Blah Blah Vampire Emergency Blah

Sometime last year, I was hanging out with my friend Gerry and I brought up the topic of vampires. I was being cynical (and bitchy) making fun of the strange, new teenage craze for all things vampire. I lumped together every vampire show, movie, and book out there. They were all the same to me, which is to say awful. Vampire shows and movies were for today’s lame teenagers.

We had the goth kids growing up. And goth kids, while demented and sad, worshipped people like Morrissey (not a vampire, but possibly bitten by one at some point), Robert Smith, and Nick Cave. (Actually, Nick Cave may actually be a vampire.) Goth kids listened to bands like Bauhaus, Dead Can Dance, and The Sisters of Mercy.

But vampires? They’re not even real! The whole craze seemed silly to me, pathetic even.

I never hold back when I’m with Gerry. I often go on and on about the dumbest shit and he forgives me for it, I think. And if you add a few beers to our conversation, I will ramble on passionately until I have to pee. Anyway, that night I said something thought-provoking like, “This teenage vampire craze is stupid. And what the hell is Twilight? Have you seen it? Why are teenage virgins getting wet just by watching it?” (Something written by a teenage girl on Twitter and then re-tweeted a number of times.)

“Vampire shows suck too. How many are there now? And why do we need more?”

Gerry looked at me and with a touch of pity in his eyes and said, “Wait, True Blood? True Blood is awesome. Have you ever actually seen it?”

“No.” I scoffed.

“It’s fucking great.” He said.

“Shut up!”

“I’m serious. Erin and I watch it every week.”

He was serious. And so I filed that bit of information away.

Gerry likes True Blood. Gerry likes vampires.

I’ve known Gerry since I was 18. And probably more so than anyone I’ve ever known, when it comes to music and movies, his opinion matters the most. I’ve discovered some of my favorite bands over the years thanks to Gerry. So for him to give True Blood a great big thumbs up, and couple it with the words “fucking great” I knew I had to give it a chance. At the very least, I had to stop bitching about something I knew absolutely nothing about.

So, fast-foward six or so months. Toby Joe and I sat down and started watching True Blood OnDemand. We flew through the first season in one week. Then we flew through season two as well and caught up just in time to watch the premier of season three. We were hooked.

I admit proudly now that I love True Blood. It’s become my second most favorite TV show. (Second only to Friday Night Lights, which is constantly ignored and I can’t figure out why that is. It’s so well-written, so well-acted, it’s just amazing. Why do so few Americans realize how great Friday Night Lights is? It never quite caught on and that bums me out. But that’s a post for another day.)

While True Blood can be a gory horrific mess sometimes, it’s also hysterical. The self-conscious writing that goes into each episode, the witty retorts, the fact that so many of the show’s characters are brilliantly written and acted, has Toby joe and I coming back for more every single week. I’m already mourning its final episode.

Take Sookie’s brother, the ever so simple Jason Stackhouse. It has got to be difficult to play stupid so well. And Ryan Kwanten does it so well. Yet it’s impossibly not to love the guy, because in spite of all that simple-mindedness he’s unbelievably heroic. Plus, occasionally he says something so seemingly stupid and simple, it borders on brilliant.

“I didn’t think I was smart enough to get depressed.”

“It’s like if a tree falls in the woods it’s still a tree, ain’t it?

Sam Merlott’s outlook on everyone and life in general—that we’re all basically at different levels of “fucked up”—is refreshing and you can’t help but breath a sign of relief whenever he’s around. (Although, I’m not sure what they’re doing with Sam’s character lately.)

Lafayette Reynolds, an ongoing favorite of mine, has us laughing out loud almost every single episode with his casual delivery of one-liners.

“Them fuckers is a whole new dimension of trash.”

Eric, one of the oldest vampires on the show, has a sidekick named Pam; she steals the scene every time she appears. She too is hilarious not to mention sexy. I love Pam.

Speaking of sexy, Eric. Oh sweet Jesus, Eric! He is quite possibly the most beautiful person alive. Eric is what vampire wet-dreams are made of. It’s no wonder they wrote in the bit about having sex dreams should any vampire consume your (human) blood. I’m sure Eric made that so. And I bet message boards all over the Internet are living proof of it.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to convince someone that a show about vampires, werewolves, fairies and shape-sifters is cool? It’s impossible! And if it hadn’t been for my history with Gerry, and the fact that I hold his opinion in high regard, I’d probably still be cynical about it.

