Mihow

I’m Going to Hell for This.

—

by

Mihow
in

I forgot to mention a souvenir I found while I was visiting Saint Patrick’s Cathedral last week. I was in the church at the time. I had just sat down in a pew to warm up and take in the sights. That’s when I saw this out of the corner of my eye:

Except it wasn’t showing straight up as I’ve shown above. Instead, it was on its side like this:

Now, I know I never made a very good Catholic. I was constantly trying to push negative/dirty/wrong/weird thoughts out of my head so that on days where I had to attend confession, I didn’t take up ALL the priest’s time. I was way too claustrophobic to sit in that small confessional for that long anyway. But I refuse to believe that I am the only pottyhead who sees what seems perfectly clear in this logo.

Is it just me? I ask you. Is it really just me?

Comments

27 responses to “I’m Going to Hell for This.”

  1. Lana Avatar
    Lana

    Yup. It’s just you. I think I know where you’re going, but I’m not on the same train. : )

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  2. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    really? funny, because later that night when we were on our way to the Gotham Girls’ Roller Derby, I pulled it out (haha!) to show Toby and Lindsay and see what they thought. The woman standing near us was staring at it and after they both sort of agreed, I said, “What do you think?” to this complete stranger on the 4 train. And she said, “That there is a penis.” Hmmmm

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  3. LadyBug Avatar
    LadyBug

    That’s exactly what I was thinking, mihow…

    “That there is a penis.”

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  4. mia Avatar
    mia

    that’s definitely an eager throbbing penis. the adjectives are purely my interpretation, but without a doubt, it’s a penis.

    [the appeal to share god’s gifts] now that’s a healhty attitude about sex.

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  5. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    ha! mia. Little mia. My little (recovering) catholic friend, mia.

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  6. jon Avatar
    jon

    michele, there isn’t anything you should feel worried about. even with a quick glance at that card , it is very clear what is happening: the cardinals believe that they are a gift from god, and they are appealing to altar boys to embrace what they are sharing. Note how the penis is formed by the intersection of cane (stewardship) and heart (purity) – a clear indication that they intend to suggest to alter boys that church elders view their man-boy love as something both pure and sacred, and not blatant pedophilia as the rest of the world believes.
    I think you should contact the FBI and alert them to this.

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  7. tobyjoe Avatar
    tobyjoe

    Jon has worked himself into a scary, scary place.

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  8. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    :;falls down::

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  9. Diedre Avatar
    Diedre

    I’m not a pervert, but close…okay…oaky.. I am. And I can see penis’ just about anywhere. I just don’t see it….but if you all say it is… Opps – I just saw it. Forgive me Lord.

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  10. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Say three Hail Mary’s and fourteen Our Fathers and you should be fine. (This is blasphemy. I seriously am on my way straight to an abysmal inferno. Sorry, mom!)

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  11. grijn Avatar
    grijn

    dont people test these logos out first, pottyheads and not? i mean a spin around the block first before “unleashing it” on the god fearing public doesnt seem like a bad idea.. heh

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  12. jon Avatar
    jon

    possible explanation for the logo, #1

    cardinal : father nambla we’ve had it with you! we’ve had to cover for you molesting an alter boy for the last time. we’re beginning to think you might not just be a pedophile that we can cover up, but a homosexual that must be cast from the church!
    father nambla: oh no cardinal, i’m not gay. i just like to molest boys.
    cardinal: well then, no more boys for you! the cops are very mad that we keep paying off your victims and putting you back in charge of day care. you’ll be resigned to desk duty now!

    the very next day father nambla starts working in the church’s graphic arts department.
    father nambla: i can design this poster no problem!

    ten minutes pass, and father nambla is fidgeting with his pencil
    father nambla: must not think of alter boy penises. must not think of alter boy penises.

    then, father nambla draws his heart and shepards cane logo—fully unaware of the inner psyche he is exposing to the world

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  13. Charlie Avatar
    Charlie

    And if you really look at it, you can also see the letters “M” and “J” in the icon: Michael Jackson.

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  14. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Jon, tell me, is it as hot as they say it is? Charlie, if you play Led Zepplin’s album backwards, satan speaks to you, too.

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  15. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Or led zeppelin, rather. (I just lost my classic rock badge didn’t I?)

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  16. jon Avatar
    jon

    how come when i make reference to a publicly accepted practice of an instiution covering up child molestations people say that I’M going to hell, but think that the priest who molested a boy, and the preists who made a concerted effort to cover it up and facilitated future sexual assaults are considered to be forgivable, holy, and men of god.

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  17. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    I’m sure they’ll be going to hell, too. You won’t be lonely or sexually frustrated. :]

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  18. jon Avatar
    jon

    posssible explanation #2:

    cardinal: oh great. i love way the heart and the cane work together
    designer: thank you—i was going for an elegant, simple look
    cardinal: can we just change a few things?
    designer: (ugh) sure
    cardinal: can you move this here… and that a little bit more there.. and..
    designer: like that?
    cardinal: hmm.. let me see
    the cardinal looks at the image from different angles
    cardinal: is there any way that you can make it look more like a young man’s penis when we look at it this way?

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  19. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Jon, I think you might need a quaalude.

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  20. jon Avatar
    jon

    do people still take those?

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  21. BIYF Avatar
    BIYF

    You know, if you squint just right, it kinda looks like a duck.

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  22. goose Avatar
    goose

    quack quack

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  23. Torrie Avatar
    Torrie

    Before I even read your post I was thinking penis.
    However the word penis runs through my head several hundred times a day, so it could just be a coincidence.

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  24. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    See, Torrie, that’s usually the case for me. I guess I just always see what I’m not supposed to see. And sometimes, it might be a bit of a stretch. But this time there was no maybe. I saw it without even having to think about it. As I sat there in the pew, I was greeted by a red penis.

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  25. jon Avatar
    jon

    possibility #3
    priest #1: do you ever wake up sometimes and just want to rape a boy?
    priest #2: totally
    priest #1: awesome.
    (pause)
    priest #1: what do you think of this logo?
    priest #2: OMG! so cute!
    priest #1: and if you hold it this way, it kinda looks like a penis
    priest #2: LOL! you are SO going to be next pope.
    fade out.

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  26. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Jon, I’m starting to think you might need a leetle therapy. Find someone who deals with the unconscious as well.

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  27. BSmith Avatar
    BSmith

    Oh jesus…I misread the posting (a tad busy at work today). I thought that they put the ad up in the church sideways…please disregard my email.

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