NowBlowPoMe: Desperate Measures.

When Emory was first born, he had his days and nights mixed up. He slept soundly all day long and for stretches of several hours and then at 9 PM the long stretches came to an end. At night, he’d drift off and then wake up almost immediately. This left two very exhausted, new parents.

I can deal with getting little sleep. If I were to get 4 hours of sleep each night for a while, that’d be fine. It was the duration of time that eventually equalled those four hours that killed me. Fifteen minutes here and there does not a night’s rest make. And the lack of sleep added to my depression, which I felt pretty intensely back then.

So, we came up with shifts. I would take him from 9 PM until about 4 AM. TobyJoe would sleep on the couch. And then TobyJoe would take him at 4:00 AM until roughly 9 AM. This worked. I managed to get at least three solid hours a night. I still had to wake up every couple of hours to supply the food, but we each managed to sleep for longer stretches.

My shift started at 9 PM and while TobyJoe slept soundly in the living room I grumbled from our bedroom. I combed through Web site after Web site, stared off into space, and during some of my darker moments I wondered what I had done to my life. After a couple of days, I decided I simply had to get some sleep.

At some point during one of my Internet reading marathons, I learned that vibrating cribs can help ease a baby to sleep. Problem was, we never purchased one of these vibrating things. I still have no idea how this vibrating crib thing works. I read that some of them even make womb-like sounds.

On one particularly bad night, I hit rock bottom where depression was concerned. It was worse only due to how tired I was. I laid there begging, reasoning with Emory, “Please sleep, little one! Please let Mama sleep! Can you? Please?” And he’d whine and squeal. There was nothing I could do. I would rub his back, reassure him that I was still there and the repetitive motion would put me to sleep, while he squirmed and squealed. It was useless.

I thought about the vibration idea again. I began to lightly shake the crib. He calmed down. But I did as well. The vibration rocked me to sleep. Vibration stopped. He squealed again.

What to do?

A long, long time ago, TobyJoe and I spent a lot of money at a store called Toys In Babeland. (Sort of potentially not work safe). Every holiday, I would get a new toy. (Gentlemen, just because you happen to have the working parts to satisfy your lady, doesn’t mean that adding a prop or two into your love life is out of the question. Props do not take away from your masculinity, quite the opposite. The holiday season is coming up. Might I suggest you buy a little something for your lady?)

But I digress.

And you probably know where this is going.

I dug out the only battery operated, vibrating device I could think of, turned it on high, and put it right up at the top of Emory’s Pack ‘n Play. I fell asleep and so did he.

Later, when TobyJoe came into the bedroom to retrieve the baby, the device sat lifelessly in his crib.

“I got desperate.” I said answering no question at all.

“I can see that.”

“And not in the way one might assume when referring to one of these things.”

Part of NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), where one writes every day for the month of November, which is easier said than done.


  1. You are awesome.
    I was having a horrible day and this cheered me up.


  2. This is beyond awesome.

    And thank you for not posting a picture of the “business end” of your solution. :-]


  3. Very innovative! Hey, whatever works.


  4. Shades of Sex in the City!!


  5. Total Sex and the City flashback! Love it. :)


  6. We bumped into Toby coming out of TIB with a large carrier bag when I was visiting a couple of years ago. I wonder if he had just purchased the godsend in question.


  7. um – very funny :) :-)

    crazy times call for crazy measures…


  8. Brilliant! You’re just like Samantha.


  9. steph: Hilarious. He never told me that. Too funny.

    I never saw that Sex In the City. But I’m assuming something similar took place. Vibrators are multi-functional.


  10. I. Love. You.


  11. OMG! Mihow, you are way too cool! That is hilarious! It just goes to show that sometimes you just gotta do what ya gotta do to get the problem solved. You rock girl! You are one cool Mommy! :o)


  12. I can see it now. New parents, bleary eyed, in Good Vibrations in San Francisco, saying: “No, you don’t understand, it’s for the baby.”


  13. That’s great. I’d love to have seen the expression on Toby’s face.


  14. Vibrators are for multi-tasking, amen.


  15. I’m sorry to say that I don’t currently own a vibrator. But I am so going to get one RIGHT NOW.


  16. Derek, your comment made me laugh out loud. Awesome.


  17. dooce sent me.

    having only finished the front page, you are now responsible for pee on my office chair, and tears on my keyboard.

    i’ll be reading your archives…


  18. Ok, that was hilarious (and strangely important). I’ll file that tip away for when I need it.


  19. Score one for creative adaptive reuse.


  20. They say that necessity is the mother of invention. Michele, you rule.


  21. That’s my laugh of the day! You are the greatest!


  22. No wonder Toby married you!


  23. Exellent! That is one of the most creative uses of a vibrator I’ve come across.

    Now I’m off to do some shopping…


  24. fantastic, fantastic, fantastic. I can see the pictures in the baby book right now….!


  25. You know they do come in the kind that has a plug-in cord(don’t ask how I know this. That’s a story never to be told). You don’t have to worry about the battery dying while baby is safely sleeping and content.

    Too funny



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