But I’m hooked. And I’ll have to buy Gerry a beer for telling me to give something a chance. I really was missing out and if you haven’t seen it, you are too.


  1. It’s good? Really good? Okay. I might have to give it a chance. I don’t know why I was avoiding it but you are the third person to recommend it in the past few days – last time that happened was with The Wire (though, someone forcibly gave us the first season on DVD with that show). Now, let’s just see if I can get the husband on board…

    As for FNL – it is amazing. The (English) husband was hesitant to watch it at first – a show about high school American football, he scoffed – but I picked up the DVDs on a trip to the States years ago and we have never looked back. Amazing acting, amazing stories, beautifully shot….wonderful.


  2. It’s really good. But definitely get beyond the first few episodes. It’s character driven. Once you get to know them beyond the pilot, you will be hooked. I wasn’t sure after having seen the very first one, but now? Forget about it.

    I should mention, however, it’s WAY WAY different than FNL! But you know that already. It’s funny to me that they are my favorite shows on TV. Vampires and American high school football? WTF?


  3. Love Friday Night lights!


  4. Amen on both counts!

    I cannot understand why FNL isn’t getting more kudos. Thank goodness Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler got Emmy nods this year. I’ve got the last 3 eps of this season saved on the DVR and can’t bear to watch them.

    True Blood isn’t, I think, the best writing ever committed to television but it’s the characters that keep me coming back. I notice you didn’t mention either Sookie or Bill and I wouldn’t have either but they’re surrounded by such greatness (Eric) that I’m riveted. I haven’t seen last night’s episode but did manage last week’s yesterday and Lafayette’s new love story is so beautiful it’s making me cry!


    1. I just love that the writers seem to be making fun of the show through its characters as well as nodding to the fans writing about it. You know what I mean?

      Also: yeah, I don’t actually think Sookie or Bill are the best characters—not by a long shot. The side characters are the ones who get me. I didn’t even mention them all. I love the red headed vampire Bill converted. She’s wonderful. And the other red head, the often hysterical one, she’s great.

      They’re all pretty great. Although, I don’t much care for Tara. I wish she’d shut up already. Her hysteria is annoying. Maybe it’s her acting?

      OMG! The religious freaks from last season or was it this season early? Also awesome.

      Love it. Just love it.


  5. Okay you’ll totally have to check out the Vampire Diaries. I hate to admit but I’m hooked on that show and I’m 30. Two vampire brothers one good one evil are in love with the same girl. It’s really good but you do have to watch it a few times to get hooked as it is character driven too.


  6. True Blood is amazing! I think this is mostly due to the fact that it’s on HBO. They have produced some amazing shows (Deadwood, the Wire, Rome, etc.) and a few less amazing ones (Entourage).


  7. I, too, am a fan of True Blood. My husband, on the other hand, thinks it’s basically soft-core porn at best and refuses to watch… With that said, the other night I was watching an episode and I caught my husband glancing up over the book he was reading to catch a peek. When I called him out on it he said, “I’m just watching the scenes with Eric. He’s cool.” He elaborated further by saying he thinks Eric is hot because he’s tall and that makes him cool. I had never been that attracted to Eric…however! the following week I had a dream that I was about to be the next victim of a serial killer who was going to off me by burying me alive. The killer in the dream just happened to be Eric. I offered instead to seduce him and he spared my life. It was frightening yet titillating – and now I have a crush on Eric too. So, yeah, I get it.

    p.s. I am also 21 weeks pregnant. Could that explain the vampire lust dreams?


  8. Don’t listen… ignore Mihow… must not cave… don’t watch stupid vamp… ugh eaauurglnnph..


  9. I still lose my shit every time I remember Jason saying, “Don’t glimmer me!”


    1. MJ: Been there! The dreams! When I was pregnant with Emory, I developed an intense crush on Leonardo Dicaprio. Even wrote about it here! This time? It’s Eric. And he has definitely slipped into a dream or two.

