Mihow

Masturbation

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by

Mihow
in

I worked as an AIDS project volunteer during college. Before helping we had to go through long classes so that when someone asked a question like

Can I get HIV from Water Sports?

you had to know what it was they were actually talking about. Someone once answered,

No, the chlorine will most likely kill the virus as it is actually very weak.

(D’OH!) So this next game is dedicated to my time training as an AIDS project volunteer and (indirectly but most importantly) Jon Bubb.
Terms for masturbation. (male and female) GO!!!!

Clearing the Snorkel

Rubbing one out.

Comments

40 responses to “Masturbation”

  1. freakgirl Avatar
    freakgirl

    “rubbing one out,” that is so funny.

    um.

    spanking the monkey
    cleaning the pipes

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  2. scbob Avatar
    scbob

    choking the chicken

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  3. scbob Avatar
    scbob

    not that I’ve ever done that!

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  4. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    bah hahahah

    During this excercise at the AIDS project we found there were many more terms for boys than there were for girls. Hmmmmmm

    Even now, I’m having trouble thinking of some.

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  5. michael Avatar
    michael

    -whip off a batch
    -clear the baby batter

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  6. scbob Avatar
    scbob

    Sorry about the empty comment – I was too busy “taking matters into my own hands”.

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  7. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    CLEAR THE BABY BATTER?!

    BAH HAHAHHAHAH
    ewwwww

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  8. michael Avatar
    michael

    :D

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  9. michael Avatar
    michael

    out of curiosity, what is the reason for water sports being safe?

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  10. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    No problem. I’m going to pretend folks don’t know. So here goes. (I am rusty, it’s been years since I studied all of this). Hopefully if something I say is false, someone will correct me.

    Water Sports is a term used for peeing on one another, not actually playing in the pool. (Just incase folks don’t know that).

    If a person pees directly into a person’s cut or a mucus membrane, then there is a (very small) chance, IT’S VERY slim. It’s sort of like spit. If a person has HIV and is making out with someone who has a cut in their mouth the person with the cut would have to drink about a bucket of spit before there would be a threat. The same can be said for urine. Once the virus is “air born” it becomes extremely weak. But you still want to tell folks to use protective plastic if they really must pee on one another. So we had to make sure that’s what they were talking about and not actually swimming.

    Did I answer any of what you just asked me? I tend to be a bit of a scatter brain and answer the wrong thing. :)

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  11. michael Avatar
    michael

    ahem

    Remind me to check my sex filter…..

    I thought you meant like water polo and swimming and diving.

    :/

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  12. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Which, incidentally, is one of the many reasons I hated the movie “Kids” When I saw it, I was surrounded by little 18 year old punkers and when we reached the scene where the young kid and his friends began beating the black man in the park and he spit into the guys face (who was covered in open cuts) there were a bunch of kids who were like, “Oh shit, now that dude he got himself the AIDS.” Which was false. But they had no way of every knowing that. However the scene was carefully placed, slow-mo style. Some people can’t be trusted (at that age) to find out the truth. I was one of them. Dumb. :)

    Films can be dangerous if handed to the wrong folks. And that film, I felt, caused more harm than good. I was unfortunate enough to see some of that while working in a video store. It wasn’t the parents watching that movie and saying, “OH shit, I have to watch my kid closer!” It was the young 13 year olds thinking it was cool and shit.

    /rant.

    (Not sure where that came from). Oops.

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  13. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Michael, it’s ok. Most folks don’t know that. :)

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  14. michael Avatar
    michael

    Well now I’m even more embarassed, I DO know what watersports means, I think I’ve just regressed to a more innocent time in my life today, a time when I didn’t think of sex 90% of the time. ; )

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  15. ARJEN Avatar
    ARJEN

    closing the deal
    taking rambo for a walk
    hi fivin’
    dock & unload
    taking a load off

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  16. Reg Hartner Avatar
    Reg Hartner

    Pulling the goalie
    Flogging the dolphin
    Beating the Bishop
    Applying the hand brake
    Arguing with Henry Longfellow
    Badgering the witness
    Dating Miss Michigan (think geography)
    One gun salute
    Measuring for condoms
    Playing a little five-on-one
    Playing the skin flute

    OK that’s it I’m going back to work.

