The Male Psyche and Its Depths.

I just witnessed the most interesting exchange between two, twenty-something boys. I’ll begin by saying that by watching this interaction something suddenly occurred to me. Here’s my story.

Boy A. picks his nose while getting ready to cross at an intersection. Boy B. watches him pick his nose at the intersection. Boy A. picks and picks and picks. Boy B. watches Boy A. pick and pick and pick. They’re talking about stuff about things. The words maneuver their way through Boy A.’s fingers as his index finger works overtime. Finally, Boy A. retrieves whatever foreign object happen to be nestled so far up his nose. Boy B. asks him about it. Boy A., proud of the fact that he has just caught the largest fish the ocean had to offer that day, proudly displays it to Boy B., bragging about its girth, about its size, about his prize.

His face fills with joy. “SEE!” He holds it there on top of his finger. “See what I got? It’s HUGE.”

Boy B. begins to reenact Boy A.’s fruitful search. Boy A. and B. laugh loudly. Boy A., apparently already over the catch, flicks his newly attained prize to the ground.

I watch this interaction from the open window of my 1975 Volvo Sedan.

I suddenly decide that I must tell Toby. I need to tell him something about us. Sure, he may take it as an insult but I don’t mean it as such. I mean it as a compliment. I will tell him this as well.

“Hey Beaner. It’s me. I have to tell you something. I really mean this, too. If I hadn’t met you – you know, the last decent man on Earth – I am pretty positive I would be with a woman right now.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. For sure. I just watched the most disgusting interaction between two boys from the window of my car. Hate to break it to you, but your sex is kinda screwed up. I love you, however. I’m happy I found you.”

I tell Toby about The Young Man and the See! I tell him about his catch. Toby Joe laughs.

“Yeah. We’re pretty gross alright. However, if you DO decide you want to go ‘that way’ again. I’m happy to find a lady and bring her home for a night or two.”

And just like that, I am reminded of the fact that I did marry a man. But at least he doesn’t pick his tiny nose in public.


  1. If he scored a prize gem in the booger nugget excavation, of course he should show it off.


  2. And then spit on the sidewalk and call it a damn fine day.


  3. You don’t lie. I’m about to lose my mind working with these 6 guys with whom I share a bathroom and kitchen. There are so many things I threatened to put a “how not to be completely and utterly foul” section in our Wiki. gotta get into their programmer brains somehow.

    i will not go into detail. yes, this is where I have my “i wish i were a lesbian” moments.


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