1). If some asshole from Trading Spaces ever paints my walls zebra skin, puts fake plants around my bed, or dangles stuffed monkeys from my ceiling, I’ll sue their ass.
2). If you leave a bag of potting soil outside for over a month in the rain with the top open you will prove the existence of alien life.
3). They DO use actual dead people as crash test dummies.
4). Avis is a rip-off.
5). Someone explain to me how Delaware is a State and D.C. is not.
6). No colon should be able to hold 40 pounds of shit. And if one should, no one should know about it.
7). The telephone will not hurt you.
8). Someone, namely Missy, should figure out a way to (sometimes) shut me up.
9). It’s not the Virgin Mary.
10). Why did Joe and Jake break up? I can’t remember.