Sometimes I look at him and I am just completely amazed at how lucky I am to know him. Sometimes he’s sleeping and I watch him for a minute. I imagine walking over to the bed and putting my hands on him. I imagine that if he awoke, he’d wonder why I was waking him and he’d probably want me to turn my head. It’s amazing how many common pleasures are destroyed by fear.
This morning I was in line at Starbucks getting coffee. Yesterday, I was there as well. I was in line when I realized I had no way of paying for the coffee. I looked around and then I left. I had tea in my desk. Tea is nice as well. This morning, the boy in front of me let me go ahead of him as he rummaged through his backpack.
“This may take a while, I’m looking for change.”
I had my headphones on. Songs: Ohio was playing. But I still heard him as they’re quiet. I was thinking that I really like this unknown band. Sometimes I wonder why more people don’t recognize how great they are. I grabbed a dollar out of my wallet. I thought about coins but who can guess what change means? I gestured my dollar towards the boy. He looked up from the digging and said,
“Oh no, no, that’s totally ok. I know it’s in here somewhere. Thanks so much, though.”
It’s easy to be nice to people when you’re in love with someone. Contentment makes us do silly things. And I find myself discovering my own contentment all the time; it’s tucked into random acts of kindness, and I often feel elated when I leave them.
Earlier, on the bus, a woman sat next to me. She asked me about my Palm Pilot. Songs: Ohio was playing so I heard her. I paused the best song and explained to her that it was an iPod and that it played music to me. It could hold 4,000 different songs and if I could ever fill it, I’d have every song I’d ever need in a very small space. I told her that I kind of liked that idea. She was probably the most pleasant person I have never met.
She got off at K Street.
When I left the coffee place, I wondered what the boy thought about my offering him a dollar. I wonder if he thought I was flirting and I wonder if he thought I felt sorry for him.
After I left the store, I sipped my coffee. I still love the smell of coffee. I think it’s one of my most favorite things. It makes being cold not so bad and I hate the cold. My thoughts went to our bed where he lay at home. And I smiled. I’m different now from what I was a year ago. I’m better. Sometimes I just want people to see this. And if the boy could see the way I laugh at night, he’d know my gesture was entirely selfless.
And I hope that boy was able to have some coffee, eventually. I hope he found the change he was looking for.
Songs: Ohio is still on. The song is called Being in Love. Their music isn’t flat at all.