Today, I have an appointment with my gastroenterologist. I didn’t really think much of it at first. I figured I’d go in, tell him a few things about my eating habits, my heartburn, and the side affects I have had from drugs like Prevacid and Nexium. But then Toby Joe told me that the doctor might like to stick a finger or two up my ass.
Woah. Woah. Wait. I didn’t sign up for that.
Well, he’s a gastroenterologist. That’s what he does. He’ll feel around and find out if things are OK.
But I thought that happened during the butt searching camera event. And I thought you were asleep. Why does he need to stick a finger up there today?
It’s not like it’s painful. He lubes. He’ll tell you to lie on your side and breath…
Stop. I don’t want the doctor to stick his finger up my ass. I didn’t agree to that when I made the appointment.
Well, I’m not sure what you thought you signed up for, but that’s what happens.
Apparently, at 1:45 PM, I set some time aside for someone (other than my husband) to stick a finger or two up my ass.
Back up… (ha!) I deal with a lot of crap (ha! ha!) at work. Some people think dealing with 350 meg files in Photoshop is quick and easy and can be pushed out (ha!) in less than 10 minutes. Some folks think that laying out a 32 page book in Quark can be done in a day’s time. Others think coming up with 10 to 13 logo designs will run them about 300 dollars. I deal with it. I’m loose (ha!) I roll with the punches. But I can’t imagine, even with all the medical school preparation money can buy, spending my day inserting my latex-covered index finger into a countless number of human rectums.
I haven’t even been there yet and already he’s my hero.
::bends over for the career master::
(ha!)
Edited to add: In honor of today’s post and all the butt talk, here is a free song. Bonnie Prince Billy, Rich Wife Full of Happiness. (My goodness, he’s wonderful, dirty and amazing.) A great song. Download it today!
Mihow 
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