Black Toilet

We have black toilets at work. Black toilets worry me. I ‘get it’ and everything, but somehow it just doesn’t seem right. It’s like dark ponds or quarrys. They freak me out a bit too. Only this is a toilet. I can’t see the bottom, I know it’s there, but I can’t see it. I have no idea what might be down there. It’s disconcerting.

20 Comments

  1. There are alligators down there who want to bite your bum.

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  2. and you never have to clean them. How does THAT make you feel about your bathroom?!

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  3. See, that’s sort of what I was afraid of. I could develop a fear of the black toilet and take to peeing in the street.

    And one time, I went to pee in the rear toilet, and instead of the water going down (as it’s supposed to do) it began to rise. Only since the toilet is black and all, I didn’t catch it till it was coming near top and about to overflo. So what did I do?

    I ran in fear. And returned only weeks later. I use the front one now. But it’s black as well.

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  4. I’m sure the dean and deluca washroom is lovely.

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  5. Have you seen those donuts? I do worry.

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  6. The greatest fear of any human being is flushing the toilet and seeing the water rise.

    I recommend just getting some adult diapers.

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  7. get a monkey who likes to drink pee and have him sit below your desk

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  8. I fear a pee-drinking monkey more than a black toilet.

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  9. “Fear of a Black Toilet” is the name of my third album.

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  10. my mental connection to black toilets is that in robber bride by margaret atwood one of the main characters goes to a party and everything in the bathroom is painted black as revenge, cause the landlord has kicked the party-givers out, and this is a final party they are throwing right before they leave. very strange, but that is what ran through my head. it’s all i’ve got. :)

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  11. I think I might want to read this. What’s it in? Is it a short story? Or a novel? I am a reading machine as of late. :)

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  12. in the house we grew up in, we had a
    dark brown toilet. you couldn’t see
    the bottom in it either. i had do a
    careful bug and snake check before i’d
    ever use it. (we lived in the woods—
    so i felt it necessary.)

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  13. it is a novel. that party scene is kind of random. she also wrote the handmaid’s tale, which is probably her most famous book. the book itself is about this woman who ruins the lives of these 3 other women by stealing their husbands, which she accomplishes by doing various hurtful things. it is not nearly as fucking stupid or shallow as i just made it sound. i swear that it is really good. what is even better though (and still by the same person) is Cat’s Eye, which is kind of long, and sometimes feels a little autobiographical, but it follows a woman from when she is about 6 or 7 (maybe) until she is in her 50’s (?maybe younger, i don’t really remember). but it is very well done. so either the robber’s bride or cat’s eye, they are both amazing books.

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  14. I wonder really has anyone been bit in the ass by something beneath the surface? It’s a terrible fear. In DC there are HUGE rats and I heard they got all up in the pipes under where we humans walk and began coming up through toilets and stuff. I freaked. What did I do?

    I called mom. She said they now put fences and stuff below to block such a problem. Not sure where I am going with this.

    ok yeah.

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  15. I have visions of swarming caged creatures fighting to get out and bite my bum.

    I’m calling mymother now…

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  16. too bad you didn’t use “mum” that would have rhymed. :)

    “the lad fancies himself a poet!”

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  17. ha!
    well maybe I’ll drop ass-doughnuts (with sprinkles) down there half an hour before I need the khazi so I will have fed the ravenous butt-eating creatures of the NY sewer system and they will be sated.

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  18. I’m glad you ‘get it’ because I don’t. What’s to get about black toilets?

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  19. well I dunno… but I DID JUST POST A PICTURE! So you are in LUCK!

    (see the last post)

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  20. Michele,
    I wont disclose my source, but i happen to get my grubby hands on the plans for the “Black Toilet”. And if we get some more resources together you and I can launch a few Proton Torpedos down it and run like hell. YAAAAAAHOOOOOO

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