Finally, I have some time to update. We arrived on Wednesday at around 12:30 p.m. It took us 4.5 days to get here. Each day I drove around 9 to 10 hours. On the second to the last day we drove from Glenwood Springs, Colorado, all the way to Reno, Nevada. That trip took us about 13 or 14 hours. And it probably should have taken us longer, but I flew through Utah. Which brings me to my next point. I am sorry to say that the winner of the most bizarre, most depressing, weirdest state award goes to Utah. (Please note: this comment is based on what WE saw, I realize that the entire state is not depressing, but let’s just say I now understand why Utah gives out the highest number of Prozac prescriptions.) Utah is so weird. By weird, I mean foreign. The towns south of SLC along route 6 are so depressing. The rural areas are dotted with trailers. We actually drove past not one, but TWO dead horses. One carcass was fenced in, its belly opened up. Its insides were exposed for all the other horses to see. Later, we saw another one. It was roadkill. How is it a horse is left to rot on the side of a major highway? I didn’t get this. I still don’t. It was perhaps the weirdest shit I saw the entire 4.5 days. Even weirder than the desert storm we entered and drove inside of near the salt flats. Who leaves a horse to rot on the highway?

I averaged 75 mph the entire way across the middle of America. That might seem fast but the speed limit is 70/75 most of the time, so it’s really not that bad. The key to getting across the country quickly, I have decided, is waking up really super duper early every day. I made sure we were on the road by 7 or 8 a.m. When you’re used to east coast time, it’s not so tough. There is little to no traffic on a road through Kansas at that hour.

So, we finally rolled in on Wednesday. And we would have been able to finally get out of the car if the management company could have given us our keys. We needed to physically sign a lease. And the owners weren’t around, so we couldn’t do so. Needless to say, I was upset about having to spend another 2 hours in the same van we spent 4.5 days in. But given no choice, we waited. It was suggested we get lunch and kill time. But I’m such a freak for my cats, I just could not leave them there alone. I was brought up during the late 70s. I remember the “Hot enough to fry and egg/Hot enough to fry a dog’s brain” commercial.

While waiting we met a woman. She merely parked her Reckless Record bumper-sticker covered SUV in front of our van. When she saw Tucker, who was standing on the edge of the seat watching the world pass by, she walked over to my window to talk. “Oh, great!” I thought. “This ‘Girls RULE!’ woman is going to kick my ass for frying my cat’s brain.”

It turns out she’s a pet photographer and wanted to know why and how we were driving around with our adorable cat. I told her the story. I told her the tale about how we just arrived from Washington, D.C. and how we were locked out of our new place until some red tape and paperwork is both destroyed and tampered with. She handed me her card. She was unbelievably friendly.

Welcome to the neighborhood! If you have any questions, feel free to drop me an email. I lived in Bethesda, Maryland for several years. Moved here ten years ago and wouldn’t go back for anything in the world. You’ll love it here.

Along with our many (sex-starved?) waitresses, folks on the street are friendly as well.

So we finally got into our apartment. We emptied the car. Got right back in in search of a bed. By 7 p.m. our new bed (the future guest bed) was assembled and we were on it.

Oh, and we broke down. We did buy a TV. It’s the cheapest, shitiest TV out there. But it works. It works fine. But apparently in San Francisco, NBC is hard to find. So I missed the last Frasier. I missed my weekly crying regimen by watching ER. That blows. But CSI is always around. And now!!! They’re starting CSI New York. Gary must be desperate. Poor bastard.

Our apartment is perfect. It holds so much light. It will be nearly two weeks before we get our stuff, but I can wait and enjoy the feeling of weightlessness for a while. And tomorrow Comcast shows up. We’ll be online again. I’ll post 200 photographs then.

All is said and done now. Book your flights. Everyone come visit. We purchased a new dining room table for dinner parties. And you’ll have a bed, a TV and any number of horny waitresses you’d like.