An AHA! Moment.

I used to hate it, seriously hate it, when family or friends said, “You’ll understand when you have kids of your own someday.” It seemed they used this in response to everything. I saw it as a way shutting the childless up. “We can’t have this conversation because you haven’t had kids.” It seemed so unfair to me. I saw it as a copout. People who said such a thing were wimps. And even if I didn’t understand, what made them think I wanted to understand what they apparently had such a firm grasp on?

Yesterday Tobyjoe looked at me and said, “I have decided that we can only have one baby.”

“Why? That’s OK with me, but why?” I asked.

“Because I can’t imagine loving anything more than I love this one.”

Parents of the world, I think I’m finally starting to understand.


  1. Oh man. I said the same thing right up to about a week before I went off the pill. I am pregnant and still wonder about the love I have for Grace. Brian said it to me the other day, that he felt bad for Grace because we were having another baby. I asked him if he had a limit to his love. Of course he scoffed and it was an easy & quick shot so I took it.

    I pulled a deer tic off of Grace yesterday. I can not help but wonder what this means for her health. When I think about not having another child it is because of moments like that – total vulnerability. I am responsible for this shiny girl’s life. I feel like the guard dog to keep her shine as shiny as possible. I do all of these things and for what, to have a deer tic in the Lyme’s capital of the world embed itself in my child’s neck. Yeah, one child is a great idea.


  2. that’s a beautiful post. i hope i will “get it” one day. :)


  3. I was perfectly content to have only one child, but when my husband & I looked at our relatives who were only children & looked at our upbringing(our siblings were at least 9 years older or younger than us) we realized we wanted our son to have a companion, hopefully close in age. Our daughter was born 2 weeks shy of our son’s 2nd birthday. Around the time she turned 2 they became playmates & best friends. I love to see their bond grow as they age. Having a 2nd child was almost liberating. I am so much more patient and less anxious with both of them after experiencing the baby phase a 2nd time. I’m so less afraid that I’m screwing them up or scaring the for life with every decision or action. I know the feeling of not being sure you’ll love the 2nd one as much, but it’s nothing to worry about. When I was pregnant again I cried during a kid;s show where a character was getting a new sister. I was so worried that we were cheating our son, but in the end I think we gave him the greatest gift of a bigger family. I know it’s a personal decision, but don’t give up on it yet….And Rachel, I hope you get the peace of mind I received when I had my 2nd! I think having a 2nd made me a much better mom.


  4. bah… wait until you get big smiles, just wait. i know exactly how you feel and i can say with confidence, it’s the tip of the iceberg…


  5. After my pre-eclamptic hell I swore I’d only have one. My friend had twins about 2 months after I had Cooper and I went to visit those babies and was double-fistin, two newborns smell and feel doubly good—I came home with a deranged look in my eye and wanting twins (poor Matthew). It’s addicting.


  6. Please. I am happy for ya, but just stop. Some people prefer humans—others perfer alone time and others prefer animals.


  7. Hey, liz. Why not just stop coming here?


  8. Some people prefer to read a blog written by a person about whatever she damn well pleases on a server she owns, and others prefer to go elsewhere.


  9. Wow. I do not even know what that means but I sure hope that woman enjoys her animals and alone time cause with a disposition like that, that is all she is getting.


  10. The great thing about love is that it’s not a finite resource. We don’t have a little stockpile of love to portion out evenly.

    At first, I felt the same way about Henry, but that didn’t deter us from having Owen. Then Pippy came, and to be honest, the only reason why we stopped was for financial and practical reasons. And I would consider adopting a child if something were to change significantly about our situation.

    The more kids you have, the more love you have for them.


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