Where I Merely Combine Two NYT Front Page Stories In Order to Save The World.

Mike Rounds signed a bill today intended to ban most abortions unless it’s necessary to save a woman’s life.

The quote below explains what Rep. Bill Napoli feels warrants a “life-saving” abortion.

“BILL NAPOLI: A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life.”

We’re in good hands, ladies. Basically, if you live in South Dakota and you aren’t impregnanted during a prison-rape or you’re not the Virgin Mary, you’re having that baby.

Not to worry!

Our Supreme Court Upholds Campus Military Recruitment even though a lot of people in the academic community don’t like it. How dare the government woo impressionable young men and women into fighting their wars.

I have the answer: Make the women of South Dakota (Mississippi soon to follow) give birth even if they don’t wish to. Then, immediately take those babies to a military day care and let ‘em grow up a bit. Once they are old enough, we can send all those unwanted babies off to war! This way, we’re prolonging the abortion by at least 16 years. Although, I say we send ‘em in earlier; if they’re old enough to walk, they’re old enough to bear arms.

Edited to Add: This post is obviously a joke. I was put off by what Napoli said. That’s all.

4 Comments

  1. The flaw in your plan is that we’re still responsible for making sure that religious virgins are only mildly sodomized, so we don’t lose the little soldiers they would have otherwise raised.

    In all seriousness, Napoli sees that scenario as a threat to a woman’s life because of what threat? We can only assume suicide. If being a suicide risk qualifies you, I’d guess that nearly all cases of unwanted pregnancy could, in their own way, qualify.

    His sympathy for brutally sodomized religious virgins MAY be the achille’s heal of this bill. He should be tougher on the ladies.

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  2. I’ve been thinking about getting people together to set up a bounty for a natural abortion alternative.

    I’m sure there has to be some mixture of common supermarket ingrediants that, when taken, will induce a miscarriage with little or no sideeffects to the woman, and can be obtained by any girl, regardless of age, without parental consent or anyone knowing about it.

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  3. BTW, the law schools were fucking idiots for taking that case to SCOTUS. I would have expected some liberal arts college to try that – but a law school should really know better. They had no validity in their claims.

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  4. I don’t know what to say about this new turn of events. Maybe I’ll just weep.

    Reply

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