Directly following a good workout, I become temporarily stupid. I’m not sure why this is, but my head gets all fuzzy, my heart races, and I just do a bunch of stupid. I’m unable to think. I’m barely able to move. It’s as if my body has gone through so much, it shuts my mind off entirely. Maybe it’s workout shock.
Last night, I was at the gym. I ran for 32 minutes and the headed down to accept my reward shower in the ladies locker room. I love showering there. I think my fondness for it dates back to my YMCA camp days. I genuinely enjoy it. I like my bag of toiletries; the smell of their shampoo, the way the water feels when it washes away my sweat. I love it and I realize how weird that is but I don’t care. There are many days I will not shower in the morning and instead save it for the gym. That way, I’m almost forced to go. I either have to visit the gym or remain stinky and stinky sucks.
Last night, my heart rate reached 180. And I reached level stupid. I was beet red by the time headed back to the showers. I was dizzy. My head was in a blissful fog. Ignorance really is bliss.
I took my clothes off as soon as I got to my locker. I stuffed everything into the locker and placed my running shoes below the bench. I grabbed two towels. The NYSC towels are forces never to be reckoned with. I’m not even sure one could get away with calling them towels, actually. They’re more like large washrags. I’m pretty sure to have one NYSC towel wrap around any body you’d have to weigh in at around 75 pounds and have the physique of a prepubescent boy. My tits do not like hiding behind a NYSC towel. They flat out refuse to be covered. But I did what I could. Then, I decided to use the toilet.
Now, at no point during the decision process did this seem weird. I took the towel off, hung it on the metal hook and prepared to pee. Nothing seemed odd about this not up until the moment I sat down, naked, and began to pee. It was at that moment I began to have this silent conversation with myself.
Have you ever done this before? Have you ever peed while naked?
I think I’ve done it at home. Surely, I have done this at home.
Did it feel weird then?
I don’t recall it ever feeling weird, no.
Why do you feel weird now? Your bare feet are touching the floor. Is that it?
Yeah, that’s a little gross. I have to admit.
Why did you decide to go to the bathroom naked and barefoot in a locker room full of people? You’re disgusting. You should have bought flip-flops.
Conscious of the fact that my naked feet were showing beneath the stall, I lifted them up to avoid judgment. I’m naked, on the toilet with my feet in the air. There should be a yoga move named after this because my abs were killing me. Then, I really couldn’t pee. This was backfiring horribly.
I heard someone at the door. Since my feet weren’t available as stall markers, no one knew I was in there.
I’m in here.
Oh! Sorry. I didn’t see you.
I put my feet back down again. Once I finally finished peeing, I got up and wrestled, yet again, with the towel. I waited until the coast was clear and, even though you’re not supposed to run through the ladies locker room, I took off towards the shower section. I took off to the area where one is supposed to be stark naked.