fetal position

Very nearly every day I wonder if I might just be losing my mind. I guess that’s what they call it. (Who knows). It’s more like a constant battle between enjoying myself completely and getting on the floor in the fetal position and hoping that if I close my eyes all real tight and shit the monsters won’t see me and (in time) they’ll get bored and move on to next person.
Since I began taking pictures of my commute, I have (accidentally) trained my eyes into noticing nearly EVERYTHING around me. I didn’t mean for this to happen, it just did. And I’m not sure how I feel about it really. But today it got to me a bit. I was on the N/R this morning and I was looking about the place noticing people’s faces and their eyes and (what often appear to be) blank stares and I began to wonder if all of these people are scared shitless as well? What it is that makes us feel true joy (assuming that the latest hot pair of Puma’s or a trip to the spa isn’t it).
Maybe that guy who reeks of booze at 9:00 a.m. does so to avoid it all and that crazy motherfucker down the way? He let the monsters get to close and they are actually talking to him now.
Is everyone just walking about, bouncing from one diversion to another, ignoring what we long for and pretending we’re tougher than we really are? I’m tired of tough. Give me a god damn hug you ungraceful, grumpy bunch of strangers. :)

9 Comments

  1. mom’ll love this shit

    enjoy the thrax
    that’s what I am good at
    ahhhhh the alter boys
    who has the nipple clamps?
    you are all evil. little devils. small evil, little devils. and these little plans I have…
    what the hell are you up to?
    my monkeys… have no fear… you are all on their list.

    Reply

  2. this is what will fix that creeping suspicion that things are going to destroy you when you turn your back on them:

    BEN FOLDS FIVE

    no really, trust me on this one…

    Reply

  3. I’m with nifkin on this one.

    Reply

  4. see, if freakgirl agrees that means i must be right…

    :D

    Reply

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