Last night Tobyjoe and I went to a Krav Maga class in Manhattan. I left work fifteen minutes beforehand, not the wisest idea. Taking a cab across town at rush hour is one of the most stressful commuting situations ever. When I arrived, I was already out of breath. I was also late.

Normally, being a little late wouldn’t matter. But I cut corners, corners I shouldn’t have cut. For example, I stupidly guessed that since we were taking an introduction to krav maga. It wouldn’t be too stressful. I wouldn’t have to move too much. So I didn’t change into a sports bra. When class began and we were asked to follow a very strict, and very fast warm-up routine, I was miserable and so were my boobs. It was unbelievably frustrating having them pop out all over the place. I hate boobs.

We worked out for about 20 minutes, doing 20 counts of each exercise. Jumping jacks. Sit-ups. Push-ups. Crunches. Ab-work. Run in place keeping your knees at a 90-degree angle. Run in place while kicking your own ass with them. Do it all over again. I’m not going to lie, it was rough. Sweat was pouring from everyone in the room.

After the warm-up, the first timers were brought to the front of the class where Rhon Mizrachi (whose name is actually listed over at wikipedia) gave us a brief history of krav maga and told us what his intentions were as a teacher. Then, he started to show us some basic movements. We started with legs and then worked onto the arms, exhaling with every action, inhaling with every retraction. It was incredible. It was one of the best workouts I have ever had.

The last exercise and the most active, was one where we were taught how to fight our way out of a tight strangulation. No matter how strong someone is, no matter how tight a grip the perpetrator may have on you, this maneuver is designed to release you no matter how strong you are. It has to be done immediately. Now, pair the maneuver with a firm kick to the groin, you’re not only set free, but they’re down for a few as well.

We were paired up. I took Toby immediately. First, it was my turn to do the strangulation and his turn to get out of it. On the very first try, what does he go and do? He knees me square in the crotch. SMASH!

I almost hit the floor. Had I had balls, I’d have been down for at least an hour.

Later, when Rhon told us all to buy cups, a small African American woman said, “What about the girls?