I’m Going to Hell for This.

I forgot to mention a souvenir I found while I was visiting Saint Patrick’s Cathedral last week. I was in the church at the time. I had just sat down in a pew to warm up and take in the sights. That’s when I saw this out of the corner of my eye:

Except it wasn’t showing straight up as I’ve shown above. Instead, it was on its side like this:

Now, I know I never made a very good Catholic. I was constantly trying to push negative/dirty/wrong/weird thoughts out of my head so that on days where I had to attend confession, I didn’t take up ALL the priest’s time. I was way too claustrophobic to sit in that small confessional for that long anyway. But I refuse to believe that I am the only pottyhead who sees what seems perfectly clear in this logo.

Is it just me? I ask you. Is it really just me?

27 Comments

  1. Yup. It’s just you. I think I know where you’re going, but I’m not on the same train. : )

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  2. really? funny, because later that night when we were on our way to the Gotham Girls’ Roller Derby, I pulled it out (haha!) to show Toby and Lindsay and see what they thought. The woman standing near us was staring at it and after they both sort of agreed, I said, “What do you think?” to this complete stranger on the 4 train. And she said, “That there is a penis.” Hmmmm

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  3. That’s exactly what I was thinking, mihow…

    “That there is a penis.”

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  4. that’s definitely an eager throbbing penis. the adjectives are purely my interpretation, but without a doubt, it’s a penis.

    [the appeal to share god’s gifts] now that’s a healhty attitude about sex.

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  5. ha! mia. Little mia. My little (recovering) catholic friend, mia.

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  6. michele, there isn’t anything you should feel worried about. even with a quick glance at that card , it is very clear what is happening: the cardinals believe that they are a gift from god, and they are appealing to altar boys to embrace what they are sharing. Note how the penis is formed by the intersection of cane (stewardship) and heart (purity) – a clear indication that they intend to suggest to alter boys that church elders view their man-boy love as something both pure and sacred, and not blatant pedophilia as the rest of the world believes.
    I think you should contact the FBI and alert them to this.

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  7. Jon has worked himself into a scary, scary place.

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  8. I’m not a pervert, but close…okay…oaky.. I am. And I can see penis’ just about anywhere. I just don’t see it….but if you all say it is… Opps – I just saw it. Forgive me Lord.

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  9. Say three Hail Mary’s and fourteen Our Fathers and you should be fine. (This is blasphemy. I seriously am on my way straight to an abysmal inferno. Sorry, mom!)

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  10. dont people test these logos out first, pottyheads and not? i mean a spin around the block first before “unleashing it” on the god fearing public doesnt seem like a bad idea.. heh

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  11. possible explanation for the logo, #1

    cardinal : father nambla we’ve had it with you! we’ve had to cover for you molesting an alter boy for the last time. we’re beginning to think you might not just be a pedophile that we can cover up, but a homosexual that must be cast from the church!
    father nambla: oh no cardinal, i’m not gay. i just like to molest boys.
    cardinal: well then, no more boys for you! the cops are very mad that we keep paying off your victims and putting you back in charge of day care. you’ll be resigned to desk duty now!

    the very next day father nambla starts working in the church’s graphic arts department.
    father nambla: i can design this poster no problem!

    ten minutes pass, and father nambla is fidgeting with his pencil
    father nambla: must not think of alter boy penises. must not think of alter boy penises.

    then, father nambla draws his heart and shepards cane logo—fully unaware of the inner psyche he is exposing to the world

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  12. And if you really look at it, you can also see the letters “M” and “J” in the icon: Michael Jackson.

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  13. Jon, tell me, is it as hot as they say it is? Charlie, if you play Led Zepplin’s album backwards, satan speaks to you, too.

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  14. Or led zeppelin, rather. (I just lost my classic rock badge didn’t I?)

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  15. how come when i make reference to a publicly accepted practice of an instiution covering up child molestations people say that I’M going to hell, but think that the priest who molested a boy, and the preists who made a concerted effort to cover it up and facilitated future sexual assaults are considered to be forgivable, holy, and men of god.

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  16. I’m sure they’ll be going to hell, too. You won’t be lonely or sexually frustrated. :]

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  17. posssible explanation #2:

    cardinal: oh great. i love way the heart and the cane work together
    designer: thank you—i was going for an elegant, simple look
    cardinal: can we just change a few things?
    designer: (ugh) sure
    cardinal: can you move this here… and that a little bit more there.. and..
    designer: like that?
    cardinal: hmm.. let me see
    the cardinal looks at the image from different angles
    cardinal: is there any way that you can make it look more like a young man’s penis when we look at it this way?

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  18. Jon, I think you might need a quaalude.

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  19. do people still take those?

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  20. You know, if you squint just right, it kinda looks like a duck.

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  21. Before I even read your post I was thinking penis.
    However the word penis runs through my head several hundred times a day, so it could just be a coincidence.

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  22. See, Torrie, that’s usually the case for me. I guess I just always see what I’m not supposed to see. And sometimes, it might be a bit of a stretch. But this time there was no maybe. I saw it without even having to think about it. As I sat there in the pew, I was greeted by a red penis.

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  23. possibility #3
    priest #1: do you ever wake up sometimes and just want to rape a boy?
    priest #2: totally
    priest #1: awesome.
    (pause)
    priest #1: what do you think of this logo?
    priest #2: OMG! so cute!
    priest #1: and if you hold it this way, it kinda looks like a penis
    priest #2: LOL! you are SO going to be next pope.
    fade out.

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  24. Jon, I’m starting to think you might need a leetle therapy. Find someone who deals with the unconscious as well.

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  25. Oh jesus…I misread the posting (a tad busy at work today). I thought that they put the ad up in the church sideways…please disregard my email.

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