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  17. nifkin Avatar
    nifkin

    snap the carrot

    punch the munchkin

    wax the dolphin

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  18. tobyjoe Avatar
    tobyjoe

    for girls:

    DOUBLE CLICK YOUR MOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  19. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Diddle my skittle!

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  20. tobyjoe Avatar
    tobyjoe

    my favorite for the lads:

    ‘ferociously slide ones foreskin back and forth over their penis with particular focus on the frenum’

    it’s a mouthful all right…

    (gee, did i set myself up there, or what?)

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  21. jon Avatar
    jon

    most men in the us dont have foreskins, because infant mutilation is just as popular here as suvs. perhaps more so.

    watersports, i’m told, may not be as viable a vector for hiv infection, but is pretty good at speading other things

    like syphillis or the clap

    everybody, clap now for toby

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  22. jon Avatar
    jon

    oh, roman showers are pretty safe. if for some deranged reason you’re into that sort of thing.

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  23. nifkin Avatar
    nifkin

    a friend in high school once insisted that there was a difference between “beating off”, “jacking off” and “jerking off”…

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  24. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    yes so ummm this “friend” could “he” perhaps elaborate as to how they are different? I won’t tell “him” you said anything.

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  25. michael Avatar
    michael

    are you insinuating perhaps nifkins friend is not so much a friend but maybe… umm… nifkin?

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  26. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    Hey jon, did “nifkin’s friend” tell you this stuff? About the roman showers and stuff.

    I’m not saying people should start peeing on one another. I can’t imagine that would work too well. I can’t even pee in front of the cat.

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  27. Reg Hartner Avatar
    Reg Hartner

    Be careful all this urine could ruin a good bedroom set. My “friend” recommends:

    http://www.bedwettingstore.com/bedwetting-mattresscover.htm

    For all your water sport needs.

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  28. jon Avatar
    jon

    no. i had to learn about roman showers myself.

    wait. that didn’t sound right.

    i kept hearing jokes about roman showers. they were about par with dirty sanchez jokes. but i had no idea what a roman shower was. and, as i found out, neither did half the people telling the joke.

    so i googled ‘roman shower’

    i still soooo wish i hadn’t done that

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  29. kafk Avatar
    kafk

    Wow. google just returned mihow.com for MILLIONS more eager viewers – the one handed typing variety that is…

    ‘bash the bishop’
    ‘Squeeze out the population paste’
    ‘clear the custard’

    I feel dirty.

    and i think I like it…

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  30. grijn Avatar
    grijn

    “polishing the knob”
    or for the Pollacks like me:
    “Polishing the knob”

    this is even funnier if you reference the “Pollack Corner” thread from months back.

    and it’s even FUNNIER if the dying mouse stuck in the trap says it in a Barry White voice.

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  31. andrea Avatar
    andrea

    i’m glad im not the only one who
    can’t pee in front of the cat.

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  32. jon Avatar
    jon

    when you touch yourself you make your naughty bits tingle

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  33. tobyjoe Avatar
    tobyjoe

    http://www.fraudband.org/gettingit/article/164

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  34. megami Avatar
    megami

    I can’t believe no one said anything about finding the little man in the boat.

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  35. anonymous Avatar
    anonymous

    the one-eyed chinaman?

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  36. Arjen Avatar
    Arjen

    oh yeah. fighting’ the cyclops ?

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  37. tobyjoe Avatar
    tobyjoe

    what little man in the boat? what boat? there’s a man in the boat?

    keep him away from me!

    *does he bite?

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  38. lana Avatar
    lana

    Don’t forget the “menage moi”

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  39. mihow Avatar
    mihow

    ha ha ha!

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  40. megami Avatar
    megami

    Toby, for Mihow’s sake I’ll assume you’re joking. It’s so hard to tell. :)

    Not that any of those things are ANY of my business!!! No sir! Nope.

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