      Anne: I know! Jason is brilliant. Truly. Everything out of his mouth is just great.


  10. “Babies. They’re all the same. Now lie back, darling, and think of Estonia…”

    True Blood is one of the only shows I watch, though usually not live. Love it. I started watching between season 1 and season 2 and caught up. Got hooked after the first couple of episodes I saw.

    I also think Eric is hot, until he grins and shows that Simpson-esque toothy smile.

    I agree that it takes a special actor to play Jason. Seriously, how many people could pull that off as well as he does?

    Lafayette has been my favorite since the beginning, but I’m kinda bored with his love interest this season. Been sorta hoping he has special powers since his mom showed up to protect him.

    Pam is now my favorite but she doesn’t get a lot of air time. Jessica is fun, especially when she’s not pining too much over Hoyt. Russell is a hoot.

    Except for the extra creepy storyline, I sorta wish Franklin had killed Tara. Gawd I cannot stand watching her constant doofus face.


  11. We too started watching True Blood this spring. Raced through season 1 by getting the DVDs from Netflix, then began season 2 the same way. We actually got HBO for my birthday so we could catch up via OnDemand and watch season 3. Hilariously entertaining show.


  12. Oh my, True Blood is amazing. I also only discovered it a few months ago as I expected it to be some generic Twilight/Vampire Diaries-like crap.

    Now I’m hooked and can’t wait for season 3 to come out on DVD (I’m in the UK). And don’t get me started on the Eric subject… For some weird(!) reason my husband is not as hooked as I am.

    Ps. Thanks for a great blog – I’ve been reading it for a few years now and really enjoy it!


  13. Ahhhhhhh…Eric… now you must, must, MUST read Charlaine Harris’ series the show is based on. Just when you think Eric couldn’t get anymore hot the books have about 110% more Eric than the show could ever produce. trust.


  14. I don’t much care for you, either.

    My favorite Jason Stackhouse quote: he was talking about that crazy girl in season 1 who drank “V” with him, and how she was crazy, and he said something about how “you have to love all of it, otherwise it ain’t love.”

    It was profound and came from the token dumbass.


  15. Tara! Not YOU TARA! That annoying often hysterical and crying Tara.

    You’re a super Tara. :]


  16. True Blood really is the best show ever. Second best show ever? Californication. Seriously. I think Hank’s one-liners rival the one liners on True Blood AND Entourage.

    However, “blah blah Vampire emergency blah” has got to be THE best line EVER. Ever!

    I think I need to start watching FNL as well. I’ve only never heard wonderful things about the show, but never watched.


  17. I love Jason’s one-liners. Sometimes I can’t believe what ridiculousness just came out of his mouth. I just finished with Season 2 and this was one of my faves…

    Jason to Andy: Do you think Sam could turn into a chicken and lay his own egg. Wouldn’t that be weird, eatin’ something that just came out of you.


  18. I’m also in love with True Blood, and although I’ve always been into sci-fi/fantasy/horror, I’ve never really been a big fan of vampires. This show is special though…I too am mourning the season’s last episode in two weeks!


  19. You all have convinced me. When the husband protests (because he will…oh yes, he will), I will say that it was recommended by someone who loves FNL as much as we do. Not that it is the same – but people who love FNL obviously have excellent taste in television.

    It is always good to have recommendations about television shows. We don’t watch a lot of TV as it airs, so I like to hear what the good shows are so time (and money) isn’t wasted.


  20. My favorite show! So campy!!! You are absolutely right about the side characters. Love, love, love Eric the hot viking vampire.


  21. I am totally hooked on all things vampire lol. You were definitely missing out. I tell anyone who hasn’t read the twilight series to just give it a few pages and you’ll be hooked! AS for True blood…the books are even better than the show! But both are good! enjoy!


  22. I concur with Christa – read the books!! SO GOOD! But if you are into keeping the show suspenseful for yourself, read only to the 3rd book and wait to read more until next season. There are 10 books. Alan Ball and the writers are mostly following the storyline of the books. They have changed some things, but I don’t take issue with anything they have changed, because the show is so freakin’ good! And yes, Eric is extremely hot!


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