We’re Not Sore Losers

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”

Yes, I did just quote Nietzsche. I know. Pretty lame way to start a post. What is this, freshman philosophy class? But I can’t get this quote out of my head. And I think I finally figured out why. Bear with me.

I’ve taken some abuse over the last several days as nearly everyone in my immediate family—as well as my extended family—are Trump supporters. Facebook has been positively brutal lately. I posted a rather longwinded post there a few days ago, and the shit hit the proverbial fan. Thing is, it wasn’t even that outrageous or personal. It was kind of hopeful, actually. But, because tensions are high and egos are involved, it got ugly fast.

Let’s see, I unfriended two members of my extended family and unfollowed nearly everyone else. I canceled Thanksgiving this year. We are going to stay put and make our own meal. But it sucks. The whole thing sucks. And a few family members have said, “Get over it! Life is short. Don’t let this get in the way!” And they’re right. And it won’t get in the way forever. But for now? I, like many others, just need time.

Here’s the deal: I know most of my family members aren’t racist. Some are. That’s just the truth. But most aren’t. They are afraid of certain things; afraid of what they don’t understand. But they aren’t bad people. I would wager to say most people aren’t bad people. Most people are good. And most Trump supporters aren’t racist. But, and here’s the catch: they supported a racist, bigoted, misogynistic person. They supported a racist, bigoted, misogynistic person who then went on to appoint an anti-semite as his chief strategist. They supported a man whose pick for Vice President is pretty terrifying if you’re a woman.

And that’s the part I think many of us are having trouble coming to terms with. People we care very deeply about—people who care for us—stood behind a person who legitimized intolerance and hate.

The Southern Poverty Law Center has reported that between November 9th and November 14th, 437 incidents of hateful intimidation and harassment have been collected. Some may say, “Well, the SPLC never collected incidents of hate like this before.” To which I might respond, “Well, the SPLC never had a reason to collect incidents of hate like this before.”

A common theme I see from Trump supporters is that Hillary Clinton supporters are acting like sore losers and crybabies (actual words used). We are told that we are spending too much time whining and not enough time supporting our now president-elect. We’re not being hopeful enough. We are being told to suck it up. What’s done is done. We have to accept it because the system is the system and he won fair and square. But that’s not really what’s happening here. It’s not about our inability to accept the outcome of who won. That’s not what’s causing this nagging headache I have had sitting behind my eyes since last Wednesday. That’s not what’s making me feel a coldness I haven’t felt in a long, long time.

I have accepted the reality: Trump is going to be our next president. I get that. He won fair and square and I’ve accepted that. But ultimately, I’m not upset that you won and I lost, I’m upset that from now on, I can’t overlook who you stood behind.


  1. Keep keeping on! Your values are important! And the people who say to overlook them for the sake of a Thanksgiving dinner don’t understand values, maybe? Your voice is important so they can hear dissent too and get out of their bubble – we are not the only ones who need to listen and understand. You have a right to your feelings and beliefs – they do too, but you do not have to support them. Not yet.
    Also, I’m not sure where all this “support your President” rhetoric was for the last 8 years, just saying.
    Signed, Not Trying to Fan the Flames but Encourage You in Any Way I can ‘cuz You Give Me Hope


    1. The “support your President” rhetoric is the same kind of thing that was spewed in Nazi Germany when they told the people to be good Germans; he was their Fuhrer now.


  2. I agree with the above commenter. Keep the hope alive. I have never been so happy not to have Facebook as over the past week. I’m keeping up my fight, calling my rep and senators, donating, and happy to stay in the dark about who out there is a trump voter. Not ideal but my heart can only take so much.


  3. Your posts are great. I sympathize about the family fallout. As for me I am a crybaby and sore loser. so what? I will appropriate those shaming words from the alt-right. and steal their tactics, because NO he didnt win fair and square. he cheated with the help of a million shares of fake articles from mercinaries spreading lies which our most earnest efforts and a hundred snopes could not put back into the toothpaste tube. and these indeed influenced many people including our family members who had the misfortune of being in communities inundated by these reinforcing urban legends that rallied their troops. Breitbart guy Bannon who is now Trumps advisor, says this: “most readers don’t approach the news as a clinical exercise in absorbing facts, but experience it viscerally as an ongoing drama, with distinct story lines, heroes, and villains. Breitbart excelled at creating these narratives.” and they kept the country hungry for more drama and they had a lot of help from fake sites.


