Get Out of Fat Free Card

This Sunday will mark the one month anniversary of our diet. My End goal was to lose 20/25 pounds. While I am not sure when that End will come, I am slowly moving towards it. It’s been hard, I won’t deny, but it’s been entirely worth it, too.

I took so many things for granted before I started eating right. Potato chips could be consumed as a daily snack. Ice cream was something I ate once a week. French fries were something to be eaten first, then, one was to finish the burger or sub or whatever lamprey might find itself next to God. Whole wheat bread could be eaten in excess because it’s good for you. (Most of the wheat bread one might find in the grocery store is filled with sugar.) Eating, and then not eating, certain foods became an obsession of mine.

Now, I look at the back of every box. I compare options. Some foods might have more fat and less sugar. Some foods might have more sodium. Some foods might hold more carbs, but have more fiber, too. Toby and I choose wisely these days. It’s frustrating, and we’re not fun to grocery shop with (or near, for that matter) but that’s life.

I also make it a habit of writing things down. I will try and keep track of everything I eat during any given day. Sometimes, I put it into my little orange notebook. Other times, I take mental notes, figuring out what I can eat more of that day, and what I need to stay away from.

My reason for beginning this post, however, was to make a list of the top ten things I wish were engineered to be equally as fucking tasty but were, somehow, by the grace of God made calorie free.

Without further ado, I give you my list.

  • French Fries. (All kinds except sweet potato. I don’t like those.)
  • Breyers Mint Chocolate Chip Iced Cream
  • Deep Fried Cheese (if they’re poppers, that works, too)
  • Cheesecake
  • Carvel Ice Cream Cakes
  • Grilled Cheese with Facon on Buttery as shit Wonder Bread
  • Pizza
  • Macaroni and Cheese (preferably from Dumont)
  • An Everything Bagel toasted with Cream Cheese

And the top thing I wish I could eat every day and never gain a pound:

  • McDonald’s Egg and Cheese Biscuits (Holy shitballs their biscuits are good. I have no idea how they do it.)

Now, granted, I get mine without the meat, but still, not the healthiest item ever made.

But it sure beats the McDonald’s Steak and Egg Cheese Bagel.

As a reward to myself once I am down to my initial targeted weight, I plan on eating all of the above in one sitting. Also, I think I will eat some pancakes, too.


  1. P.S. List does not include beverages. I need a separate list for that.


  2. You are being very good and disciplined. I don’t know where this 25 pounds you are losing will come from though, as you look very little and tiny to me. Don’t pull a Nicole on us, please mam.

    Good Luck, I know you can do it.


  3. Nicole? Who is that? I won’t ever become too skinny. Toby would leave me. He loves some chub. :]


  4. Oh, and I’m sort of hoping it comes from my boobs. haha


  5. That’s great you stuck with the diet. I tried it for a little while, but only got halfway through the second week because I attended a birthday party with tons of bad food and lost self control. Now I just eat healthier and work out every day. It works for me. Like you, I wish some of the pounds would come off my boobs. sigh I sigh because I know they won’t.


  6. Nicole Ritchie. I’m sorry, I think everyone lives in my sick little pop culture world. ;)

    I always lose from my boobs first, which in my case is not so good. When I turn 60, I am SO buying myself some new honkers, and I want the ones that are so perky they look like cruise missiles.


  7. I’ve hated but accepted my big boobs because everyone tells me I should. I would actually give them away to people bit by bit if I could. Shirts never fit me right, perverts stare, and they still hurt like a bitch when running on a treadmill even with the best of the best sports bras


  8. I totally figured that out right after i wrote it. Of course, Nicole Ritchie. The Cock and Coke diet does work.


  9. “The Cock and Coke diet”. Bwahahahaha. Damn you’re good. :D


  10. So you’ll cancel Netflix because of Walmart, but you still eat at McDonalds?


  11. I writ you a little song and it goes something like this, here it goes [to the tune of the oscar meyer song]:

    I’d like my mihow skinny
    and I’d like my mihow fat
    even tho we all know
    she’s nowhere’s near to that
    I’d like my mihow anyway
    even served straight up
    if that’s ok
    and if you ask me why I’ll say
    cause mihow’s my pal everyday

    ::jazz hands::

    Also, I know it’s not a food but I nominate cigarettes to the list. I mean how hard could it be to engineer a cigarette that won’t kill you?


  12. Dee, I dream about eating at McDonald’s. I do. But I haven’t been able to step foot in there since Fast Food Nation and Super Size me. Unfortunately. :/


  13. Thank you Mihow! You had me fooled into thinking you were a secret McRonald lover… ew


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