Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Spend 200 Dollars. Go Directly to Home.

Last night, after dinner at the falafel joint on Bedford Avenue, a drink with Gerry (on a patio), a brief affair with Tasti D-Lite, Toby Joe and I headed home to flip through our 1000+ channels. Time Warner has been good to us. We should probably learn how to spend more time with him instead of dropping 50+ dollars a night eating out. I’m not sure what’s up, but lately I can’t seem to return home right after work. I blame the heat. Not that it makes much sense to want to be outside, away from the comforts of your one, window-unit air-condition, instead of huddled next to it like a couple of bums in winter do a flaming trash can. But I just can’t seem to do it.

Right now, it’s not even 8 AM and I’m thinking to myself, “Man, I can’t wait until work is over and I can come home and watch movies and pet my cats. I can’t wait to do that.” But watch! My tune will change. By 1 PM, I will have had a bland, dieter’s lunch. At around 2 PM the food will have worn off. I’ll become aware, again, of my torso. By 4 PM I’ll become consumed by hunger and cravings more powerful than a beer-drinker’s fart. At 5 PM, I’ll begin writing random iChats to Toby, things like “Food is good, I like food.” or “I’m so hungry, I could eat my fist.” He never really knows what to say. But we ALL know how I get when I am hungry. By the time I’m off work, I want to eat immediately. No, I can’t wait until we go home. No, I don’t want something quick because most “quick” things are unhealthy and while a bean burrito from Taco Bell is something I usually want to have oral sex with, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Not yet.

So we go out. And we eat at sit-down places. And New York City and her sister, Brooklyn, aren’t cheap dates. As a matter of fact, they will rip you off most of the time. But they’re good company so you do what you can.

But I need to go home from now on. I need to stop spending so much of our money. We’d have a down-payment on a house or a new car if we could just cut down on all the eating out.

(Damn you, New York. Damn you.)

18 Comments

  1. Whaddya say tomorrow we don’t go home right away after work? (Seriously, I’ve been working so much that I have to stop. Although I’ll probably have my laptop with me.)

    Reply

  2. Oh, believe me, I’m sure you won’t have to twist my arm too hard.

    Reply

  3. Come to the boat and we’ll catch and eat fish.

    Reply

  4. hmm, i guess i should rescind my offer for tonight.
    or at least know that i’ll understand if you opt for pottery over peltry. (note: using the word peltry is a bit of a stretch but i really wanted to make it sound good)

    Reply

  5. No way, Anna. We’re going.

    Reply

  6. yay!
    reverse psychology wins again! :)

    Reply

  7. You guys can come visit me. I’ll feed you and liquor you up for free.

    Reply

  8. i’m sick. but no biggie.

    Reply

  9. Let’s reschedule. The Beaner is sick.

    Reply

  10. are you really sick?

    I had a killer headache yesterday, and passed out on the couch at 9:00pm Woke up this morning at 10:00am with a sore throat.

    Reply

  11. well, when you guys buy a car, you can drive to pittsburgh and i’ll feed you and get you drunk for a whopping 50-60 bucks for 4 people! ; ) anytime!

    Reply

  12. Greg, that’s why we want a car. We want to be able to drive places and visit all our friends in far away places. So we’ll totally hold you to that offer. :]

    Reply

  13. then you can see my minis, it’ll be a little brother big brother reunion of sorts

    Reply

  14. then again, getting me to drive to that crumby town is pretty hard……and i know for a fact that it’s hard for people in that crumby town to drive all the way to my shitty town…….even when they already have a car and are unemployeed(eh wizard!)

    Reply

  15. Hey, does that mean you’ll drive all the way to Cobble Hill?

    Reply

  16. *pulls knife from chest

    Reply

  17. so are we on/off for dinner?

    Reply

  18. It still boggles my mind when I think of how much money I spent on a constant basis when I lived in Manhattan. Had to be close to $150k? In two years.

    Reply

Leave a Reply