Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

Today, there are numerous people trickling in from out of town for Toby and my post-wedding/now going-away party. And I’m excited. Even though I anticipate crying often, realizing this is the last time I’ll see many of them for a while.

I always cry. I cried last night during ER (again).

I just really dread saying goodbye.

When I was a kid, we moved often. And I remember the few days leading up the our pending roll-out and how I could not stand the act of actually leaving. I used to promise myself that I would not turn around once we’re in the car. I would not turn to see who might be waving. It bothers me that distance forces objects to become smaller. I might dedicate the rest of my life trying to alleviate this phenomenon and our perception of size. But there’s a strong suit for everyone. And that sort of task is not one of mine.

(I read once about an architect who designed an airport where the person leaving left from the second floor. So when their loved one was there watching them enter into the boarding area they had to ride escalators to get to the top which was lined with glass, exposing sky. That way, even though the leaver would inevitably be getting smaller, they’d be rising at the same time.)

I have left many times. I have disappeared in the middle of the night. I have left after people have all gone to work. I have left notes, and past-due rent checks, little presents and sometimes nothing. I am the ugliest leaver there is. And all my actions have been based entirely on fear.

And so life is funny.

Life is funny because we’ve had this party planned for months now. We’ve known who we’d like to invite. I’ve pictured the evening in my head over and over again. We knew we wanted it to take place around May 1st. How was I to know then that we’d be moving to San Francisco not a week later?

Life is funny because this weekend I’ll be forced to face my ugliest fear. The fear of leaving, distance, and that of objects becoming smaller. And I wish I had the name of that airport now.

12 Comments

  1. …i should know the name of that airport but i’m afraid that i do not. you’ll have to tell me one day.

    we are getting ready to leave now so just think of this: perspective works in both directions. therefore, from this minute on we will be getting bigger & bigger & bigger as we approach DC until we are actually huge enough to take over the city! (kind of like the blob, no?)

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  2. hahah! Hey, btw, Sunday is open here at the Howley hotel. :] Can’t wait to see you.

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  3. Can you hold a couple of car side mirrors in each hand? Don’t they make objects appear closer? (In any event, try to laugh through the tears—- transitions are just sad, dammit.)

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  4. Ah, yes. We have moved quite a bit but who would we be and where would we be now had we not. Would Ryan be here? Probably not. How sad. Would you have meet Toby? Probably not. Yes, Chele. It is definitely hard to move but you will still have all your friends and will meet many more. And you’ll come back some day with more stories to entertain us all and then we will have a bigger party to welcome you and Toby back. Enjoy your party!

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  5. No regrets! I blow things out of proportion in my head. That’s all. :]

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  6. What do you mean “no regrets”. It is clear to me that if mom and dad hadn’t moved us, that I would be the starting second baseman for the New York Yankees at this point in my life.

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  7. And instead you’re the husband of Melissa and the father of Simone…hummm…no contest!!

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  8. Yes, Rob. She is right. However, if you can persuade Melissa into agreeing to let you have a Hot Chicks Room in your future house, you’ll be king of the mountain, ruler of all.

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  9. sorry i won’t be there to celebrate your union as well as your pending move… but congrats on both counts you guys. i’ve said it befor but sometimes it never hurts to repeat yourself. you’ve become i big part of my day and will remain a big part no matter what city you move to. i look forward to your dispatches from the road as well as from sunny california.
    good luck guys.

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  10. Thanks, mister. It does help to hear sometimes. I finally just wrote our girl27 back as well. I need to catch up on all my correspondence.
    Toby signed up for Tmobile wireless. So we’re hoping to be able to post our photos along the way as well as update often. I am assuming most hotels have access as well. And we’ll have our laptops available (to avoid the shadiness of the movers) so I hope we can sign on and remain “live” so to speak. I wish to have record of this as well, for my own sake. I have always dreamed of driving across America. And how often does one get to record their dreams?

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  11. Some say parents live through their children, this will be my way of cross-country. Watch for those tornados in Kansas! Take a picture of a great storm over the plains for me.

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  12. I do hope Ashton manages to make an appearance at your gig. You’ve done so much for him. At any rate, godspeed on your trip out West. Even tho’ I never see you, this town will be less for your absence.

    Many, many happy returns

    DaveJ

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