Top 10 Reasons My Top Ten List Will be Better Than Letterman’s Last Night

  • 10). My sidekick has a leg lamp tattoo. And hair.
  • 9). It won’t include items that make you nervously wonder, “Am i supposed to be laughing at this? or is it bordering on racist?”
  • 8). You can take all the time you want reading each one.
  • 7). Because when I said, “That wasn’t at all funny.” Toby Joe said, “Why don’t YOU try and do better.” And I said, “OK. FINE. I WILL.”
  • 6). Two Words: BROOKLYN REPREZENT.
  • 5). I’m on the first day of my period. So if folks know what’s good for them, they’ll agree. Mine IS better.
  • 4). It’s 8:19 AM and I have 10 minutes to write this list before I have to leave and make a lot less money than a team of writers working for The Late Show with David Letterman
  • 3). I can CBS when it’s obvious.
  • 2). Ass. Boobs. Ashton Kutcher. Britney Spears’ vagina wedding. Bush. Evil. Poop. Penis. Teenage girls. Viagara free tampon insert.

And the number one reason why my Top 10 list will be better than Letterman’s last night:

  • 1). This one goes to 11.

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11 Comments

  1. I don’t get #3 at all.

    Reply

  2. I don’t get item 2 at all either, if you know what I mean… Ok, I occasionally get evil…

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  3. I can CBS? I can C—BS?
    I really suck at this.

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  4. Number two? Well, judging by my search strings, all ya gotta write on the Internet are some of those words and the kids fucking love it up.
    You can say it, I failed. GO AHEAD AND SAY IT. I CAN HANDLE IT TOBY JOE. SAY IT!

    Reply

  5. I TOTALLY got CBS – geez Toby Joe!!!!!!!

    Reply

  6. I understood item 2. I was just sayin… I was just being retarded.

    Reply

  7. Apparently, my top ten lists are as hot and popular as the T-Shirts I create.

    Reply

  8. You! So you are why I started today, several days early! I bite my thumb at your pelvic area.

    Reply

  9. 5 scares me – does that mean, uh, we could come to NY later…

    Reply

  10. I like #3 – they should use that as a tagline.

    Reply

  11. baby head baby head baby head

    Reply

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