    1. I do agree with everything you just said. I know he cheated in a terrible way by playing dirty, but unfortunately IT WORKED, so technically, he won. And that sucks. But we do have to accept that fact. People didn’t do their work. They didn’t realize half that shit was fake. They just went with it. I truly believe he would not have won had it NOT been for the fake news sites, but the fake stories and half the real ones that just loved all the new ad revenue—ate that shit up. Trump made them a killing. And don’t even get me started about Fox News. Or CNN, for that matter. They all kind of suck. I’m ranting.

      But he won.

      What gets ME is the number of people who are intelligent, KNEW it was fake, KNEW he was an asshole, and still voted for him. They held their nose and voted for him anyway. I have heard, “I voted party line. What was I supposed to do? I’m a republican.” I emphatically can tell you and anyone who asks, had Trump run on the DNC ticket and said all the shit he said, NO WAY would I have supported that guy. Not a chance in hell. I can’t live with that on my conscience and I’m not even religious. ;]

      It’s been difficult.

      Thank god for prozac. I am not sure how I’d be dealing with this if it weren’t for antidepressants. ;]


  4. I’m with you. I’m so disappointed in certain family members, in particular my mother. This is a woman who told me throughout my childhood that she wanted me to go to college, to be independent, and to not depend on some man to support me. She told me that the only way she had to get out of my grandfather’s house when she was 19 was to get pregnant with me. She had an abortion when she was with her second (abusive) husband. And she voted for Drumpf. When I brought up his pussy grabbing comments, she actually repeated the “that’s just locker room talk!” back at me.

    They may all proclaim that they’re not racist, but they were comfortable enough with sexism and racism that they endorsed it and voted for it to potentially save a few pennies in taxes.


    1. I need to get Toby to add “likes” to comments. Big love to you.


  5. Ummmm… not “fair and square” …exactly. But I get your point


    1. I know. I am using the common words thrown at me from Trump supporters. It’s easier to just agree with that sentiment than to point out the possible truth here. :[


  6. From Canada ….u have our support. We are horrified at what just transpired …incredulous actually.


  7. greenerpasturesacitygirlgoescountry November 22, 2016 at 10:30 pm

    Hi. I am Jenise’s friend. She said I would like you. I’m looking for other like-minded people because most of my family and friends voted for Trump and I feel like I’m on another planet. Yes, I’m a crybaby. And I’m proud of it. I’m crying because I have feelings for all the people he’s hurt and how they must feel knowing that half the country didn’t stick up for them. I’m crying because half the country gave a pass to a monster. I’m crying because they put us in great danger in many ways. And I’m crying that they are so mean, they are laughing over that. I’m crying over a death, really. The death of my innocence in believing that most people were good and kind and that in the end, good would prevail. I’m in grief. But I’m going to keep speaking up. I’m not letting them shut me up by calling me a crybaby or saying, “Com’on, I want to have a nice Thanksgiving.” They should have thought of that before they elected a monster. The ones who didn’t vote for the monster must not get apathetic. We can’t be like the good Germans who shut up because they were tired or stressed or scared. There are midterm elections, petitions to sign, pressure to apply, and believe it or not, going by the gloating, he has a good chance of winning in four years too. I will keep sharing information and expressing my loud disapproval. Love trumps hate.


  8. The whole consideration about “good people” vs. racists is what’s at the crux of your frustration it seems. We think of racists as being the bad guys. But by doing so, we fail to acknowledge how racism is so absorbed/embedded in our system (social, economic, political, judicial, you name it) that none of us are outside of that system. So stop worrying about trying to square “good” with “racist”. We are all in this together, and I do think that anyone associating themselves with Trump have to own it, because even the non-Trumpists do!


    1. greenerpasturesacitygirlgoescountry November 24, 2016 at 12:45 am

      I do find it sociologically interesting how racism is in our “system.” But we have brains to do critical thinking, methods to communicate, hearts with feelings, and all the capability in the world to self-analyze. We have the ability to be civilized if we want to be. I once said, when house hunting, I didn’t want to live in a “black neighborhood.” I was horrified that I felt that way. I realized where it came from–my upbringing–and because I’m smart enough to know there is no difference between white people and black people than the melatonin in our skin because I’ve had basic biology, I examined my feelings. I was relieved to realize that what I really meant was–I didn’t want to live in a POOR neighborhood and that the reason a lot of black people live in poor neighborhoods is because they don’t have the same opportunities that we do. Anyone can figure this out. If they want to. I see a lot of people who just don’t want to. They don’t want to do better. They like having someone to pick on. Honestly, I don’t think we’re half as evolved as we thought we were. And yes, I think they’re bad.


  9. […] but hopefully that blows over because I like him.) Anyway, we have always been very close. And, as I mentioned in my previous post, life is short. So we decided to visit and NOT discuss politics and instead just hang […]


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