Very nearly every day I wonder if I might just be losing my mind. I guess that’s what they call it. (Who knows). It’s more like a constant battle between enjoying myself completely and getting on the floor in the fetal position and hoping that if I close my eyes all real tight and shit the monsters won’t see me and (in time) they’ll get bored and move on to next person.
Since I began taking pictures of my commute, I have (accidentally) trained my eyes into noticing nearly EVERYTHING around me. I didn’t mean for this to happen, it just did. And I’m not sure how I feel about it really. But today it got to me a bit. I was on the N/R this morning and I was looking about the place noticing people’s faces and their eyes and (what often appear to be) blank stares and I began to wonder if all of these people are scared shitless as well? What it is that makes us feel true joy (assuming that the latest hot pair of Puma’s or a trip to the spa isn’t it).
Maybe that guy who reeks of booze at 9:00 a.m. does so to avoid it all and that crazy motherfucker down the way? He let the monsters get to close and they are actually talking to him now.
Is everyone just walking about, bouncing from one diversion to another, ignoring what we long for and pretending we’re tougher than we really are? I’m tired of tough. Give me a god damn hug you ungraceful, grumpy bunch of strangers. :)