ones. However, I do replace it more than once a decade. By the toothpastes with the free toothbrush and you’re golden.

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  10. The last week when i worked at the place I like to call “hell”, they got in a few cases of Christian Dior brushes. I think it was something like 1 gross each of 10 different brushes. (it was a 10 bursh set)

    Now, this is neat for 2 things.

    1 – it came straight from china so I got to see all the customs forms. the wholesale cost to my old company (who was making packages for Dior) was from .30 to $1.09 per brush. Go to sephora, same brushes are like $15 each.

    2 – this is even better. Customs makes them list whats on it. Lots of different animal hair is used to make those brushes. The most popular, it seemed, was squirrel.

    I shit you not—women are spending $15 to brush their eyebrows with squirrel hair.

    Its Dior squirrel hair, lovingly assembled in China by malnouished workers, but squirrel hair nonetheless.

    So your refusal to not spend $10, IMHO, is fully warranted.

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  11. wait! Nico, I have replaced them. It might not look like I have, but I have. That one is dark in nature because, at times, I use it to smooth out my eyelash mascara. Which reminds me of the times i have accidently used the toothbrush for the lashes and then smoothed out the brows and then left black streaks on my forehead. And since i don’t do it proudly while in public, I didn’t catch it until AFTER I left the gym and got back to work.

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  12. Jon, thanks for that. I like squirrels, poor fellers. Squirrels poop, too. They’re brushing their eyes with squirrel poop and fur.

    Also, if ANYONE ever LIKE EVER EVER clicked on links out there in the blogospere, you’d have noticed the brushes you speak of are sold for 10 bucks at Sephora, not fifteen.

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  13. squirrel fur makes fluffy brushes. pig bristles (or more likely plastic) make eyebrow brushes.

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  14. Wait, jon got a fact wrong? ;]

    I kid because I love.

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  15. you know what works for the eyebrows too? chapstick! or a not so gooey lip balm, instead of eyebrow gel..it keeps them in place after the toothbrushclick me

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  16. you’re freaking kidding me, andi. That’s brilliant. I am so going to add that to my gym routine. Chapstick is cheap, right?

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  17. 99 cents maybe? just dont get a tinted one…and dont put it on right from the tube,dab your finger on it. or else it looks like you have oily brows….

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  18. See, I haven’t ever seen your name before and you swoop in and blow my mind.

    I’m sure the freak out the naked people smearing myself with chapstick and then using a toothbrush to smooth it all out.

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  19. I guess I hadn’t been around. now, waxing and tweezing helps immensly, but it also hurts. a lot. seeing as how my mom used to tell me to comb my eyebrows every morning before schooll, I’ve been traumatized into the occasional tweezing+chapstick/toothbrush combo. a friend does the tweezing, I never get it right, and usually cry after a few plucks….

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  20. I really need to get my head around the whole waxing thing. I have no idea where to begin and then where I should stop. I am afraid to go have it done because I’m afraid I’ll end up with no eyebrow and instead a thin line that looks like a single file line of fleas.

    I need to find a plucker/waxer whom I trust.

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  21. I have a platinum Fendi eyebrow comb. It was $780cdn. But so worth it, you know?

    :)

    I kid. My greatest facial extravagance is Clinique’s moisturizer, and every once in a while, they give you a bunch of free stuff when you buy something. Last time? Pretty blush, a couple brushes, and… an eyebrow comb! Yay!

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  22. When you go to the gym, find a couple girls that you think have great eyebrows, and ask if they do it themselves. If the answer is no, ask them where they get them done. Voila! Insta-recommendation. I had a drag queen stop me in a bar once, to ask me if I did my own!

    For the next few months after a wax, you can just follow the shape that the wax lady gives you. Easy peasy.

    My name is girl27, and I have my father’s eyebrows.

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  23. “However, I do replace it more than once a decade.”

    This sounded catty, speaking of catfights. I was just a lazy reader and squished together “over a decade” and “old toothbrush.” sorry!

    And lip balm does make an excellent eyebrow groomer.

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